I used to believe that if I loved someone enough, eventually they would stop hurting me.<\/p>\n
I was wrong.<\/p>\n
The first thing I remember about that night was the sound of laughter coming from upstairs.<\/p>\n
It was coming from my bedroom.<\/p>\n
My bedroom.<\/p>\n
I had spent years making that room feel like a home, choosing the curtains, folding the blankets, and placing fresh flowers beside the window whenever I could afford them.<\/p>\n
Dominic used to tell me he loved coming home to that room.<\/p>\n
I believed him.<\/p>\n
Back then, I still believed many things about my husband that I would later struggle to forgive myself for believing.<\/p>\n
I was standing near the staircase when I heard his voice again.<\/p>\n
He sounded happy.<\/p>\n
Not the tired kind of happy that came from finally finishing a long day, but the careless kind that belonged to someone who thought nothing bad could ever happen to him.<\/p>\n
Then I heard a woman's laugh.<\/p>\n
I knew that voice.<\/p>\n
It belonged to the woman who had been sleeping with my husband.<\/p>\n
I stood there with one hand resting against the wooden railing.<\/p>\n
For a few seconds, I couldn't move.<\/p>\n
I could have gone upstairs and opened the bedroom door.<\/p>\n
I could have screamed at them.<\/p>\n
I could have demanded an explanation from a man who had already given me more than enough reasons to stop asking for one.<\/p>\n
Instead, I remained where I was.<\/p>\n
That was something I had become very good at.<\/p>\n
Standing still.<\/p>\n
Swallowing my words.<\/p>\n
Waiting for the people I loved to remember that I was a person, too.<\/p>\n
I was Audrey, Dominic's wife.<\/p>\n
At least, that was what the marriage certificate said.<\/p>\n
I had spent years trying to become the kind of wife his family would accept. I learned which subjects upset his mother, which meals she preferred, and when to keep quiet even when I knew she was being cruel.<\/p>\n
Victoria, my mother-in-law, had never hidden her opinion of me.<\/p>\n
She believed her son deserved someone better.<\/p>\n
Someone richer, perhaps.<\/p>\n
Someone who would never disagree with her.<\/p>\n
Someone who understood that marrying Dominic meant accepting that his mother would always come first.<\/p>\n
I had heard her say those things often enough that they began to sound ordinary.<\/p>\n
That was the dangerous part.<\/p>\n
Cruelty becomes easier to live with when it arrives in small amounts every day.<\/p>\n
A remark at breakfast.<\/p>\n
A correction in front of guests.<\/p>\n
A reminder that the house belonged to her family, even though I lived there as Dominic's wife.<\/p>\n
I kept telling myself that things would improve.<\/p>\n
Dominic would mature.<\/p>\n
Victoria would soften.<\/p>\n
We would eventually have a child, and perhaps that child would give our little family something of its own.<\/p>\n
That was the future I held on to.<\/p>\n
A child.<\/p>\n
I had imagined telling Dominic the news in a quiet room, somewhere without his mother's voice in the background.<\/p>\n
I had imagined the surprise on his face.<\/p>\n
Maybe he would take my hand.<\/p>\n
Maybe he would finally look at me as though I was more than a woman who had learned how to make his life convenient.<\/p>\n
I hadn't told anyone yet.<\/p>\n
Not even him.<\/p>\n
I wanted one moment that belonged only to us.<\/p>\n
It was a foolish wish, looking back.<\/p>\n
But at the time, I thought happiness was something I could protect by keeping it quiet.<\/p>\n
That evening, Victoria found me near the stairs.<\/p>\n
She was dressed as though she had somewhere important to be, even though she had no intention of leaving the house.<\/p>\n
Her eyes moved over me with the same expression she always wore when she was deciding what was wrong with me.<\/p>\n
"Why are you standing here?"<\/p>\n
I looked toward the upper floor.<\/p>\n
She followed my gaze.<\/p>\n
For a moment, neither of us spoke.<\/p>\n
Then she smiled without warmth.<\/p>\n
"You heard them."<\/p>\n
It wasn't a question.<\/p>\n
I felt my face grow hot.<\/p>\n
"Victoria, I think we need to talk about Dominic."<\/p>\n
She gave a small, impatient sigh.<\/p>\n
"About what? His private life?"<\/p>\n
I stared at her.<\/p>\n
"My marriage is not just his private life."<\/p>\n
She took a step closer.<\/p>\n
That was when I realized she wasn't going to comfort me, explain anything, or even pretend that what was happening upstairs was a mistake.<\/p>\n
She already knew.<\/p>\n
Perhaps she had known for some time.<\/p>\n
"You're making this more difficult than it needs to be, Audrey."<\/p>\n
I almost laughed.<\/p>\n
I was the one standing downstairs while my husband entertained another woman in our bed, yet somehow I was the person making things difficult.<\/p>\n
"What would you have me do?"<\/p>\n
The question came out quieter than I intended.<\/p>\n
Victoria looked toward the stairs, then back at me.<\/p>\n
"Stop behaving as though the world owes you something."<\/p>\n
I wanted to tell her that I had never asked the world for anything.<\/p>\n
I had only wanted my husband to be faithful.<\/p>\n
I had only wanted his mother to stop treating me like an unwanted guest.<\/p>\n
I had only wanted the home I had worked so hard to maintain to feel safe.<\/p>\n
But I said nothing.<\/p>\n
Victoria stepped past me, then stopped.<\/p>\n
"You should be grateful Dominic married you at all."<\/p>\n
I remember that sentence because something inside me shifted when I heard it.<\/p>\n
Not dramatically.<\/p>\n
There was no sudden courage, no perfect response, no moment when I became a different woman.<\/p>\n
I simply understood that I could spend the rest of my life trying to satisfy her and still never be enough.<\/p>\n
I turned toward the stairs.<\/p>\n
I wanted to go to my room, collect a few things, and leave.<\/p>\n
I didn't know where I would go.<\/p>\n
I didn't have a plan.<\/p>\n
But for the first time that evening, I knew I didn't want to stay.<\/p>\n
Victoria noticed.<\/p>\n
"Where do you think you're going?"<\/p>\n
"Upstairs."<\/p>\n
"Don't you dare make a scene."<\/p>\n
I looked at her.<\/p>\n
"I haven't made a scene."<\/p>\n
Her expression changed.<\/p>\n
It was a small change, but I saw it.<\/p>\n
She was accustomed to my silence. She knew how to handle my tears, my apologies, and my attempts to keep the peace.<\/p>\n
She didn't know what to do when I stopped trying to please her.<\/p>\n
I reached for the railing.<\/p>\n
"Audrey."<\/p>\n
I kept climbing.<\/p>\n
"Come back here when I'm speaking to you."<\/p>\n
I heard her footsteps behind me.<\/p>\n
Then her hand closed around my arm.<\/p>\n
I turned.<\/p>\n
Everything happened too quickly for me to understand it as it happened.<\/p>\n
There was anger in her face.<\/p>\n
There was a sharp movement.<\/p>\n
There was the sudden loss of the railing beneath my fingers.<\/p>\n
And then there was nothing solid left to hold on to.<\/p>\n
I fell.<\/p>\n
My body struck the steps before I could protect myself. I remember trying to reach for something, anything, while the staircase seemed to tilt beneath me.<\/p>\n
Then my head hit the hard floor below.<\/p>\n
Pain flashed through me.<\/p>\n
I heard Victoria's voice.<\/p>\n
"Perhaps now you'll understand where you belong."<\/p>\n
Those were the last words I understood before the world went dark.<\/p>\n
I never saw Dominic come downstairs.<\/p>\n
I never heard him ask what had happened.<\/p>\n
And I never got to tell anyone about the baby.<\/p>\n
When I opened my eyes again, I was beneath bright hospital lights.<\/p>\n
My head hurt so badly that I couldn't immediately remember where I was.<\/p>\n
I tried to move, but my body felt heavy.<\/p>\n
A monitor beeped somewhere beside me.<\/p>\n
My throat was dry.<\/p>\n
I lifted my hand toward my forehead and felt a thick dressing above my eyebrow.<\/p>\n
That was when the memories began to return.<\/p>\n
The staircase.<\/p>\n
Victoria's hand.<\/p>\n
The floor rushing toward me.<\/p>\n
I tried to sit up.<\/p>\n
A man in a white coat stepped beside the bed.<\/p>\n
"Please take it slowly, Audrey."<\/p>\n
I looked at him, searching his face for an explanation.<\/p>\n
He introduced himself as Dr. Alexander Reed, then checked the notes beside my bed.<\/p>\n
"You're in the hospital. You've been injured in a fall."<\/p>\n
I swallowed.<\/p>\n
"How long have I been here?"<\/p>\n
"Long enough for us to examine you and make sure you were stable."<\/p>\n
I looked down at my hands.<\/p>\n
They were trembling.<\/p>\n
"Can I go home?"<\/p>\n
He didn't answer immediately.<\/p>\n
That hesitation frightened me more than the pain.<\/p>\n
"Doctor?"<\/p>\n
He pulled a chair closer to the bed.<\/p>\n
"Audrey, there's something we need to discuss."<\/p>\n
I felt my stomach tighten.<\/p>\n
I thought he was going to tell me about my head injury.<\/p>\n
I thought perhaps I had broken something.<\/p>\n
I thought of a dozen possibilities, and none of them prepared me for the truth.<\/p>\n
"You're pregnant," he said gently.<\/p>\n
For a moment, I didn't understand the words.<\/p>\n
Then my hand moved toward my stomach.<\/p>\n
I had suspected it.<\/p>\n
I had counted the days, noticed the changes, and wondered whether I was imagining things.<\/p>\n
I had planned to buy a test the next morning.<\/p>\n
I had wanted to be certain before I told Dominic.<\/p>\n
Now a doctor was sitting beside my hospital bed, telling me that the secret I had been carrying was no longer a secret.<\/p>\n
Eight weeks.<\/p>\n
That was how far along I had been.<\/p>\n
Eight weeks of a future I had barely allowed myself to imagine.<\/p>\n
I looked at Dr. Reed.<\/p>\n
"Is the baby okay?"<\/p>\n
He lowered his eyes.<\/p>\n
I knew before he answered.<\/p>\n
The room seemed to become very quiet.<\/p>\n
"I'm sorry, Audrey. The injuries from the fall caused a miscarriage."<\/p>\n
I stared at him.<\/p>\n
"No."<\/p>\n
It was the only word I could manage.<\/p>\n
He tried to explain, but I couldn't follow everything he said.<\/p>\n
My mind kept returning to the same impossible thought.<\/p>\n
There had been a baby.<\/p>\n
My baby.<\/p>\n
And now there wasn't.<\/p>\n
I pressed both hands against my stomach as though I could somehow keep the loss from becoming real.<\/p>\n
I cried without making a sound.<\/p>\n
I didn't know how long I stayed that way.<\/p>\n
Dr. Reed remained beside me until I could look at him again.<\/p>\n
When I finally spoke, my voice sounded unfamiliar.<\/p>\n
"Does my husband know?"<\/p>\n
The doctor paused.<\/p>\n
"We tried to contact him."<\/p>\n
That wasn't the answer I wanted.<\/p>\n
"Did he come?"<\/p>\n
Dr. Reed's expression told me enough.<\/p>\n
"No," he said quietly. "He hasn't arrived."<\/p>\n
I turned my face toward the window.<\/p>\n
Outside, the world continued as though nothing had happened.<\/p>\n
Cars passed.<\/p>\n
People walked along the pavement.<\/p>\n
Somewhere, someone was probably laughing over dinner.<\/p>\n
My husband was alive, healthy, and in the same city.<\/p>\n
And I was lying in a hospital bed, grieving a child he didn't even know existed.<\/p>\n
I wanted to hate him.<\/p>\n
Instead, I felt empty.<\/p>\n
Then Dr. Reed reached for the small table beside my bed.<\/p>\n
"There was a message delivered with these flowers."<\/p>\n
I turned back.<\/p>\n
A bouquet sat near the window.<\/p>\n
The flowers were pale and arranged carefully, the sort of arrangement someone might send when they wanted to appear thoughtful without having to show up personally.<\/p>\n
A card rested against the vase.<\/p>\n
I recognized Victoria's handwriting.<\/p>\n
My fingers shook as I opened it.<\/p>\n
The message was brief.<\/p>\n
She had written that unfortunate things happened and that I shouldn't make the situation worse by overreacting.<\/p>\n
I read it twice.<\/p>\n
Then I placed the card face down.<\/p>\n
I didn't cry again.<\/p>\n
Something had changed, and I couldn't yet explain what it was.<\/p>\n
I only knew that the woman who had pushed me down those stairs had sent flowers instead of an apology.<\/p>\n
My husband had not come.<\/p>\n
And the child I had been carrying was gone.<\/p>\n
For the first time since I married Dominic, I stopped asking myself what I could do to make them love me.<\/p>\n
I began wondering why I had spent so long begging for something they had never intended to give.<\/p>\n
I used to believe that if I loved someone enough, eventually they would stop hurting me. I was wrong. The first thing I remember about that night was the sound … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":40899,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-40900","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-insightdrama"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40900","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=40900"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40900\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":40920,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40900\/revisions\/40920"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/40899"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=40900"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=40900"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=40900"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}