The next afternoon, I heard Tommy\u2019s oversized shoes before I saw him.<\/p>\n
They made a soft, uneven sound against the concrete outside the shop.<\/p>\n
Then the door opened.<\/p>\n
Tommy stood there with one hand on the handle and the other tucked inside his jacket pocket.<\/p>\n
\u201cHi, Bear.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHey, Tommy. Come on in.\u201d<\/p>\n
He stepped inside, but he didn\u2019t head straight for the crooked wooden chair.<\/p>\n
That was the first thing I noticed.<\/p>\n
Usually, he looked at the chair before anything else, as if he needed to make sure it was still there.<\/p>\n
That afternoon, he looked at the floor.<\/p>\n
Tiny was feeding Buddy behind the shop, and Tank had a motorcycle open on the lift.<\/p>\n
Wheels was sorting bolts into little plastic containers.<\/p>\n
Everything was ordinary.<\/p>\n
I had learned that ordinary could be a good thing for Tommy.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere\u2019s your notebook?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
Tommy touched his jacket pocket.<\/p>\n
\u201cHome.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat's okay.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn't forget it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn't think you did.\u201d<\/p>\n
He watched me for a moment, checking whether I meant it.<\/p>\n
Then he walked over to the workbench and stood beside me.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't want to draw today.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don't have to.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't want to fix anything either.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat's fine, too.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at the motorcycle on the lift.<\/p>\n
\u201cTank has a lot to do.\u201d<\/p>\n
Tank glanced over his shoulder.<\/p>\n
\u201cMotorcycles are patient. They don't mind waiting.\u201d<\/p>\n
Tommy considered that.<\/p>\n
\u201cPeople don't always wait.\u201d<\/p>\n
Tank set down his wrench.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, they don't. But we're trying to get better at it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Tommy nodded as if he had been given something important to think about.<\/p>\n
Then he walked to his chair.<\/p>\n
It creaked when he sat down.<\/p>\n
He pressed both hands against the wooden arms and looked around the shop.<\/p>\n
I returned to the workbench without asking him what was wrong.<\/p>\n
There were days when questions helped.<\/p>\n
There were other days when questions felt like another job somebody expected him to do.<\/p>\n
I didn't want him to believe he had to explain every feeling before he was allowed to sit with us.<\/p>\n
For several minutes, the only sounds were tools, the radio, and Wheels complaining about a bolt that refused to cooperate.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis bolt has personal problems,\u201d Wheels announced.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe it doesn't like you,\u201d Tommy said.<\/p>\n
Wheels stopped.<\/p>\n
Tank laughed first.<\/p>\n
Tiny came through the side door just in time to hear the end of it.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat happened?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTommy says the bolt doesn't like me.\u201d<\/p>\n
Tiny looked at the bolt.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan't blame it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Wheels put a hand over his heart.<\/p>\n
\u201cI bring joy into this building, and this is how I'm treated.\u201d<\/p>\n
Tommy smiled.<\/p>\n
It was small, but it was real.<\/p>\n
Then the smile faded, and he looked down at his shoes.<\/p>\n
I kept working.<\/p>\n
I was learning that Tommy's sadness didn't always mean something new had happened.<\/p>\n
Sometimes he missed his mother because he remembered her voice.<\/p>\n
Sometimes he missed her because another child mentioned a mother at school.<\/p>\n
Sometimes he missed her because the light fell across the floor in a way that reminded him of their old kitchen.<\/p>\n
And sometimes he missed her for no reason he could explain.<\/p>\n
That last kind seemed to trouble him most.<\/p>\n
He wanted sadness to have a reason he could point to.<\/p>\n
He wanted somebody to tell him how to make it stop.<\/p>\n
But grief wasn't a broken motorcycle.<\/p>\n
There wasn't always a loose part I could tighten.<\/p>\n
After a while, Tommy spoke from the chair.<\/p>\n
\u201cBear?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI'm listening.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCan people like you when you're not talking?\u201d<\/p>\n
I put down my wrench.<\/p>\n
\u201cAbsolutely.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat if you don't smile?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cStill can.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat if you just sit?\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at the chair.<\/p>\n
\u201cEspecially then.\u201d<\/p>\n
He rubbed the toe of one oversized shoe against the floor.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy aunt said I was quiet this morning.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWere you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you want to talk?\u201d<\/p>\n
He shook his head.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen being quiet sounds like what you needed.\u201d<\/p>\n
He stared at the floor for a few seconds.<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought maybe she was tired of me.\u201d<\/p>\n
That sentence landed harder than he probably knew.<\/p>\n
I had heard grown men say the same thing in different words.<\/p>\n
They worried that their grief made them difficult to love.<\/p>\n
They worried that their silence made them inconvenient.<\/p>\n
They worried that being sad for too long would eventually cost them the people they needed.<\/p>\n
Tommy was seven.<\/p>\n
He should not have had to carry that fear.<\/p>\n
But he did.<\/p>\n
\u201cTommy,\u201d I said, \u201cyour aunt can get tired. Everybody gets tired. That doesn't mean she's tired of you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow do you know?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't know every thought she has. But I know she's trying, and I know she came here yesterday to make things right with you.\u201d<\/p>\n
He remembered that.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe hugged me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe did.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd she said sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat's right.\u201d<\/p>\n
Tommy looked toward the door.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe she was still tired today.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe she was.\u201d<\/p>\n
He considered it.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan she be tired and still love me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, buddy.\u201d<\/p>\n
He was quiet for a long time.<\/p>\n
Then he asked, \u201cCan you?\u201d<\/p>\n
I knew what he meant.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan I get tired and still like having you here?\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course I can.\u201d<\/p>\n
I pulled a stool over and sat where he could see me.<\/p>\n
\u201cSome days I'll be tired. Some days Tank will be tired. Wheels is tired whenever he has to clean anything.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat's not true,\u201d Wheels called from across the shop.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt is absolutely true,\u201d Tank answered.<\/p>\n
Tommy gave a little laugh.<\/p>\n
I continued.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut you don't have to make us happy every minute. You don't have to tell jokes or fix things or draw pictures. You can have a quiet day, and you'll still have your place here.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at the chair beneath him.<\/p>\n
\u201cEven if I don't do anything?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEven then.\u201d<\/p>\n
He leaned back.<\/p>\n
The chair creaked again.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay.\u201d<\/p>\n
That was all he said.<\/p>\n
It was enough.<\/p>\n
A little later, Tiny returned with Buddy following him through the side door.<\/p>\n
Buddy's white paw was muddy.<\/p>\n
Tommy watched the dog sniff around the shop.<\/p>\n
\u201cBuddy had a hard day,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
Tiny looked at the muddy paw.<\/p>\n
\u201cBuddy had a hard five minutes. He found a puddle.\u201d<\/p>\n
Tommy smiled again.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan he sit with me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBuddy can sit wherever he wants,\u201d Tiny said. \u201cBut he might try to steal your shoes.\u201d<\/p>\n
Tommy looked down at his feet.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey're too big for him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat has never stopped a determined dog.\u201d<\/p>\n
Tiny wiped Buddy's paw with an old towel before letting him approach.<\/p>\n
Buddy rested his head against Tommy's knee.<\/p>\n
Tommy placed a hand on the dog's back.<\/p>\n
For a while, neither of them moved.<\/p>\n
I watched from the workbench.<\/p>\n
The afternoon sun came through the front windows and settled over the cardboard shelf.<\/p>\n
Four drawings were still taped there.<\/p>\n
The bikers.<\/p>\n
The old house and the yellow sun.<\/p>\n
The shop with the open door.<\/p>\n
The chair where Tommy sat when he was sad.<\/p>\n
Tommy followed my eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy pictures are still there.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThey haven't moved.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEven the sad one?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEspecially the sad one.\u201d<\/p>\n
He rubbed Buddy's back.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe I'll draw tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe you will.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe I won't.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat's okay, too.\u201d<\/p>\n
He seemed pleased that I hadn't tried to turn tomorrow into a promise.<\/p>\n
When Helen arrived, she found Tommy sitting with Buddy beside his chair.<\/p>\n
She stopped just inside the door.<\/p>\n
\u201cHello, sweetheart.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHi, Aunt Helen.\u201d<\/p>\n
She looked at the dog.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs that Buddy?\u201d<\/p>\n
Tommy nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe had a muddy paw.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can see that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTiny cleaned it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Tiny lifted the towel.<\/p>\n
\u201cBest dog-cleaning service in town.\u201d<\/p>\n
Helen smiled, then looked at Tommy again.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow was your afternoon?\u201d<\/p>\n
Tommy thought about it.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn't draw.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAll right.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn't fix anything.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat's all right, too.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI was quiet.\u201d<\/p>\n
Helen's expression changed slightly.<\/p>\n
She glanced at me, then returned her attention to Tommy.<\/p>\n
\u201cWere you?\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cBear said people can like you when you're quiet.\u201d<\/p>\n
Helen swallowed.<\/p>\n
For a moment, I thought she might start explaining herself.<\/p>\n
Instead, she walked over and knelt beside the chair.<\/p>\n
\u201cI like you when you're quiet,\u201d she told him. \u201cI like you when you're talking, too. I like you when you're happy, and I like you when you're sad.\u201d<\/p>\n
Tommy watched her face.<\/p>\n
\u201cEven when you're tired?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEven when I'm tired.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEven when you get mad?\u201d<\/p>\n
Helen took a breath.<\/p>\n
\u201cEven then. But if I get mad and speak to you in a way that hurts your feelings, I need to try to make it right.\u201d<\/p>\n
Tommy considered this.<\/p>\n
\u201cLike saying sorry?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLike saying sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd hugging?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf you want a hug.\u201d<\/p>\n
He held out his arms.<\/p>\n
Helen hugged him beside the chair.<\/p>\n
She didn't rush him away from the moment.<\/p>\n
She didn't tell him he was fine.<\/p>\n
She simply held him until he was ready to let go.<\/p>\n
When she stood, she looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n
I shook my head.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe did the hard part.\u201d<\/p>\n
Tommy looked confused.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat hard part?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cComing in on a quiet day,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
He thought about that, then took Helen's hand.<\/p>\n
At the door, he turned around.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan I come back?\u201d<\/p>\n
Helen squeezed his hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe'll keep working out your afternoons.\u201d<\/p>\n
Tommy looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cWill the chair still be here?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt's not going anywhere.\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
Then he left with Helen, his oversized shoes making that same uneven sound on the pavement.<\/p>\n
I watched them cross Riverside Avenue.<\/p>\n
I didn't know what tomorrow would bring.<\/p>\n
But I knew one thing.<\/p>\n
Tommy had come to the shop without his notebook, without a drawing, and without anything to offer us.<\/p>\n
He had sat in his chair and asked whether we could still like him.<\/p>\n
And the answer had remained the same.<\/p>\n
The next afternoon, I heard Tommy\u2019s oversized shoes before I saw him. They made a soft, uneven sound against the concrete outside the shop. Then the door opened. Tommy stood … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":39999,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-40016","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-insightdrama"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40016","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=40016"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40016\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":40036,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40016\/revisions\/40036"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/39999"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=40016"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=40016"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=40016"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}