For the next three days, my phone became a battlefield.<\/p>\n
My mother could no longer reach me directly, so she found other people.<\/p>\n
First came my aunt Christine.<\/p>\n
Then cousins I hadn't spoken to in years.<\/p>\n
Then Lauren's former mother-in-law.<\/p>\n
Everyone seemed to have an opinion about the money.<\/p>\n
Nobody had an opinion about the seventeen calls I made while I was in labor.<\/p>\n
Nobody cared that I had taken an Uber to the hospital alone.<\/p>\n
Nobody asked how many nights I had sat awake with Lily because I was afraid to fall asleep.<\/p>\n
They only knew that I had refused to give my sister's children expensive phones.<\/p>\n
According to them, I was selfish.<\/p>\n
Jesse told me not to answer.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey weren't there,\u201d he said. \u201cThey don't get to rewrite what happened.\u201d<\/p>\n
So I stopped explaining.<\/p>\n
I concentrated on Lily.<\/p>\n
My world became small.<\/p>\n
Diapers.<\/p>\n
Bottles.<\/p>\n
Laundry.<\/p>\n
Bills.<\/p>\n
Sleep whenever sleep was possible.<\/p>\n
I learned which grocery store had the cheapest formula and which brand of wipes irritated Lily's skin. I learned to carry her against my shoulder while heating food because there was no one else to hold her.<\/p>\n
I wasn't happy.<\/p>\n
But I was functioning.<\/p>\n
That counted for something.<\/p>\n
Then one Thursday afternoon, I went to Target.<\/p>\n
I had Lily strapped into her carrier, and I was standing in the baby aisle comparing two packages of wipes.<\/p>\n
One was better.<\/p>\n
The other was cheaper.<\/p>\n
I reached for the cheaper one.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaya?\u201d<\/p>\n
The voice came from behind me.<\/p>\n
My entire body went still.<\/p>\n
I knew that voice.<\/p>\n
Slowly, I turned.<\/p>\n
Derek stood several feet away.<\/p>\n
For one strange second, the store disappeared.<\/p>\n
I saw the apartment.<\/p>\n
The positive pregnancy test.<\/p>\n
His face.<\/p>\n
The empty closet.<\/p>\n
The silence after he left.<\/p>\n
He looked almost the same.<\/p>\n
That made it worse.<\/p>\n
He was holding a shopping basket containing coffee and protein bars, as though he were just another man having an ordinary Thursday.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaya,\u201d he said again.<\/p>\n
I put one hand around Lily's carrier.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you doing here?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI heard you had the baby.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou heard?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI saw something on Facebook.\u201d<\/p>\n
His eyes moved toward Lily.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs that her?\u201d<\/p>\n
I shifted the carrier away from him.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
He stared.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s beautiful.\u201d<\/p>\n
I said nothing.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaya, I know I handled everything terribly.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou left.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou left me pregnant.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou moved across the country with another woman.\u201d<\/p>\n
His jaw tightened.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was scared.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou blocked me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don't get to disappear for nine months and then show up because you saw a photograph.\u201d<\/p>\n
People nearby were beginning to look over.<\/p>\n
Derek lowered his voice.<\/p>\n
\u201cI broke up with Kristen.\u201d<\/p>\n
I almost laughed.<\/p>\n
\u201cCongratulations.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI moved back last month.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat sounds like your problem.\u201d<\/p>\n
He rubbed the back of his neck.<\/p>\n
\u201cI've been wanting to contact you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou could have.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn't know what to say.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou could have started with an apology.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at Lily again.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan I see her?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
He flinched.<\/p>\n
\u201cI understand.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, I don't think you do.\u201d<\/p>\n
I could feel my heart pounding.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe was born two weeks ago. You weren't there. You weren't there for me when I needed you, and you don't get to arrive now and pretend you can step into the middle of her life.\u201d<\/p>\n
He swallowed.<\/p>\n
\u201cI want to make things right.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen start paying child support.\u201d<\/p>\n
His expression changed.<\/p>\n
\u201cI will.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMy lawyer will contact you.\u201d<\/p>\n
I didn't have a lawyer.<\/p>\n
I could barely afford diapers.<\/p>\n
But I needed him to understand that abandoning us would have consequences.<\/p>\n
I walked away.<\/p>\n
I made it to the parking lot before my hands started shaking.<\/p>\n
Lily began fussing.<\/p>\n
I put her into the car, closed the door, then sat behind the steering wheel without starting the engine.<\/p>\n
I breathed slowly.<\/p>\n
Once.<\/p>\n
Twice.<\/p>\n
Then I noticed something tucked beneath my windshield wiper.<\/p>\n
A note.<\/p>\n
For a moment I thought it was a parking ticket.<\/p>\n
It wasn't.<\/p>\n
It was a small card.<\/p>\n
The handwriting was neat.<\/p>\n
\u201cI saw what happened inside. You handled yourself with more strength than most people could have. If you ever need someone to talk to, here's my number. \u2014Carter.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked around the parking lot.<\/p>\n
There were dozens of cars.<\/p>\n
People pushing carts.<\/p>\n
A woman loading groceries.<\/p>\n
No sign of Carter.<\/p>\n
I almost threw the note away.<\/p>\n
Instead, I put it in my purse.<\/p>\n
That night, after Lily finally fell asleep, I sat at my tiny kitchen table eating cereal for dinner.<\/p>\n
The card was beside my bowl.<\/p>\n
I picked it up.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is Maya from Target,\u201d I typed. \u201cThis isn't some strange pyramid scheme, right?\u201d<\/p>\n
His reply came almost immediately.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo pyramid schemes. I promise.\u201d<\/p>\n
I smiled despite myself.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat's exactly what someone running a pyramid scheme would say.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFair point.\u201d<\/p>\n
We kept texting.<\/p>\n
For three hours.<\/p>\n
Carter told me about his family.<\/p>\n
His parents had always favored his brother.<\/p>\n
There was a nephew he had barely been allowed to see.<\/p>\n
He understood what it felt like to be the person nobody chose.<\/p>\n
I told him some of my story.<\/p>\n
Not everything.<\/p>\n
Not yet.<\/p>\n
He didn't interrogate me.<\/p>\n
He didn't tell me what I should do.<\/p>\n
He listened.<\/p>\n
Around midnight, he asked whether I would meet him for coffee.<\/p>\n
\u201cSomewhere public,\u201d he added. \u201cYou can bring Lily.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at the message.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou're not a serial killer, are you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat's exactly what a serial killer would say.\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed.<\/p>\n
It was the first real laugh I'd had in days.<\/p>\n
We chose a busy coffee shop on Main Street.<\/p>\n
Saturday.<\/p>\n
Two in the afternoon.<\/p>\n
When I arrived, Carter was already there.<\/p>\n
He stood when he saw me.<\/p>\n
He helped settle Lily's carrier beside the table and ordered my coffee before I could reach for my wallet.<\/p>\n
He was tall, with dark hair and an easy smile.<\/p>\n
I expected the awkwardness.<\/p>\n
Instead, within minutes, I felt strangely comfortable.<\/p>\n
Then he folded his hands on the table.<\/p>\n
\u201cI should tell you something.\u201d<\/p>\n
I braced myself.<\/p>\n
\u201cI'm married.\u201d<\/p>\n
He smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMoving overseas?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIn a cult?\u201d<\/p>\n
He laughed.<\/p>\n
\u201cI own a software company.\u201d<\/p>\n
I blinked.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI sold it two years ago.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow much money did you make?\u201d<\/p>\n
He laughed again.<\/p>\n
\u201cEnough.\u201d<\/p>\n
I studied him.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou're rich.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cComfortable.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat is what rich people say.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe.\u201d<\/p>\n
He told me he was thirty-two and single.<\/p>\n
Then he explained why he had left the note.<\/p>\n
\u201cI saw you standing up for your daughter,\u201d he said. \u201cYou looked exhausted, but you didn't back down.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked away.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou barely know me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd you're interested in me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI think I am.\u201d<\/p>\n
I didn't know what to say.<\/p>\n
Carter didn't push.<\/p>\n
That mattered.<\/p>\n
Over the next three weeks, we saw each other five times.<\/p>\n
Sometimes he came to my apartment with dinner.<\/p>\n
Sometimes we met for coffee.<\/p>\n
He never complained when Lily cried.<\/p>\n
He never acted annoyed when I had to stop talking because she needed something.<\/p>\n
One evening, he held her while I ate.<\/p>\n
He spoke softly to her as though she understood every word.<\/p>\n
Watching him made something inside me ache.<\/p>\n
Not because I was falling in love.<\/p>\n
Because I had never seen a man choose to care for us without asking what he would receive in return.<\/p>\n
One night, Carter looked around my apartment.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaya, can I ask you something?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat sounds dangerous.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you okay financially?\u201d<\/p>\n
I wanted to say yes.<\/p>\n
I wanted to protect my pride.<\/p>\n
Instead, I stared at the table.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
He waited.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m drowning.\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded slowly.<\/p>\n
He didn't pity me.<\/p>\n
Then he said something that changed the direction of my life.<\/p>\n
\u201cCome live with me.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked up.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI have a house in Asheville.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCarter, we've known each other for three weeks.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat is insane.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know how it sounds.\u201d<\/p>\n
He leaned forward.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou and Lily would have your own rooms. You wouldn't owe me rent. You wouldn't owe me anything.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause I have space. I have the resources. And I like having you around.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at him.<\/p>\n
He glanced toward Lily.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not asking you to marry me. I'm offering you a safe place to breathe.\u201d<\/p>\n
I didn't answer.<\/p>\n
Because before I could, Jesse called.<\/p>\n
His voice was tense.<\/p>\n
\u201cYour mother came to my house.\u201d<\/p>\n
My stomach dropped.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did she want?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe says you stole from her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn't.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe also told everyone you're an unfit mother.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stood up.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe says she's going to talk to a lawyer about grandparents' rights.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked across the room at Lily.<\/p>\n
Then at Carter.<\/p>\n
For the first time, his offer didn't sound completely crazy.<\/p>\n
It sounded like an exit.<\/p>\n
For the next three days, my phone became a battlefield. My mother could no longer reach me directly, so she found other people. First came my aunt Christine. Then cousins … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6850,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6852","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-insightdrama"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6852","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6852"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6852\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6868,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6852\/revisions\/6868"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/6850"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6852"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6852"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6852"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}