I kept waiting for Maggie to say my name.<\/p>\n
That was what I wanted most.<\/p>\n
Not an explanation.<\/p>\n
Not an answer to every question.<\/p>\n
Just one familiar word.<\/p>\n
I sat with my hand wrapped around hers.<\/p>\n
The paramedic continued checking her condition.<\/p>\n
He spoke to her now and then.<\/p>\n
Maggie didn't say much.<\/p>\n
Her eyes opened when she heard his voice.<\/p>\n
Sometimes she looked toward him.<\/p>\n
Sometimes she looked for me.<\/p>\n
Each time, I moved closer.<\/p>\n
"I'm right here."<\/p>\n
I said it so often that I began to hear how frightened I sounded.<\/p>\n
The first time she opened her eyes, I felt relieved.<\/p>\n
The second time, I watched how quickly she closed them again.<\/p>\n
By the third, I understood that even that small effort was difficult.<\/p>\n
She wasn't simply tired.<\/p>\n
Something was very wrong.<\/p>\n
I looked at her forehead.<\/p>\n
Then at her cheeks.<\/p>\n
Then down at the oxygen mask.<\/p>\n
I wanted to remove every uncomfortable thing from her face.<\/p>\n
Of course I didn't.<\/p>\n
I knew she needed it.<\/p>\n
Still, seeing her with that mask hurt me.<\/p>\n
It made everything feel serious in a way words had not.<\/p>\n
The paramedic leaned closer to the stretcher.<\/p>\n
"Maggie, can you open your eyes?"<\/p>\n
She did.<\/p>\n
Only slightly.<\/p>\n
"Good. Thank you."<\/p>\n
Then her eyelids lowered.<\/p>\n
I looked at him.<\/p>\n
"She's trying."<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
"Yes."<\/p>\n
I didn't know why those two words mattered so much.<\/p>\n
Maybe because someone else had seen it.<\/p>\n
Someone else knew she was trying.<\/p>\n
I squeezed her fingers gently.<\/p>\n
"You heard him."<\/p>\n
She made no reply.<\/p>\n
I didn't expect one.<\/p>\n
Not anymore.<\/p>\n
A few minutes earlier, I had still hoped she would suddenly sit up and ask why I looked so worried.<\/p>\n
I knew better now.<\/p>\n
I could see it in the way her eyes struggled to stay open.<\/p>\n
I could hear it in the careful way the paramedic spoke.<\/p>\n
There was no ordinary conversation coming.<\/p>\n
Not during that ride.<\/p>\n
I shifted in my seat.<\/p>\n
My legs had begun to ache.<\/p>\n
I barely noticed.<\/p>\n
The ambulance continued moving.<\/p>\n
The siren sounded outside.<\/p>\n
I had never understood how lonely an ambulance could feel with other people sitting inches away.<\/p>\n
The paramedic was there.<\/p>\n
Maggie was there.<\/p>\n
But I couldn't reach the part of her that usually answered me.<\/p>\n
That was what frightened me.<\/p>\n
I spoke.<\/p>\n
She heard me, perhaps.<\/p>\n
She looked.<\/p>\n
Then she slipped back into silence.<\/p>\n
I had spent our marriage taking conversation for granted.<\/p>\n
A question across a room.<\/p>\n
A few words before bed.<\/p>\n
Her voice calling from somewhere nearby.<\/p>\n
I had never imagined how much I would miss those things while she was still beside me.<\/p>\n
The paramedic asked me to repeat how long she'd been unwell.<\/p>\n
"Three days," I said.<\/p>\n
Then I corrected myself.<\/p>\n
"Maybe four."<\/p>\n
He wrote it down.<\/p>\n
I swallowed.<\/p>\n
I was beginning to hate that answer.<\/p>\n
Not because it was false.<\/p>\n
Because it was the closest I could come to the truth.<\/p>\n
I could not give him an exact number.<\/p>\n
I could not make those days less serious.<\/p>\n
And I could not explain why she was lying there now.<\/p>\n
Maggie's hand moved slightly.<\/p>\n
I looked up.<\/p>\n
Her eyes were open.<\/p>\n
I leaned in so she wouldn't have to turn her head.<\/p>\n
"Hey."<\/p>\n
She watched me.<\/p>\n
For a second, I thought she might speak.<\/p>\n
I waited.<\/p>\n
Her lips were hidden behind the mask.<\/p>\n
Her eyes began to close again.<\/p>\n
"That's okay."<\/p>\n
I kept my voice low.<\/p>\n
"You don't have to say anything."<\/p>\n
She rested.<\/p>\n
I stayed close.<\/p>\n
The paramedic checked her breathing.<\/p>\n
I watched the movement of his hands, then looked back at her.<\/p>\n
There was something unbearable about seeing a person make such a small effort and knowing it cost them so much.<\/p>\n
A glance.<\/p>\n
An open eye.<\/p>\n
A hand resting in mine.<\/p>\n
Things I had never counted before.<\/p>\n
Now I counted all of them.<\/p>\n
The road carried us forward.<\/p>\n
I tried to think about anything other than how weak she looked.<\/p>\n
I couldn't.<\/p>\n
My attention returned to Maggie every few seconds.<\/p>\n
I watched her breathing.<\/p>\n
I watched her eyes.<\/p>\n
I watched her hand.<\/p>\n
And when she looked at me again, I was there to meet her.<\/p>\n
I kept waiting for Maggie to say my name. That was what I wanted most. Not an explanation. Not an answer to every question. Just one familiar word. I sat … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":37520,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-37523","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-insightdrama"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37523","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=37523"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37523\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":37543,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37523\/revisions\/37543"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/37520"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=37523"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=37523"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=37523"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}