The days after dinner passed quietly.<\/p>\n
Diane didn't come to the house.<\/p>\n
Jake spoke to her on the phone a few times, but he didn't tell me much about those conversations.<\/p>\n
I didn't ask for a report every time they spoke.<\/p>\n
I wanted their relationship to have room to exist without becoming a subject of constant discussion.<\/p>\n
Still, I noticed things.<\/p>\n
When Diane called while we were eating, Jake sometimes let the call go unanswered until we had finished.<\/p>\n
When she asked him about plans, he occasionally told her he would check our schedule before agreeing.<\/p>\n
They were small changes.<\/p>\n
I noticed them because I had become accustomed to the opposite.<\/p>\n
I didn't praise him every time he made a decision without consulting his mother.<\/p>\n
I didn't want basic consideration to become something he did only because I rewarded him for it.<\/p>\n
But I did appreciate the effort.<\/p>\n
One evening, we were sitting together on the couch when his phone rang.<\/p>\n
He glanced at the screen.<\/p>\n
\u201cMom again.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou can answer.\u201d<\/p>\n
He picked up the phone.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey, Mom.\u201d<\/p>\n
I returned my attention to the television.<\/p>\n
I wasn't listening deliberately, but I could hear his side of the conversation.<\/p>\n
He asked how she was doing.<\/p>\n
He answered a question.<\/p>\n
Then he paused.<\/p>\n
\u201cI can't come over tonight. Rachel and I already have plans.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked toward him.<\/p>\n
We didn't have any important plans.<\/p>\n
We had talked about making dinner and spending the evening at home.<\/p>\n
But that was still a plan.<\/p>\n
For once, he didn't sound apologetic.<\/p>\n
He didn't look at me as though he needed permission to say it.<\/p>\n
He simply told his mother he wasn't available.<\/p>\n
A few minutes later, he ended the call.<\/p>\n
I didn't comment immediately.<\/p>\n
He set the phone on the table.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n
I realized I had been looking at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cNothing.\u201d<\/p>\n
He raised an eyebrow.<\/p>\n
I smiled a little.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was just surprised.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBy what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat you told her we already had plans.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked confused.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe did.\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed softly.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes. We did.\u201d<\/p>\n
He returned his attention to the television.<\/p>\n
I felt a small warmth in my chest.<\/p>\n
It wasn't a grand gesture.<\/p>\n
It wasn't an apology for everything that had happened.<\/p>\n
But it was a moment in which he had treated our shared time as something worth protecting.<\/p>\n
I wanted more moments like that.<\/p>\n
Not because I wanted to keep score.<\/p>\n
Because I wanted to feel that the life we were building together mattered to both of us.<\/p>\n
Later that evening, while we were cleaning up the kitchen, Jake asked me something I hadn't expected.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you think Mom hates you?\u201d<\/p>\n
I stopped wiping the counter.<\/p>\n
I looked at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy would you ask me that?\u201d<\/p>\n
He shrugged.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe seems different around you lately.\u201d<\/p>\n
I thought about it.<\/p>\n
I could have said yes.<\/p>\n
I could have told him that Diane had never made me feel welcome in the way I had hoped.<\/p>\n
But I didn't know whether she hated me.<\/p>\n
I knew she disapproved of me at times.<\/p>\n
I knew she had behaved as though I were an obstacle between her and her son.<\/p>\n
I knew she had used the down payment to remind me of her importance in our lives.<\/p>\n
But I couldn't claim to know everything she felt.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't know,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
Jake leaned against the counter.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't think she hates you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe she doesn't.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe just worries about me.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cJake, she can worry about you without treating me like a problem.\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded slowly.<\/p>\n
I could tell he was thinking about that.<\/p>\n
I continued wiping the counter.<\/p>\n
For once, he didn't immediately defend her.<\/p>\n
He didn't tell me I was taking things too personally.<\/p>\n
He didn't ask me to understand what she had meant.<\/p>\n
He simply stood there and considered my words.<\/p>\n
That small silence felt different from the ones we had shared before.<\/p>\n
It didn't seem designed to end the conversation.<\/p>\n
It seemed to leave room for him to think.<\/p>\n
I didn't push him to say more.<\/p>\n
We finished cleaning the kitchen and went upstairs.<\/p>\n
As I changed for bed, I noticed the chair beside the mattress.<\/p>\n
My robe was draped over its back.<\/p>\n
I remembered the night Diane had stood in front of it, refusing to move while I tried to reach my clothes.<\/p>\n
I felt the old embarrassment for a moment.<\/p>\n
Then I reminded myself that the memory didn't have to control the room forever.<\/p>\n
I took my robe and hung it in the closet.<\/p>\n
Jake watched me.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy do you keep moving that?\u201d<\/p>\n
I turned toward him.<\/p>\n
\u201cMoving what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYour robe. You used to leave it there.\u201d<\/p>\n
I hadn't realized he had noticed.<\/p>\n
I looked at the chair.<\/p>\n
\u201cI guess I got used to putting it away.\u201d<\/p>\n
He didn't say anything.<\/p>\n
I wondered whether he remembered how Diane had stood there that night.<\/p>\n
Perhaps he did.<\/p>\n
Perhaps he had tried not to think about it.<\/p>\n
I didn't want to turn the robe into another argument.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt doesn't matter,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
Jake looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt matters if it bothers you.\u201d<\/p>\n
I was surprised by that answer.<\/p>\n
I sat on the edge of the bed.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't want the whole house to remind me of what happened.\u201d<\/p>\n
He came and sat beside me.<\/p>\n
\u201cI understand.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at him.<\/p>\n
This time, I believed he was trying.<\/p>\n
That didn't mean I believed everything was fixed.<\/p>\n
It meant I could see that he was making an effort to understand something he had previously avoided.<\/p>\n
\u201cI want this to feel like our home again,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt is our home.\u201d<\/p>\n
I swallowed.<\/p>\n
\u201cI need it to feel that way, too.\u201d<\/p>\n
He took my hand.<\/p>\n
We sat quietly for a moment.<\/p>\n
Then he said, \u201cI'm sorry I didn't tell her to leave that night.\u201d<\/p>\n
The words were simple.<\/p>\n
They were also the first direct apology he had given me for his part in what happened.<\/p>\n
I looked down at our hands.<\/p>\n
I had imagined hearing those words many times.<\/p>\n
I thought I would feel an immediate sense of relief.<\/p>\n
Instead, I felt sadness.<\/p>\n
I was sad that we had needed so much time to reach such a simple sentence.<\/p>\n
I was sad that I had spent so long wondering whether I was asking too much.<\/p>\n
And I was sad for the version of myself who had stood in that bedroom, holding a sheet against her chest, hoping her husband would remember that he was her husband.<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you for saying that,\u201d I told him.<\/p>\n
He squeezed my hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cI should have handled it differently.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes,\u201d I said. \u201cYou should have.\u201d<\/p>\n
I didn't rush to tell him it was all right.<\/p>\n
Because it wasn't.<\/p>\n
But I could accept an apology without pretending the hurt had vanished.<\/p>\n
That night, we went to sleep beside each other.<\/p>\n
The space between us felt smaller.<\/p>\n
Not because we had solved every problem.<\/p>\n
Because, for the first time since that night, Jake had acknowledged that there had been a problem he needed to help solve.<\/p>\n
I fell asleep thinking about that.<\/p>\n
It wasn't enough to restore everything I had lost.<\/p>\n
But it was something real.<\/p>\n
The days after dinner passed quietly. Diane didn't come to the house. Jake spoke to her on the phone a few times, but he didn't tell me much about those … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":39052,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-39063","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-insightdrama"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39063","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=39063"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39063\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":39083,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39063\/revisions\/39083"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/39052"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=39063"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=39063"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=39063"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}