The next time I spoke with the doctor, I brought a small list of questions.<\/p>\n
I had written them on a piece of paper because I was tired of forgetting what I wanted to ask.<\/p>\n
The handwriting was uneven.<\/p>\n
I had written too quickly.<\/p>\n
Still, the list helped me focus.<\/p>\n
I asked about Maggie's condition first.<\/p>\n
The doctor explained that the medical team was continuing to monitor her and evaluate the effects of the sedative.<\/p>\n
I asked what the dehydration meant for her recovery.<\/p>\n
She explained that it was another concern they were addressing as part of her care.<\/p>\n
I listened and wrote down a few words.<\/p>\n
Then I asked about the medication again.<\/p>\n
I wanted to understand what the results could tell us.<\/p>\n
The doctor explained that they had found a significant amount of a prescription sedative in Maggie's system.<\/p>\n
The substance could cause confusion, weakness, and extended periods of unconsciousness.<\/p>\n
Repeated exposure could be dangerous.<\/p>\n
Those were the medical facts.<\/p>\n
The results did not establish who had given Maggie the medication, whether she had taken it knowingly, or exactly when each exposure had occurred.<\/p>\n
I wrote that down too.<\/p>\n
It was important.<\/p>\n
I didn't want to walk away from the conversation remembering only the part that frightened me most.<\/p>\n
When the doctor finished, I looked at my list.<\/p>\n
There was one question I had written at the bottom.<\/p>\n
I hesitated before asking it.<\/p>\n
\u201cCould she have been unable to call me because of the medication?\u201d<\/p>\n
The doctor explained that the effects could interfere with awareness and the ability to respond normally.<\/p>\n
She could not tell me whether that was precisely what had happened to Maggie during those four days.<\/p>\n
But it was a possibility consistent with the effects she had described.<\/p>\n
I looked down at the paper.<\/p>\n
For days, I had wondered whether Maggie was choosing not to answer me.<\/p>\n
I had imagined her seeing my calls and deciding she would deal with them later.<\/p>\n
I had imagined her being too busy to respond.<\/p>\n
I had even wondered whether she was upset with me about something I hadn't noticed.<\/p>\n
I had never wanted to believe those things.<\/p>\n
But I had allowed them to cross my mind.<\/p>\n
Now I had to consider that she might not have been able to answer at all.<\/p>\n
I folded the paper once and held it in my hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you for explaining it.\u201d<\/p>\n
The doctor nodded.<\/p>\n
She reminded me that they would continue monitoring Maggie and that I should speak with the staff if I had further concerns.<\/p>\n
After she left, I sat down.<\/p>\n
I read the questions again.<\/p>\n
The list looked almost absurdly simple.<\/p>\n
How was she doing?<\/p>\n
What did the test results mean?<\/p>\n
Could the medication explain her silence?<\/p>\n
I had driven to Knoxville because I couldn't bear not knowing where my wife was.<\/p>\n
Now I was learning that even when I found her, the answers would come slowly.<\/p>\n
I placed the paper on the table beside my phone.<\/p>\n
For a moment, I thought about calling our son again.<\/p>\n
I wanted to tell him that Maggie was receiving care.<\/p>\n
I wanted to ask what he knew about the days before she became unwell.<\/p>\n
I wanted him to understand how serious the situation was.<\/p>\n
But I also knew that I needed to be careful with what I said.<\/p>\n
I could tell him the facts I had been given.<\/p>\n
I could tell him I was worried.<\/p>\n
I could ask him to contact me.<\/p>\n
I could not tell him that I knew how the medication had entered Maggie's system.<\/p>\n
I didn't know.<\/p>\n
I picked up the phone and tried him again.<\/p>\n
There was no answer.<\/p>\n
I put the phone down without making another call.<\/p>\n
I had reached the point where repeating the same action no longer felt useful.<\/p>\n
I would try again later.<\/p>\n
For now, I needed to be present for Maggie.<\/p>\n
I moved my chair closer to her bed.<\/p>\n
The folded paper remained on the table.<\/p>\n
I looked at it once more before turning my attention to my wife.<\/p>\n
I thought about what I would say when she could hear me.<\/p>\n
I would tell her that I had come to Knoxville because I was worried.<\/p>\n
I would tell her that the doctors were caring for her.<\/p>\n
I would tell her she didn't have to explain everything immediately.<\/p>\n
I would ask whether she remembered anything about what had happened.<\/p>\n
And I would listen.<\/p>\n
I didn't want to frighten her with my suspicions.<\/p>\n
I didn't want to make her feel responsible for reassuring me.<\/p>\n
I wanted to know what she had experienced.<\/p>\n
If she remembered nothing, I would have to accept that.<\/p>\n
If she remembered something that raised more questions, I would have to listen to that too.<\/p>\n
I couldn't decide in advance which answer would be easier.<\/p>\n
I had spent too much time trying to prepare myself for a conversation that hadn't happened.<\/p>\n
I needed to be ready for the person who was actually there, not the version of Maggie I had created in my imagination.<\/p>\n
I reached for her hand.<\/p>\n
Her fingers rested against mine.<\/p>\n
I held them gently.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don't have to hurry,\u201d I whispered.<\/p>\n
I looked at her face.<\/p>\n
\u201cI just want you to get better.\u201d<\/p>\n
That was the truth beneath every other question.<\/p>\n
I wanted answers, but not at the expense of her recovery.<\/p>\n
I wanted to understand what had happened, but I didn't need her to solve the mystery while she was still unwell.<\/p>\n
I wanted our family to be safe.<\/p>\n
I wanted the silence to end.<\/p>\n
And I wanted to hear Maggie's voice again, even if all she said was that she was tired and wanted to sleep.<\/p>\n
I sat beside her until the coffee on the table grew cold.<\/p>\n
I didn't drink it.<\/p>\n
I didn't reach for my phone.<\/p>\n
I watched the room and waited.<\/p>\n
The questions remained.<\/p>\n
But for the first time, they no longer felt like a hundred different fears.<\/p>\n
They had become a few things I needed to understand, one at a time.<\/p>\n
I could not change the past four days.<\/p>\n
I could not make the test results tell me more than they did.<\/p>\n
I could not force our son to answer his phone.<\/p>\n
But I could be honest about what I knew, patient about what I didn't, and ready to hear Maggie when she was able to speak.<\/p>\n
That was where I would begin.<\/p>\n
The next time I spoke with the doctor, I brought a small list of questions. I had written them on a piece of paper because I was tired of forgetting … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":37891,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-37903","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-insightdrama"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37903","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=37903"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37903\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":37919,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37903\/revisions\/37919"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/37891"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=37903"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=37903"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=37903"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}