I stayed in the chair after the doctor finished explaining the test results.<\/p>\n
My hands rested on my knees.<\/p>\n
I kept rubbing my thumb against the side of my finger, a habit I had whenever I was trying not to show how frightened I felt.<\/p>\n
The doctor noticed.<\/p>\n
\u201cMr. Callaway, I know this is difficult to hear.\u201d<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
I didn't trust myself to answer without asking the same question again.<\/p>\n
How had the medication gotten into Maggie's system?<\/p>\n
The doctor couldn't tell me that.<\/p>\n
She could explain what the tests showed and what the medication might do to a person.<\/p>\n
She couldn't tell me what had happened during the four days my wife had been away from home.<\/p>\n
I understood the difference.<\/p>\n
I just didn't know what to do with it.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan I see her?\u201d<\/p>\n
The doctor said she would check whether Maggie was ready for a visit.<\/p>\n
I stood as she left the room.<\/p>\n
For a moment, I considered following her into the hallway.<\/p>\n
I wanted someone to move faster.<\/p>\n
Then I looked at the closed door and reminded myself that the people caring for Maggie were trying to help her.<\/p>\n
I sat down again.<\/p>\n
There was a small clock on the wall.<\/p>\n
I watched its hands move.<\/p>\n
I had never been particularly patient, but I had always thought I was reasonable.<\/p>\n
That day, reasonable felt a lot like helpless.<\/p>\n
When the doctor returned, she told me I could go in.<\/p>\n
I followed her down the corridor.<\/p>\n
The hospital smelled of disinfectant and stale coffee.<\/p>\n
A cart rattled somewhere behind us.<\/p>\n
I barely noticed any of it.<\/p>\n
All I could think about was Maggie.<\/p>\n
I had pictured her in Knoxville answering questions, helping our son, and making plans for when she would come home.<\/p>\n
I had imagined her complaining about being tired.<\/p>\n
I had imagined her telling me I worried too much.<\/p>\n
I had not imagined this.<\/p>\n
The doctor stopped outside a room and spoke quietly before opening the door.<\/p>\n
\u201cTake your time with her.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stepped inside.<\/p>\n
Maggie lay in the bed with her eyes closed.<\/p>\n
There was a blanket over her, and the hospital sheets were tucked around her shoulders.<\/p>\n
She looked smaller than I remembered.<\/p>\n
Not because she had changed overnight, but because I had spent four days imagining her somewhere else, moving around, speaking to people, and taking care of things.<\/p>\n
Seeing her still like that made the silence between us feel different.<\/p>\n
I moved to the bedside.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaggie?\u201d<\/p>\n
She didn't answer.<\/p>\n
I waited.<\/p>\n
Then I touched the back of her hand.<\/p>\n
Her skin was warm.<\/p>\n
I hadn't realized how badly I needed that simple reassurance until I felt it.<\/p>\n
I pulled a chair close to the bed and sat down.<\/p>\n
For several minutes, I said nothing.<\/p>\n
I watched her face, looking for some sign that she knew I was there.<\/p>\n
I wanted to apologize for every hour I had spent at home telling myself not to worry.<\/p>\n
I wanted to tell her that I had come as soon as I understood something was wrong.<\/p>\n
But she wasn't awake enough for me to know whether she could hear me.<\/p>\n
So I said the simplest thing I could think of.<\/p>\n
\u201cI'm here, Maggie.\u201d<\/p>\n
My voice sounded unfamiliar.<\/p>\n
I cleared my throat.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don't have to do anything right now. Just rest.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stayed beside her.<\/p>\n
A nurse came in to check on Maggie and adjust something near the bed.<\/p>\n
She asked whether I needed anything.<\/p>\n
I shook my head.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan you tell me if she's getting better?\u201d<\/p>\n
The nurse explained that Maggie was being monitored and that the staff would continue watching her condition.<\/p>\n
She didn't promise a particular outcome.<\/p>\n
I appreciated that more than I expected.<\/p>\n
I had heard enough reassuring words in my life to know that reassurance wasn't the same as certainty.<\/p>\n
After the nurse left, I leaned forward and rested my arms on the edge of the bed.<\/p>\n
I thought about Maggie's coffee cup at home.<\/p>\n
I thought about the charger she had packed before leaving.<\/p>\n
I thought about her message telling me she had arrived safely.<\/p>\n
Those ordinary details had once meant nothing.<\/p>\n
Now I kept returning to them because they were the last pieces of the story I understood.<\/p>\n
I didn't know what had happened after she reached Knoxville.<\/p>\n
I didn't know how long she had been unwell.<\/p>\n
And I didn't know whether she had been able to ask anyone for help.<\/p>\n
The doctor had told me the medication could cause confusion and unconsciousness.<\/p>\n
That meant Maggie might not have been able to explain what she was feeling.<\/p>\n
The thought made me grip the edge of the chair.<\/p>\n
I had been angry that she hadn't answered.<\/p>\n
I had wondered whether she was avoiding me.<\/p>\n
I had even felt a little hurt.<\/p>\n
Looking back, those feelings embarrassed me.<\/p>\n
I had treated her silence as something she was doing to me.<\/p>\n
I hadn't considered that she might have been unable to break it.<\/p>\n
I sat with that shame until I could bear to look at her again.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaggie, I'm sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n
The words came out quietly.<\/p>\n
I wasn't sure she heard them.<\/p>\n
I said them anyway.<\/p>\n
A little later, the doctor returned to discuss the plan for her care.<\/p>\n
I stood so I could listen properly.<\/p>\n
She explained that the team needed to continue observing Maggie and assess how she responded as the effects of the medication diminished.<\/p>\n
They also needed more information about her recent exposure to the drug.<\/p>\n
I asked whether the dehydration had contributed to her condition.<\/p>\n
The doctor said it could have made things worse, but she didn't want to draw conclusions before the evaluation was complete.<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
Every answer seemed to lead to another question.<\/p>\n
I wanted a neat explanation.<\/p>\n
I wanted to hear that Maggie had taken something by mistake, that the situation was understood, and that the worst was already behind us.<\/p>\n
But the doctor didn't offer me a story she couldn't support.<\/p>\n
She gave me the facts she had.<\/p>\n
I had to accept that for now.<\/p>\n
Before she left, I asked whether Maggie had said anything about how she came to be in this condition.<\/p>\n
The doctor told me they would speak with her when she was able to participate in the conversation.<\/p>\n
I looked at Maggie.<\/p>\n
Her eyes remained closed.<\/p>\n
I returned to my chair.<\/p>\n
For the first time, I understood that I might have to wait for her to tell me what happened.<\/p>\n
And I would have to be ready to listen.<\/p>\n
I stayed in the chair after the doctor finished explaining the test results. My hands rested on my knees. I kept rubbing my thumb against the side of my finger, … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":37891,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-37896","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-insightdrama"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37896","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=37896"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37896\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":37912,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37896\/revisions\/37912"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/37891"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=37896"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=37896"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=37896"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}