I did not sleep that night.<\/p>\n
The locket sat open on my kitchen table beneath the yellow light over the sink. Beside it lay the hospital wristband, so fragile that I was afraid even breathing too hard might damage it.<\/p>\n
Russell Tate.<\/p>\n
August 19, 1981.<\/p>\n
I read the name again.<\/p>\n
Then again.<\/p>\n
I had spent most of my adult life avoiding it.<\/p>\n
Not because I hated Russell.<\/p>\n
That would have been easier.<\/p>\n
I avoided the name because I had never understood how someone I loved could disappear so completely.<\/p>\n
When I was seventeen, I had asked my mother where he had gone.<\/p>\n
She told me he had chosen someone else.<\/p>\n
She said he'd gone to Cairo with another girl.<\/p>\n
I remembered standing in my bedroom doorway, still wearing the yellow blouse I had worn that afternoon.<\/p>\n
\u201cWho?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSome waitress.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat waitress?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid he say goodbye?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid he leave a note?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid he say he didn't love me anymore?\u201d<\/p>\n
My mother had looked at me with tired eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe didn't have to.\u201d<\/p>\n
That answer had destroyed something in me.<\/p>\n
I had waited for Russell that entire evening anyway.<\/p>\n
He didn't come.<\/p>\n
My mother found me near the river later.<\/p>\n
I was sitting on the muddy bank with the locket in my fist.<\/p>\n
She told me I was humiliating myself.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe doesn't want you.\u201d<\/p>\n
I remember those words because they became the sentence I repeated to myself for years.<\/p>\n
Eventually, I believed it.<\/p>\n
That was why I threw the locket into the Mississippi.<\/p>\n
I had thought I was throwing away the last piece of a boy who had chosen another girl.<\/p>\n
Now it was sitting on my kitchen table.<\/p>\n
And beside it was proof that Russell had been in a hospital the next day.<\/p>\n
At 1:14 in the morning, I called Evan.<\/p>\n
He answered on the fourth ring.<\/p>\n
\u201cHello?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt's Mary Bennett.\u201d<\/p>\n
There was a pause.<\/p>\n
\u201cI remember.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe man who pawned the locket.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid he give you anything else?\u201d<\/p>\n
Evan sighed.<\/p>\n
\u201cLook, Mrs. Bennett, I don't know what this is about. That guy was strange.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe came in around ten-thirty. Put the locket on the counter. Asked if I'd give him forty dollars.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cForty?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe locket is worth more.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI told him that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did he say?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe said he didn't care.\u201d<\/p>\n
I closed my eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid he say where he got it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid he mention me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot exactly.\u201d<\/p>\n
My stomach tightened.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat does that mean?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe asked if I knew a Mary Louise Turner.\u201d<\/p>\n
I gripped the edge of the table.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd you told him?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI told him I didn't.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat else?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe asked if I knew anybody who lived on Sycamore Street in 1981.\u201d<\/p>\n
I already knew the answer.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did you tell him?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNothing useful.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEvan.\u201d<\/p>\n
He was quiet.<\/p>\n
Then he said, \u201cHe told me you deserved to know before he died.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at the clock.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid he leave an address?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA phone number?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnything?\u201d<\/p>\n
Another pause.<\/p>\n
\u201cA storage receipt.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRiver Storage. Unit 214.\u201d<\/p>\n
My heart began pounding.<\/p>\n
\u201cGive me the address.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI'll text it.\u201d<\/p>\n
The message arrived less than a minute later.<\/p>\n
River Storage.<\/p>\n
Unit 214.<\/p>\n
The address was fifteen minutes from my house.<\/p>\n
I stared at the screen.<\/p>\n
Then Evan said, \u201cMrs. Bennett?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThere was one more thing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe told me the receipt was only for you if you came back for the locket.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe said if you came back, you'd finally be ready.\u201d<\/p>\n
I thanked him and ended the call.<\/p>\n
Then I sat alone in my kitchen until dawn.<\/p>\n
At six-thirty, I called my daughter.<\/p>\n
\u201cMom?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you awake?\u201d<\/p>\n
A long silence.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt's six-thirty.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat happened?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI found something.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you okay?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI found something that belonged to Russell.\u201d<\/p>\n
She didn't speak.<\/p>\n
Rebecca knew the name.<\/p>\n
Not because I talked about Russell.<\/p>\n
I didn't.<\/p>\n
She knew because when she was a teenager, she had found an old photograph in my attic.<\/p>\n
A boy stood beside me in it.<\/p>\n
We were both smiling.<\/p>\n
She had asked who he was.<\/p>\n
I told her he was someone from a very long time ago.<\/p>\n
She had studied the photograph.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe looks like he really loved you.\u201d<\/p>\n
I had taken it from her.<\/p>\n
Now I said, \u201cI think Russell might still be alive.\u201d<\/p>\n
Rebecca inhaled sharply.<\/p>\n
\u201cMom.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you sure?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat happened?\u201d<\/p>\n
I told her everything.<\/p>\n
The pawnshop.<\/p>\n
The locket.<\/p>\n
The initials.<\/p>\n
The hospital wristband.<\/p>\n
The man with the cane.<\/p>\n
The red Cardinals cap.<\/p>\n
The storage unit.<\/p>\n
When I finished, she said, \u201cYou're not going there alone.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI wasn't planning to.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou were.\u201d<\/p>\n
I smiled despite myself.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know me too well.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI'll come.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou have work.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI'll call in.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRebecca\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. If this is connected to Russell, you're not walking into a storage facility by yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n
At eight-seven, she pulled into my driveway.<\/p>\n
She got out wearing jeans, sneakers, and the expression she usually wore when something had gone seriously wrong with the plumbing.<\/p>\n
She hugged me first.<\/p>\n
Then she noticed the locket.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
She picked it up.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt's beautiful.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt wasn't supposed to be.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMy mother hated it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe said Russell gave me dangerous ideas.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLike what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLeaving.\u201d<\/p>\n
Rebecca looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cLeaving what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHome.\u201d<\/p>\n
She understood without asking anything else.<\/p>\n
We drove to River Storage under a heavy August sky.<\/p>\n
The air was damp and hot. The windshield collected a thin haze even though the air conditioner was running.<\/p>\n
I kept the locket closed in my palm.<\/p>\n
Rebecca drove with both hands on the steering wheel.<\/p>\n
After several quiet minutes, she said, \u201cDo you want him to be alive?\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked out the window.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you still love him?\u201d<\/p>\n
I almost laughed.<\/p>\n
Instead I said, \u201cI don't know if you can love somebody for forty-three years without also loving the person you imagined them to be.\u201d<\/p>\n
Rebecca glanced at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat sounds like yes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt sounds like I'm confused.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou're allowed to be.\u201d<\/p>\n
We reached River Storage.<\/p>\n
Unit 214 was near the back.<\/p>\n
The lock was new.<\/p>\n
A brass padlock hung from the latch.<\/p>\n
Rebecca stared at it.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you have a key?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen what are we doing here?\u201d<\/p>\n
I held up the receipt.<\/p>\n
There was writing on the back I hadn't noticed the night before.<\/p>\n
214 \u2014 8\/22.<\/p>\n
Today's date.<\/p>\n
My skin prickled.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe knew we'd come today.\u201d<\/p>\n
Rebecca looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cMom.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
We waited.<\/p>\n
Eight twenty-two.<\/p>\n
Nothing.<\/p>\n
Eight twenty-three.<\/p>\n
Still nothing.<\/p>\n
At eight twenty-four, a white pickup turned into the lane.<\/p>\n
My heart lurched.<\/p>\n
The truck stopped three units away.<\/p>\n
The driver's door opened.<\/p>\n
A man stepped out.<\/p>\n
Gray beard.<\/p>\n
Blue work jacket.<\/p>\n
Cane.<\/p>\n
Red Cardinals cap.<\/p>\n
Rebecca's hand closed around my arm.<\/p>\n
\u201cMom.\u201d<\/p>\n
I couldn't answer.<\/p>\n
The man looked toward us.<\/p>\n
Then he removed his cap.<\/p>\n
His hair was almost entirely white.<\/p>\n
But above his left eyebrow was the scar.<\/p>\n
The same scar.<\/p>\n
The one I had kissed when we were sixteen.<\/p>\n
The one I had seen disappear behind his hair in my memories.<\/p>\n
My knees weakened.<\/p>\n
I whispered his name.<\/p>\n
\u201cRussell?\u201d<\/p>\n
The man shut his eyes.<\/p>\n
When he opened them, they were wet.<\/p>\n
\u201cMary Lou.\u201d<\/p>\n
Rebecca caught me before I fell.<\/p>\n
Russell took one step toward us.<\/p>\n
Then stopped.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn't know if you'd come.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou knew I'd find the locket.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI hoped you would.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked down at the gravel.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause I don't have much time.\u201d<\/p>\n
Anger steadied me.<\/p>\n
It was easier to stand when I was angry.<\/p>\n
\u201cForty-three years?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou were alive.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou could have found me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou could have called.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou could have written.\u201d<\/p>\n
His jaw tightened.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen why didn't you?\u201d<\/p>\n
He finally looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause your mother told me you hated me.\u201d<\/p>\n
I froze.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe said you didn't want to see me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe told me you left.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn't.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe said you went to Cairo with another girl.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn't.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe said you didn't care.\u201d<\/p>\n
His eyes filled again.<\/p>\n
\u201cI cared too much.\u201d<\/p>\n
Rebecca was crying quietly beside me.<\/p>\n
Russell reached into his jacket and pulled out a yellowed envelope.<\/p>\n
He held it toward me.<\/p>\n
I didn't take it.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat is it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA letter.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201c1981.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy didn't I get it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYour mother took it.\u201d<\/p>\n
My breath caught.<\/p>\n
He swallowed.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe told me you'd moved on.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI was seventeen.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe told me you left.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI was at St. Anne's.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI have your hospital wristband.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow?\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded toward the locket.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at him.<\/p>\n
He pointed toward Unit 214.<\/p>\n
\u201cEverything is in there.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat is?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEverything I couldn't throw away.\u201d<\/p>\n
Rebecca stepped closer.<\/p>\n
Russell looked at her.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou must be Rebecca.\u201d<\/p>\n
She stiffened.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow do you know my name?\u201d<\/p>\n
His expression changed.<\/p>\n
\u201cI've known about you since the day you were born.\u201d<\/p>\n
I turned toward him.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYour mother wrote to me.\u201d<\/p>\n
Rebecca's face went pale.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou knew about me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd you never contacted my mother?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
Russell looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cBy then, I believed Mary Lou hated me.\u201d<\/p>\n
I shook my head.<\/p>\n
\u201cI never hated you.\u201d<\/p>\n
He closed his eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know that now.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow?\u201d<\/p>\n
His gaze dropped to the locket.<\/p>\n
\u201cI found it.\u201d<\/p>\n
I frowned.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded toward the storage unit.<\/p>\n
\u201cCome inside.\u201d<\/p>\n
He unlocked the door.<\/p>\n
The metal rolled upward with a harsh rattle.<\/p>\n
Behind it were boxes.<\/p>\n
Dozens of them.<\/p>\n
Photographs.<\/p>\n
Letters.<\/p>\n
Newspapers.<\/p>\n
A red football jersey.<\/p>\n
A cracked bicycle helmet.<\/p>\n
Birthday cards.<\/p>\n
And on the far wall, pinned beneath a piece of cardboard, was a photograph of me at seventeen.<\/p>\n
I walked toward it.<\/p>\n
Russell and I were standing beside the river.<\/p>\n
We were smiling.<\/p>\n
I touched the picture.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere did you get this?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou gave it to me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't remember.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don't remember because your mother took almost everything.\u201d<\/p>\n
I turned toward him.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did she take?\u201d<\/p>\n
Russell leaned on his cane.<\/p>\n
\u201cMore than you ever knew.\u201d<\/p>\n
I did not sleep that night. The locket sat open on my kitchen table beneath the yellow light over the sink. Beside it lay the hospital wristband, so fragile that … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7965,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7967","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-insightdrama"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7967","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7967"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7967\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7987,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7967\/revisions\/7987"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/7965"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7967"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7967"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7967"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}