Maggie opened her eyes again.<\/p>\n
I was still holding her hand when she looked toward me.<\/p>\n
For a moment, I forgot about the siren and the equipment around us.<\/p>\n
All I saw was my wife looking at my face.<\/p>\n
"Hello, sweetheart."<\/p>\n
Her eyes stayed on me.<\/p>\n
I moved closer, careful not to disturb the oxygen mask.<\/p>\n
"I'm right here."<\/p>\n
She didn't speak.<\/p>\n
I had stopped expecting her to.<\/p>\n
But there was still a part of me waiting to hear her voice.<\/p>\n
I knew how she sounded when she was sleepy.<\/p>\n
I knew how she sounded when she was annoyed with me.<\/p>\n
I even knew the little pause she made before telling me something she thought I wouldn't like.<\/p>\n
Now I would have given anything to hear her complain.<\/p>\n
Even one small complaint.<\/p>\n
The ambulance rocked slightly as it continued down the road.<\/p>\n
I tightened my fingers around hers.<\/p>\n
The paramedic glanced at us.<\/p>\n
"Try not to make her work too hard."<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
"Of course."<\/p>\n
He wasn't being unkind.<\/p>\n
I understood that.<\/p>\n
He was trying to help Maggie conserve what little strength she had.<\/p>\n
Still, hearing those words made something settle heavily inside me.<\/p>\n
Talking to her might be asking too much.<\/p>\n
I had never imagined such a thing.<\/p>\n
Maggie and I had spent years speaking to each other about ordinary matters.<\/p>\n
Whether we needed milk.<\/p>\n
What time we wanted dinner.<\/p>\n
Where someone had left the car keys.<\/p>\n
Sometimes we talked about things that mattered.<\/p>\n
Sometimes we talked about nothing at all.<\/p>\n
I hadn't known how precious those conversations were.<\/p>\n
I looked down at her hand.<\/p>\n
Her wedding ring rested against my finger.<\/p>\n
I knew the shape of that ring without needing to see it.<\/p>\n
I had touched it countless times.<\/p>\n
Now I found myself looking at it as though it might reassure me.<\/p>\n
She was still Maggie.<\/p>\n
She was still my wife.<\/p>\n
The person beneath the oxygen mask hadn't changed.<\/p>\n
But something had happened to her body that neither of us could ignore.<\/p>\n
The paramedic leaned over the stretcher.<\/p>\n
"Maggie, I'm going to check you again."<\/p>\n
Her eyelids moved.<\/p>\n
He continued calmly, explaining what he was doing.<\/p>\n
I watched her face while he worked.<\/p>\n
There was something reassuring about the way he spoke.<\/p>\n
He didn't hurry his words.<\/p>\n
He didn't sound frightened.<\/p>\n
His hands moved with the confidence of someone who understood the equipment in front of him.<\/p>\n
I envied him for that.<\/p>\n
I wanted to know something useful.<\/p>\n
I wanted to look at Maggie and understand what she needed.<\/p>\n
Instead, I could only ask questions.<\/p>\n
"Is she getting worse?"<\/p>\n
The paramedic checked his readings.<\/p>\n
"We're keeping a close watch on her."<\/p>\n
I waited for more.<\/p>\n
He didn't give me more.<\/p>\n
I understood why.<\/p>\n
He couldn't promise me something he didn't know.<\/p>\n
That didn't make the waiting easier.<\/p>\n
I looked toward Maggie.<\/p>\n
Her eyes were closed again.<\/p>\n
The oxygen mask moved slightly with her breathing.<\/p>\n
I concentrated on that movement.<\/p>\n
In.<\/p>\n
Out.<\/p>\n
Again.<\/p>\n
I knew watching wouldn't change anything.<\/p>\n
But whenever I looked away, I felt as though I might miss something important.<\/p>\n
The paramedic adjusted the blanket covering her.<\/p>\n
I reached toward the edge and straightened a fold near her hand.<\/p>\n
It was such a small thing.<\/p>\n
Hardly worth doing.<\/p>\n
But I needed to do something for her.<\/p>\n
Something a husband could do.<\/p>\n
When she was well, Maggie rarely needed help with anything.<\/p>\n
She had always been capable of taking care of herself.<\/p>\n
She didn't like unnecessary fuss.<\/p>\n
If I hovered around her too much, she would usually give me a look.<\/p>\n
I could almost hear her telling me to sit down and stop worrying.<\/p>\n
That memory hurt.<\/p>\n
Because I wanted her to give me that look now.<\/p>\n
I wanted her to roll her eyes at my concern.<\/p>\n
I wanted to know she had enough strength to be irritated.<\/p>\n
Instead, she lay still.<\/p>\n
The paramedic checked another reading.<\/p>\n
I watched his face.<\/p>\n
"Can you tell whether she knows I'm here?"<\/p>\n
He looked toward Maggie.<\/p>\n
"She has been responding when you speak."<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
That was something.<\/p>\n
It wasn't everything I wanted.<\/p>\n
But it mattered.<\/p>\n
I leaned close enough for her to hear me without raising my voice.<\/p>\n
"You hear that, sweetheart?"<\/p>\n
Her eyes remained closed.<\/p>\n
"You're doing your best."<\/p>\n
The words sounded strange once I had said them.<\/p>\n
Of course she was doing her best.<\/p>\n
She was lying on a stretcher, struggling to remain awake.<\/p>\n
She didn't need me to explain that.<\/p>\n
But I wanted to encourage her.<\/p>\n
I wanted to tell her that I saw how hard she was trying.<\/p>\n
The ambulance moved over another uneven stretch of road.<\/p>\n
The seat shifted beneath me.<\/p>\n
I planted my feet more firmly.<\/p>\n
My back was aching.<\/p>\n
I hadn't noticed when it started.<\/p>\n
I had been sitting awkwardly, leaning toward her for most of the ride.<\/p>\n
I straightened for a few seconds.<\/p>\n
Then Maggie moved her fingers.<\/p>\n
I bent forward again.<\/p>\n
"Maggie?"<\/p>\n
Her eyes opened.<\/p>\n
She looked toward my voice.<\/p>\n
"There you are."<\/p>\n
I smiled.<\/p>\n
It felt natural this time.<\/p>\n
Not because I was less afraid.<\/p>\n
I wasn't.<\/p>\n
But because she was looking at me.<\/p>\n
For that brief moment, I had something familiar.<\/p>\n
I could see the woman who knew me better than anyone.<\/p>\n
She couldn't tell me what was wrong.<\/p>\n
She couldn't tell me whether she was frightened.<\/p>\n
But she could find my face.<\/p>\n
And I could make sure it was there.<\/p>\n
The paramedic continued checking her.<\/p>\n
I moved back enough to give him room.<\/p>\n
He adjusted something beside her head.<\/p>\n
The small movement made me tense.<\/p>\n
I tried not to show it.<\/p>\n
I didn't want Maggie to see panic on my face if she opened her eyes.<\/p>\n
I wanted her to see someone steady.<\/p>\n
Someone she could trust.<\/p>\n
That was harder than I had expected.<\/p>\n
My mouth was dry.<\/p>\n
My hands were trembling.<\/p>\n
Every unanswered question seemed to grow larger.<\/p>\n
Why had she become so weak?<\/p>\n
Why was she struggling just to stay awake?<\/p>\n
What had happened over those three or four days?<\/p>\n
I couldn't answer any of them.<\/p>\n
I had already told the paramedic everything I understood.<\/p>\n
It wasn't enough.<\/p>\n
I stared at the floor for a moment.<\/p>\n
I felt ashamed of how little I knew.<\/p>\n
Then I looked back at Maggie.<\/p>\n
Shame wasn't helping her.<\/p>\n
Neither was sitting there judging myself.<\/p>\n
I couldn't recover the days that had already passed.<\/p>\n
I couldn't change what I had failed to understand.<\/p>\n
But I could remain with her now.<\/p>\n
I could answer when someone asked me a question.<\/p>\n
I could move aside when the paramedic needed room.<\/p>\n
I could hold her hand when there was nothing else to do.<\/p>\n
The thought was simple.<\/p>\n
Perhaps too simple.<\/p>\n
But I needed something I could manage.<\/p>\n
I brought her hand slightly closer.<\/p>\n
"I'm staying with you."<\/p>\n
The paramedic glanced toward me, then returned to his work.<\/p>\n
Maggie didn't open her eyes.<\/p>\n
I continued rubbing my thumb across her knuckles.<\/p>\n
I had been doing that almost without stopping.<\/p>\n
The movement felt familiar.<\/p>\n
So I kept doing it.<\/p>\n
I didn't know whether she could feel every small motion.<\/p>\n
I hoped she could.<\/p>\n
I hoped the touch reminded her of home.<\/p>\n
Of sitting beside each other.<\/p>\n
Of ordinary days when holding hands required no special reason.<\/p>\n
The ambulance continued toward the hospital.<\/p>\n
I could hear the siren beyond the walls.<\/p>\n
I could feel the movement beneath my feet.<\/p>\n
I could see the paramedic watching my wife carefully.<\/p>\n
For the first time during that ride, I stopped wishing he would explain everything immediately.<\/p>\n
I still wanted answers.<\/p>\n
Desperately.<\/p>\n
But Maggie needed care more than I needed explanations.<\/p>\n
So I stayed quiet while he worked.<\/p>\n
And when her eyes opened again, I leaned forward and let her see me.<\/p>\n
Maggie opened her eyes again. I was still holding her hand when she looked toward me. For a moment, I forgot about the siren and the equipment around us. All … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":37520,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-37525","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-insightdrama"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37525","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=37525"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37525\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":37545,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37525\/revisions\/37545"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/37520"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=37525"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=37525"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=37525"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}