By then, I had run out of things to say.<\/p>\n
Not because I had stopped worrying.<\/p>\n
I was more frightened than I wanted to admit.<\/p>\n
But every reassuring sentence had begun to sound the same.<\/p>\n
"I'm here."<\/p>\n
"You're not alone."<\/p>\n
"Just rest."<\/p>\n
I had said them so often that I wondered whether Maggie was tired of hearing my voice.<\/p>\n
I knew she wasn't able to answer.<\/p>\n
I knew that didn't mean she wasn't listening.<\/p>\n
But I was afraid of asking too much from her.<\/p>\n
So I stayed quiet.<\/p>\n
Her hand rested inside mine.<\/p>\n
The paramedic continued watching her.<\/p>\n
I could hear the movement of the ambulance.<\/p>\n
I could hear the siren outside.<\/p>\n
Those sounds had been with us throughout the ride.<\/p>\n
At first, they had made everything feel urgent and frightening.<\/p>\n
Now they had become part of the place where I sat waiting.<\/p>\n
I didn't like that.<\/p>\n
I didn't want to become accustomed to seeing my wife on a stretcher.<\/p>\n
I didn't want the oxygen mask to look normal.<\/p>\n
I didn't want to stop noticing how weak she was.<\/p>\n
So I kept looking at her.<\/p>\n
I watched the way her eyelids rested.<\/p>\n
I watched the faint movement of her fingers.<\/p>\n
I watched the mask as she breathed.<\/p>\n
There wasn't much else I could do.<\/p>\n
The paramedic glanced toward me.<\/p>\n
"How are you holding up?"<\/p>\n
I almost laughed.<\/p>\n
Not because anything was funny.<\/p>\n
Because I hadn't expected him to ask.<\/p>\n
I looked down at my hands.<\/p>\n
"I'm all right."<\/p>\n
The lie came out automatically.<\/p>\n
He didn't challenge it.<\/p>\n
I looked at Maggie.<\/p>\n
"No, I'm not."<\/p>\n
My voice was quiet.<\/p>\n
"I'm worried about her."<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
"That's understandable."<\/p>\n
I swallowed.<\/p>\n
"She's never looked this weak to me."<\/p>\n
He continued listening.<\/p>\n
"I keep thinking about how long she's been sick."<\/p>\n
I looked toward the floor.<\/p>\n
"Three days. Maybe four."<\/p>\n
I shook my head.<\/p>\n
"I should be able to tell you more."<\/p>\n
The paramedic spoke calmly.<\/p>\n
"Tell the hospital team what you know. That's helpful."<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
I appreciated that he didn't promise everything would be fine.<\/p>\n
I didn't think I could have believed him if he had.<\/p>\n
I wanted comfort.<\/p>\n
But I also wanted the truth.<\/p>\n
And the truth was that Maggie needed medical care.<\/p>\n
That was why we were in the ambulance.<\/p>\n
That was why the paramedic kept checking her.<\/p>\n
That was why I was holding her hand while someone else watched the equipment.<\/p>\n
I looked at her again.<\/p>\n
She was still my wife.<\/p>\n
That thought kept returning.<\/p>\n
It may sound strange, but seeing her so helpless made me cling to ordinary details.<\/p>\n
The shape of her fingers.<\/p>\n
The ring on her hand.<\/p>\n
The way her hair rested beside her face.<\/p>\n
These were things I recognized.<\/p>\n
They helped me remember that the woman on the stretcher was the same person who had shared my life.<\/p>\n
I wasn't looking at a stranger.<\/p>\n
I was looking at Maggie.<\/p>\n
And I loved her.<\/p>\n
There was nothing complicated about that.<\/p>\n
The complications were everywhere else.<\/p>\n
What had made her sick?<\/p>\n
How serious was it?<\/p>\n
How much did the passing time matter?<\/p>\n
Would the doctors be able to help her?<\/p>\n
I couldn't answer those questions.<\/p>\n
I couldn't even ask Maggie without exhausting her.<\/p>\n
So I kept holding her hand.<\/p>\n
The paramedic leaned toward her again.<\/p>\n
"Maggie, can you open your eyes for me?"<\/p>\n
Her eyelids lifted.<\/p>\n
He spoke to her gently.<\/p>\n
"Thank you."<\/p>\n
She looked in his direction.<\/p>\n
Then her eyes moved toward me.<\/p>\n
I leaned forward.<\/p>\n
"Hello."<\/p>\n
I smiled a little.<\/p>\n
She held my gaze.<\/p>\n
I didn't ask anything.<\/p>\n
I didn't tell her to be strong.<\/p>\n
I didn't tell her she was doing fine.<\/p>\n
I just stayed close.<\/p>\n
Her eyes closed after a few seconds.<\/p>\n
I remained beside her.<\/p>\n
There was something peaceful about that moment, even with everything happening around us.<\/p>\n
Not peaceful because I believed the danger had passed.<\/p>\n
I didn't.<\/p>\n
It was peaceful because I had finally stopped demanding an answer from every small movement.<\/p>\n
Maggie didn't need to reassure me.<\/p>\n
She didn't need to explain herself.<\/p>\n
She didn't need to tell me that everything would be all right.<\/p>\n
She needed to be cared for.<\/p>\n
And she needed to rest.<\/p>\n
I could give her room to do that.<\/p>\n
The paramedic continued working.<\/p>\n
I watched him check her condition again.<\/p>\n
This time, I didn't lean over his shoulder.<\/p>\n
I moved aside and let him work.<\/p>\n
When he finished, I asked one question.<\/p>\n
"Is there anything you need from me?"<\/p>\n
"Just stay seated and let us know if you notice any change."<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
"All right."<\/p>\n
I could do that.<\/p>\n
I looked at Maggie.<\/p>\n
I knew what she normally looked like when she was resting.<\/p>\n
I knew the familiar shape of her face.<\/p>\n
I knew how her fingers usually moved against mine.<\/p>\n
I wasn't a medical professional.<\/p>\n
But I knew my wife.<\/p>\n
And I could pay attention.<\/p>\n
I settled into the seat.<\/p>\n
The ambulance continued toward the hospital.<\/p>\n
I wondered what would happen when we arrived.<\/p>\n
There would be more people.<\/p>\n
More questions.<\/p>\n
More equipment.<\/p>\n
Perhaps someone would finally tell me what was happening.<\/p>\n
I wanted that badly.<\/p>\n
But I reminded myself that answers might not come immediately.<\/p>\n
The important thing was that Maggie would receive the care she needed.<\/p>\n
I looked at her wedding ring again.<\/p>\n
I remembered how naturally our hands had found each other over the years.<\/p>\n
I had never needed to think about the movement.<\/p>\n
I would reach.<\/p>\n
She would reach back.<\/p>\n
Sometimes one of us was distracted.<\/p>\n
Sometimes one of us was talking.<\/p>\n
It didn't matter.<\/p>\n
Our hands found each other anyway.<\/p>\n
Now I was the one doing most of the holding.<\/p>\n
Her fingers rested quietly in mine.<\/p>\n
I didn't know whether she had the strength to squeeze them.<\/p>\n
I wasn't going to ask her to try.<\/p>\n
I rubbed my thumb across her knuckles.<\/p>\n
The same small circle I had been making since the ride began.<\/p>\n
It was a habit older than this frightening day.<\/p>\n
I hoped she recognized it.<\/p>\n
I hoped it told her something my words no longer seemed able to say.<\/p>\n
Maggie's eyes opened once more.<\/p>\n
I moved closer.<\/p>\n
She looked at me.<\/p>\n
I could see how difficult it was for her to remain awake.<\/p>\n
So I didn't try to keep her looking at me.<\/p>\n
I smiled.<\/p>\n
Then I whispered, "I love you."<\/p>\n
Her eyes stayed on mine for another moment.<\/p>\n
I didn't expect her to speak.<\/p>\n
I didn't ask for a squeeze of her hand.<\/p>\n
I didn't need her to prove she had heard me.<\/p>\n
I simply wanted those words to reach her.<\/p>\n
Then her eyes closed.<\/p>\n
I sat back and continued holding her hand.<\/p>\n
The paramedic checked her again.<\/p>\n
The siren sounded beyond the ambulance walls.<\/p>\n
The vehicle carried us closer to the people who might be able to tell us what was wrong.<\/p>\n
I still didn't know what had happened during those missing days.<\/p>\n
I still couldn't explain why Maggie had become so weak.<\/p>\n
I still had no idea what the doctors would find.<\/p>\n
Those questions remained exactly where they had been.<\/p>\n
But I had stopped trying to solve them while she struggled to stay awake.<\/p>\n
There would be time for questions when someone could answer them.<\/p>\n
For now, I had one responsibility I understood.<\/p>\n
Stay beside her.<\/p>\n
Let the paramedic work.<\/p>\n
Tell the medical team what I knew.<\/p>\n
And make sure that whenever Maggie opened her eyes, she saw a familiar face.<\/p>\n
I looked down at our hands.<\/p>\n
Her ring rested against my finger.<\/p>\n
I traced the small circle over her knuckles again.<\/p>\n
Then I watched her breathe as the ambulance continued toward the hospital.<\/p>\n
By then, I had run out of things to say. Not because I had stopped worrying. I was more frightened than I wanted to admit. But every reassuring sentence had … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":37520,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-37528","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-insightdrama"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37528","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=37528"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37528\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":37548,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37528\/revisions\/37548"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/37520"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=37528"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=37528"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=37528"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}