I woke with a stiff neck and my cheek pressed against the back of the hospital chair.<\/p>\n
For a moment, I didn't know where I was.<\/p>\n
Then I saw Maggie.<\/p>\n
The blanket was still pulled up around her, and the room was quiet except for the sounds coming from the corridor.<\/p>\n
I sat upright and rubbed my face.<\/p>\n
My phone lay on my lap.<\/p>\n
The screen was dark.<\/p>\n
I checked it anyway.<\/p>\n
There was nothing from our son.<\/p>\n
I slipped the phone into my pocket and stood beside the bed.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaggie, it's me.\u201d<\/p>\n
I had started saying that every time I returned to her side.<\/p>\n
It gave me something familiar to do.<\/p>\n
I didn't know whether she recognized my voice, but I hoped she did.<\/p>\n
A nurse came in a little later and checked on her.<\/p>\n
I asked whether there had been any change.<\/p>\n
She explained that the team was continuing to monitor Maggie and that they would let me know if there was anything important to discuss.<\/p>\n
I thanked her.<\/p>\n
I was learning to accept that the people caring for my wife could tell me what they knew without being able to tell me everything I wanted to know.<\/p>\n
That morning, the doctor spoke with me again.<\/p>\n
I stood near the bed while she explained that Maggie still needed observation and careful assessment.<\/p>\n
I asked whether the sedative could account for the periods when Maggie hadn't been responsive.<\/p>\n
The doctor said it could contribute to that condition.<\/p>\n
She also reminded me that they needed to consider the full picture rather than assume one test result explained every detail.<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
I was trying to learn the difference between an explanation and a conclusion.<\/p>\n
The medication was there.<\/p>\n
The dehydration was there.<\/p>\n
Those were facts.<\/p>\n
How Maggie had come into contact with the medication remained unanswered.<\/p>\n
I asked whether she might have been given it without knowing.<\/p>\n
The doctor said the results alone couldn't establish that.<\/p>\n
I appreciated her honesty, even though I wished she could give me something more definite.<\/p>\n
When she left, I sat down and thought about the word she had used.<\/p>\n
Repeatedly.<\/p>\n
The medication had been present in a significant amount, and the doctor had explained that repeated exposure could be dangerous.<\/p>\n
I couldn't stop thinking about that.<\/p>\n
An accidental mistake was one possibility I had considered.<\/p>\n
But I couldn't make myself assume that a single mistake explained everything.<\/p>\n
I also couldn't turn that concern into an accusation.<\/p>\n
I had no evidence to support one.<\/p>\n
I looked at Maggie's face and tried to imagine what she might say when she was able to talk.<\/p>\n
Perhaps she would remember taking something.<\/p>\n
Perhaps she would explain that she had been given medicine for a legitimate reason.<\/p>\n
Perhaps she would have no clear memory of those hours.<\/p>\n
I didn't know.<\/p>\n
I had to stop treating my imagination as if it could fill the gaps.<\/p>\n
I reached for the phone.<\/p>\n
I called our son again.<\/p>\n
The call rang.<\/p>\n
I waited until it ended.<\/p>\n
No answer.<\/p>\n
I stared at the screen for several seconds.<\/p>\n
Then I put the phone down.<\/p>\n
I had spent days hoping that the next call would settle everything.<\/p>\n
Now I understood that I couldn't build my entire understanding of Maggie's condition around whether our son answered.<\/p>\n
His silence was troubling.<\/p>\n
It wasn't proof of anything.<\/p>\n
I needed to remember that.<\/p>\n
Still, I wanted to hear his voice.<\/p>\n
I wanted him to tell me that he knew where his mother was and that he understood what had happened.<\/p>\n
I wanted to know whether he had been with her when she became unwell.<\/p>\n
I wanted to know whether he had seen anything that could help the medical team.<\/p>\n
Those were reasonable questions.<\/p>\n
I could not answer them by sitting beside the phone.<\/p>\n
I looked toward the window.<\/p>\n
The daylight had changed while I was thinking.<\/p>\n
I had no idea how long I had been sitting there.<\/p>\n
For the first time that morning, I felt hungry.<\/p>\n
I left the room long enough to get something to eat.<\/p>\n
When I returned, I carried a cup of coffee.<\/p>\n
I set it on the small table and looked at Maggie.<\/p>\n
The smell reminded me of home.<\/p>\n
I thought of her cup beside the sink and the way she always insisted that coffee tasted better when it had cooled just enough to drink without burning your mouth.<\/p>\n
I wondered when I would see her standing in our kitchen again.<\/p>\n
I didn't let myself answer.<\/p>\n
Instead, I pulled the chair closer to the bed.<\/p>\n
I wanted to be there when she became more aware of what was happening around her.<\/p>\n
I wanted to hear whatever she could tell me in her own words.<\/p>\n
And I wanted to be able to say that I had listened.<\/p>\n
That had become more important than finding an answer quickly.<\/p>\n
I had spent much of my life believing that being a good husband meant solving problems and keeping things steady.<\/p>\n
When Maggie worried about something, I tried to find a practical answer.<\/p>\n
When our son needed help, I wanted to know what needed to be done.<\/p>\n
I had always believed that action was better than sitting helplessly with a question.<\/p>\n
But I couldn't solve this by making a list or placing a few calls.<\/p>\n
I couldn't even be certain what the problem was beyond the medical facts the doctor had explained.<\/p>\n
I had to wait for more information.<\/p>\n
And I had to resist the temptation to turn uncertainty into a story that made sense to me.<\/p>\n
I took a sip of coffee.<\/p>\n
It had already begun to cool.<\/p>\n
I set it down and reached for Maggie's hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't know what happened,\u201d I told her.<\/p>\n
My voice was quiet.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut I'm going to listen when you can tell me.\u201d<\/p>\n
I sat back in the chair.<\/p>\n
For once, I wasn't waiting for my own fear to give me an answer.<\/p>\n
I was waiting for Maggie.<\/p>\n
I woke with a stiff neck and my cheek pressed against the back of the hospital chair. For a moment, I didn't know where I was. Then I saw Maggie. … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":37891,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-37900","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-insightdrama"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37900","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=37900"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37900\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":37916,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37900\/revisions\/37916"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/37891"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=37900"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=37900"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=37900"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}