The sound of the ambulance began to change.<\/p>\n
I noticed it before I understood why.<\/p>\n
The engine didn't seem to be working as hard.<\/p>\n
The movement beneath my feet became gentler.<\/p>\n
I looked toward the paramedic.<\/p>\n
"Are we almost there?"<\/p>\n
He glanced toward the front.<\/p>\n
"We're arriving."<\/p>\n
I looked immediately at Maggie.<\/p>\n
Her eyes were still closed.<\/p>\n
The oxygen mask rested against her face.<\/p>\n
Her hand lay quietly inside mine.<\/p>\n
I had spent the entire ride wanting to hear those words.<\/p>\n
We're arriving.<\/p>\n
Now that I had heard them, I felt another kind of fear.<\/p>\n
The ambulance ride had been frightening, but at least I knew where I belonged.<\/p>\n
I belonged beside Maggie.<\/p>\n
I knew which hand to hold.<\/p>\n
I knew how to move when the paramedic needed room.<\/p>\n
I knew how to watch her face.<\/p>\n
At the hospital, there would be more people.<\/p>\n
They would have questions.<\/p>\n
They might need to take her somewhere I couldn't follow immediately.<\/p>\n
I hadn't prepared myself for that.<\/p>\n
The vehicle slowed further.<\/p>\n
I kept looking at Maggie.<\/p>\n
"Maggie, sweetheart."<\/p>\n
Her eyelids moved.<\/p>\n
"We're at the hospital."<\/p>\n
She opened her eyes slightly.<\/p>\n
I leaned forward.<\/p>\n
"You're going to have more people helping you now."<\/p>\n
She looked toward my face.<\/p>\n
I tried to smile.<\/p>\n
"I'll stay as close as they'll let me."<\/p>\n
Her eyes closed again.<\/p>\n
I sat back.<\/p>\n
I wished I hadn't added those last words.<\/p>\n
As close as they'll let me.<\/p>\n
I didn't want her to think I might leave.<\/p>\n
But I knew hospitals had rules.<\/p>\n
I knew doctors sometimes needed room to work.<\/p>\n
I couldn't promise to remain beside her every second.<\/p>\n
I could only promise I wouldn't leave voluntarily.<\/p>\n
The ambulance came to a stop.<\/p>\n
The sudden stillness surprised me.<\/p>\n
I had become so accustomed to the road moving beneath us that sitting still felt strange.<\/p>\n
The paramedic checked Maggie again.<\/p>\n
I moved aside.<\/p>\n
He spoke to someone near the front.<\/p>\n
I couldn't make out every word.<\/p>\n
Then he turned toward me.<\/p>\n
"We're going to get her inside."<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
"All right."<\/p>\n
My voice sounded smaller than I expected.<\/p>\n
He looked at me.<\/p>\n
"Please give us room while we move the stretcher."<\/p>\n
"Of course."<\/p>\n
I gently released Maggie's hand.<\/p>\n
It was the first time in what felt like forever that I had let go completely.<\/p>\n
Her fingers rested against the blanket.<\/p>\n
I looked at them.<\/p>\n
I wanted to reach back immediately.<\/p>\n
Instead, I moved out of the way.<\/p>\n
The rear doors opened.<\/p>\n
A different kind of noise reached me.<\/p>\n
Voices.<\/p>\n
Footsteps.<\/p>\n
The sounds of people moving outside.<\/p>\n
The air felt cooler near the opening.<\/p>\n
I looked at Maggie.<\/p>\n
She was still lying beneath the blanket.<\/p>\n
The paramedic spoke calmly as he prepared the stretcher.<\/p>\n
I watched the wheels and the equipment.<\/p>\n
Every movement seemed important.<\/p>\n
I worried that something might shift.<\/p>\n
I worried that she might become uncomfortable.<\/p>\n
I worried about things I couldn't even name.<\/p>\n
The paramedic and the waiting medical staff moved the stretcher carefully.<\/p>\n
I stepped aside.<\/p>\n
For a moment, I felt useless again.<\/p>\n
My hands were empty.<\/p>\n
There was nothing familiar to hold.<\/p>\n
The wedding ring I had touched throughout the ride was moving away from me.<\/p>\n
I followed as closely as I could.<\/p>\n
"Maggie?"<\/p>\n
Her eyes didn't open.<\/p>\n
I didn't repeat her name.<\/p>\n
I knew she was exhausted.<\/p>\n
I had watched her struggle throughout the journey.<\/p>\n
I didn't want to make her work harder now.<\/p>\n
The stretcher moved toward the hospital entrance.<\/p>\n
I walked beside it where there was room.<\/p>\n
The wheels made a steady sound against the ground.<\/p>\n
I noticed that sound because it was different from the ambulance.<\/p>\n
For so long, the siren had filled everything.<\/p>\n
Now there were footsteps and voices.<\/p>\n
Doors opened ahead of us.<\/p>\n
The stretcher moved inside.<\/p>\n
Bright lights reflected from the floor.<\/p>\n
I looked at Maggie's face.<\/p>\n
She seemed even paler beneath the hospital lighting.<\/p>\n
I felt my stomach tighten.<\/p>\n
A medical worker approached the stretcher.<\/p>\n
The paramedic began explaining Maggie's condition.<\/p>\n
I heard him mention her weakness.<\/p>\n
I heard him describe how little she had been responding.<\/p>\n
Then I heard the words I had been carrying throughout the ride.<\/p>\n
"Several days."<\/p>\n
I looked down.<\/p>\n
The same uncertainty had followed us into the hospital.<\/p>\n
Someone asked a question about when her symptoms began.<\/p>\n
The paramedic turned slightly toward me.<\/p>\n
"Her husband says approximately three to four days."<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
"Yes."<\/p>\n
The medical worker looked toward me.<\/p>\n
"Three or four days?"<\/p>\n
"That's right."<\/p>\n
I swallowed.<\/p>\n
"I'm sorry. I can't be more exact."<\/p>\n
There was no criticism in the response.<\/p>\n
The person simply continued listening.<\/p>\n
That should have made me feel better.<\/p>\n
But the shame remained.<\/p>\n
I had been married to Maggie for years.<\/p>\n
I knew so many things about her.<\/p>\n
Yet when it mattered most, I could only give an estimate.<\/p>\n
The stretcher moved farther inside.<\/p>\n
I followed.<\/p>\n
A nurse asked for Maggie's name.<\/p>\n
I answered immediately.<\/p>\n
"Maggie."<\/p>\n
The nurse repeated it to confirm.<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
"Yes."<\/p>\n
Then came another question.<\/p>\n
I answered what I could.<\/p>\n
I noticed how different it felt to be useful.<\/p>\n
For a few moments, I wasn't simply sitting in fear.<\/p>\n
I could speak.<\/p>\n
I could give information.<\/p>\n
I could tell them who she was.<\/p>\n
But when they asked about her recent condition, the old uncertainty returned.<\/p>\n
I knew she had been very weak.<\/p>\n
I knew she had struggled to remain awake.<\/p>\n
I knew she had been unwell for days.<\/p>\n
That was what I told them.<\/p>\n
I didn't pretend to know more.<\/p>\n
The nurse listened.<\/p>\n
Then she turned her attention back to Maggie.<\/p>\n
I watched her check the oxygen mask.<\/p>\n
Another person looked at the information passed along by the paramedic.<\/p>\n
They moved with purpose.<\/p>\n
Nobody seemed to expect me to understand everything.<\/p>\n
That was a relief.<\/p>\n
I had spent the ambulance ride feeling responsible for answers I didn't possess.<\/p>\n
Now I could see that the medical staff were gathering information from several places.<\/p>\n
They weren't depending entirely on me.<\/p>\n
They were examining Maggie.<\/p>\n
They were checking her condition.<\/p>\n
They were listening to the paramedic.<\/p>\n
And they were asking me about the things only someone close to her might know.<\/p>\n
I looked at my wife.<\/p>\n
Her eyes opened briefly.<\/p>\n
I stepped closer.<\/p>\n
"Hello, sweetheart."<\/p>\n
She looked toward me.<\/p>\n
I smiled.<\/p>\n
"We made it."<\/p>\n
Her eyes remained on my face for a second.<\/p>\n
Then they closed.<\/p>\n
I wanted to touch her hand.<\/p>\n
A nurse was working beside the stretcher.<\/p>\n
I waited until there was room.<\/p>\n
Then I reached toward Maggie's fingers.<\/p>\n
I touched them gently.<\/p>\n
Her wedding ring was still there.<\/p>\n
Of course it was.<\/p>\n
I knew that.<\/p>\n
But seeing it comforted me.<\/p>\n
I had been frightened of every unfamiliar thing.<\/p>\n
That small piece of metal reminded me that Maggie was still the woman I knew.<\/p>\n
The nurse asked me to move back slightly.<\/p>\n
I did.<\/p>\n
"Sorry."<\/p>\n
"You're okay. We just need some space."<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
I was beginning to understand that being a husband in this situation sometimes meant stepping aside.<\/p>\n
That was difficult.<\/p>\n
Every instinct told me to get closer.<\/p>\n
But the people around Maggie needed room.<\/p>\n
And she needed their help more than she needed me standing in their way.<\/p>\n
I moved back.<\/p>\n
I watched.<\/p>\n
The medical staff continued working.<\/p>\n
I heard Maggie's name spoken again.<\/p>\n
I heard questions about her symptoms.<\/p>\n
I answered when someone looked toward me.<\/p>\n
Otherwise, I stayed quiet.<\/p>\n
The ambulance ride was over.<\/p>\n
But the fear hadn't disappeared.<\/p>\n
It had simply followed me through the hospital doors.<\/p>\n
I looked at Maggie.<\/p>\n
She was surrounded by people who were trying to help her.<\/p>\n
That was what I had wanted.<\/p>\n
I should have felt relieved.<\/p>\n
Part of me did.<\/p>\n
Another part of me was frightened by how seriously everyone was taking her condition.<\/p>\n
I stood near the stretcher and waited for the next question.<\/p>\n
When someone asked what I knew about the previous days, I told them the truth again.<\/p>\n
"She's been unwell for three or four days."<\/p>\n
I looked at my wife.<\/p>\n
"I don't know exactly why she's gotten this weak."<\/p>\n
The words were painful.<\/p>\n
But they were honest.<\/p>\n
And honesty was the only useful thing I could offer.<\/p>\n
The sound of the ambulance began to change. I noticed it before I understood why. The engine didn't seem to be working as hard. The movement beneath my feet became … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":37520,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-37533","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-insightdrama"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37533","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=37533"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37533\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":37553,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37533\/revisions\/37553"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/37520"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=37533"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=37533"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=37533"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}