The hospital file contained more pages than I expected.<\/p>\n
Mara placed them in front of me one at a time.<\/p>\n
I read slowly.<\/p>\n
The first record was from twenty-two years ago.<\/p>\n
The second was from the night I lost my fifth baby.<\/p>\n
There were no other pregnancies listed.<\/p>\n
I looked at Mara.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo the earlier record is real.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut it doesn't say who the father was.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen how did Ryan know?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat is what we're trying to determine.\u201d<\/p>\n
Daniel sat beside my father.<\/p>\n
He had been silent since we arrived.<\/p>\n
My mother wasn't there.<\/p>\n
For once, she wasn't standing between me and an answer.<\/p>\n
Mara turned another page.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is the interesting part.\u201d<\/p>\n
She pointed to a notation.<\/p>\n
The original record had been amended.<\/p>\n
\u201cAmended when?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThree years after the event.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBy whom?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat's unclear.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause the amendment references an external document that isn't included in the file.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at the page.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat document?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe don't know.\u201d<\/p>\n
Daniel leaned forward.<\/p>\n
\u201cCould it be a transfer record?\u201d<\/p>\n
Mara looked at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cPossibly.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOr adoption?\u201d<\/p>\n
She paused.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat is another possibility.\u201d<\/p>\n
My stomach tightened.<\/p>\n
I looked at Daniel.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you thinking?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTell me.\u201d<\/p>\n
He took a breath.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was told the baby didn't survive.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhich baby?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe first one.\u201d<\/p>\n
My pulse quickened.<\/p>\n
\u201cWho told you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYour mother.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAfter you left the hospital.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at my father.<\/p>\n
He wouldn't meet my eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did Mom say?\u201d<\/p>\n
Daniel answered.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe said the child had died.\u201d<\/p>\n
I felt the room go quiet.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut the hospital record doesn't say that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen what happened?\u201d<\/p>\n
Mara folded her hands.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe don't know yet.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at the amended page.<\/p>\n
\u201cFind out.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe will.\u201d<\/p>\n
That afternoon, I returned home.<\/p>\n
Amelia was doing homework at the kitchen table.<\/p>\n
She looked up.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you find out?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFind out what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy everyone knows things.\u201d<\/p>\n
I sat beside her.<\/p>\n
\u201cI'm still trying.\u201d<\/p>\n
She nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cDaddy called again.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did he say?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe asked if I had told you about Daniel.\u201d<\/p>\n
My stomach tightened.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did you say?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI said no.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause you told me I didn't have to be the messenger.\u201d<\/p>\n
I kissed her forehead.<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n
She smiled.<\/p>\n
Then she asked,<\/p>\n
\u201cIs Daniel nice?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI think so.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDoes he know Daddy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't know.\u201d<\/p>\n
She returned to her homework.<\/p>\n
I sat beside her until she finished.<\/p>\n
That evening, Ryan arrived.<\/p>\n
He stood outside the door.<\/p>\n
\u201cI need to see the kids.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThey're eating.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCan I come in?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy are you doing this?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause you haven't answered my questions.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI've answered plenty.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you know about my first pregnancy?\u201d<\/p>\n
He went still.<\/p>\n
There.<\/p>\n
That tiny movement.<\/p>\n
The one people make when they hear a question they weren't expecting.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't know what you're talking about.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know exactly what I'm talking about.\u201d<\/p>\n
He glanced toward the house.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere did you hear that?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnswer me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI was told there was something in your past.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBy whom?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't remember.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don't remember?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
I almost laughed.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou remembered enough to use it against me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI never used it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou told your attorney.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked away.<\/p>\n
\u201cI told them everything relevant.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMy first pregnancy is relevant to whether I'm a good mother now?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen why?\u201d<\/p>\n
He didn't answer.<\/p>\n
I stepped closer.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you know about Daniel?\u201d<\/p>\n
His face hardened.<\/p>\n
\u201cStay away from him.\u201d<\/p>\n
That was enough.<\/p>\n
He knew.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe contacted me years ago.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBefore we separated.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid he tell you about the pregnancy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWho else knew?\u201d<\/p>\n
He stared at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou should ask your mother.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then he turned and walked away.<\/p>\n
I watched him reach his car.<\/p>\n
He stopped before opening the door.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnnie.\u201d<\/p>\n
I didn't answer.<\/p>\n
\u201cI never knew whether that baby was alive.\u201d<\/p>\n
I froze.<\/p>\n
He got into the car.<\/p>\n
Then he drove away.<\/p>\n
I stood in the doorway.<\/p>\n
The baby was alive?<\/p>\n
For how long?<\/p>\n
Mara called twenty minutes later.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid Ryan speak to you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did he say?\u201d<\/p>\n
I told her.<\/p>\n
She became quiet.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat changes things.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf Ryan believed there was a living child connected to your earlier pregnancy, we need to find out why.\u201d<\/p>\n
I sat down.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't know if there was.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNeither do I.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut Daniel was told the baby died.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cExactly.\u201d<\/p>\n
The next morning, Mara called with new information.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere is an adoption record.\u201d<\/p>\n
I couldn't breathe.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSealed state record.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCan we access it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot immediately.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDoes it show my name?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDoes it show the child's name?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDoes it show whether the child survived?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
I gripped the phone.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid she?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
The room went silent.<\/p>\n
I sat down.<\/p>\n
My first child had survived.<\/p>\n
For twenty-two years, I had believed there had been no child.<\/p>\n
I had been told there was nothing to remember.<\/p>\n
Mara continued.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe record indicates a private adoption.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBy whom?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe don't have the full names yet.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy not?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause the file is sealed.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at the children's photographs on the wall.<\/p>\n
Four smiling faces.<\/p>\n
Four children I had raised.<\/p>\n
And somewhere in the world, perhaps another child existed.<\/p>\n
My child.<\/p>\n
The first one.<\/p>\n
I thought of the yellow blanket.<\/p>\n
The hospital bracelet.<\/p>\n
The photograph.<\/p>\n
Daniel's story.<\/p>\n
My mother's lies.<\/p>\n
Ryan's suspicion.<\/p>\n
Everything suddenly connected in ways I couldn't yet understand.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid Ryan know?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut he said he didn't know whether the baby was alive.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow could he know there was a baby?\u201d<\/p>\n
Mara paused.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat is the question.\u201d<\/p>\n
That afternoon, my father came over.<\/p>\n
I told him.<\/p>\n
He sat down heavily.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe survived?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
He covered his face.<\/p>\n
\u201cDad.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought she was dead.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWho told you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYour mother.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you see the baby?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid Mom?\u201d<\/p>\n
He didn't answer.<\/p>\n
I knew.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe saw her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe day after you left the hospital.\u201d<\/p>\n
I felt cold.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou let her?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn't know what was happening.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou were my father.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did she tell you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe said the baby needed a family.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat family?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou never asked?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI asked.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe said the child was better off somewhere else.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stood.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause the father wasn't who everyone thought.\u201d<\/p>\n
I froze.<\/p>\n
\u201cWho was the father?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDad.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI swear.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked toward the window.<\/p>\n
\u201cYour mother said there was danger.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat kind?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe wouldn't say.\u201d<\/p>\n
I sat down again.<\/p>\n
The word danger made everything worse.<\/p>\n
If the baby had been healthy enough to survive, why had she been given away?<\/p>\n
Who was the father?<\/p>\n
Why had my mother believed the child was unsafe with me?<\/p>\n
And why had Ryan later used the old pregnancy as evidence against me?<\/p>\n
That evening, Daniel returned.<\/p>\n
He had found something.<\/p>\n
A photograph of a baby.<\/p>\n
Wrapped in a pale blanket.<\/p>\n
A handwritten date.<\/p>\n
And a name.<\/p>\n
Not a full name.<\/p>\n
Just a first name.<\/p>\n
Lily.<\/p>\n
I stared at it.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere did you get this?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYour mother.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYears ago.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy did she give it to you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe didn't.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked embarrassed.<\/p>\n
\u201cI found it among papers she left behind when she moved.\u201d<\/p>\n
My hands trembled.<\/p>\n
\u201cDoes she know you have it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't think so.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at the photograph.<\/p>\n
The baby had a tiny crease between her eyebrows.<\/p>\n
I touched the image.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs this my daughter?\u201d<\/p>\n
Daniel swallowed.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't know.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then he turned the photograph over.<\/p>\n
There was writing on the back.<\/p>\n
The handwriting was my mother's.<\/p>\n
Lily is safer with them. Annie must never know.<\/p>\n
I read it twice.<\/p>\n
Then a third time.<\/p>\n
My father whispered,<\/p>\n
\u201cOh God.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cWho are them?\u201d<\/p>\n
Nobody answered.<\/p>\n
Daniel pointed to one final line beneath my mother's handwriting.<\/p>\n
The father will understand when the time comes.<\/p>\n
I felt a chill move through me.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe father.\u201d<\/p>\n
Daniel nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat's what I've been trying to tell you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know who he was?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know who your mother believed he was.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWho?\u201d<\/p>\n
Daniel looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cYour mother's own brother.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat isn't possible.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut he's dead.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe died before the baby was born.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen he can't be the father.\u201d<\/p>\n
Daniel shook his head.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
He pointed to the photograph.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe couldn't be.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked down.<\/p>\n
The handwriting had one more line.<\/p>\n
The truth must stay buried until Annie is safe.<\/p>\n
My phone vibrated.<\/p>\n
Unknown number.<\/p>\n
A message appeared.<\/p>\n
My name is Lily.<\/p>\n
I think I'm your daughter.<\/p>\n
The hospital file contained more pages than I expected. Mara placed them in front of me one at a time. I read slowly. The first record was from twenty-two years … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8234,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8244","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-insightdrama"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8244","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8244"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8244\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8263,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8244\/revisions\/8263"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/8234"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8244"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8244"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8244"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}