By the time the room grew quiet again, I had almost convinced myself that I was being foolish.<\/p>\n
Clara needed rest.<\/p>\n
The doctors needed time to watch her condition.<\/p>\n
The baby had arrived under frightening circumstances, and we were both trying to understand what came next.<\/p>\n
There were enough reasons for worry without inventing more.<\/p>\n
I repeated those thoughts until they began to sound like facts.<\/p>\n
Then the phone lit up again.<\/p>\n
I was looking toward the table when it happened.<\/p>\n
The screen brightened beside the plastic cup.<\/p>\n
A notification appeared.<\/p>\n
I didn't move.<\/p>\n
Clara was awake, but her eyes were closed.<\/p>\n
I couldn't tell whether she had heard the small sound.<\/p>\n
For a second, I thought about reaching over and placing the phone closer to her.<\/p>\n
Then I stopped myself.<\/p>\n
It wasn't my phone.<\/p>\n
It wasn't my message.<\/p>\n
I had no reason to read it.<\/p>\n
I turned back toward Clara.<\/p>\n
She opened her eyes.<\/p>\n
Her gaze moved to the table.<\/p>\n
Then it moved to me.<\/p>\n
I recognized the expression on her face, although I couldn't have explained it at the time.<\/p>\n
She looked caught between wanting to say something and hoping she wouldn't have to.<\/p>\n
I felt a familiar tightness in my stomach.<\/p>\n
"Do you need your phone?"<\/p>\n
"No."<\/p>\n
Again, the answer came quickly.<\/p>\n
She swallowed and looked toward the window.<\/p>\n
"I can get it for you."<\/p>\n
"Please don't."<\/p>\n
The words were quiet.<\/p>\n
They were also clear.<\/p>\n
I pulled my hand back, although I hadn't actually reached for anything.<\/p>\n
"Okay."<\/p>\n
I sat still.<\/p>\n
Clara turned her face toward the pillow.<\/p>\n
I looked at the door.<\/p>\n
I looked at the monitor.<\/p>\n
I looked at anything except the phone.<\/p>\n
I wanted to respect her wishes.<\/p>\n
I also wanted to understand why such a small offer had frightened her.<\/p>\n
Those two feelings sat beside each other, neither one strong enough to silence the other.<\/p>\n
A nurse entered to check Clara's condition.<\/p>\n
I moved my chair back.<\/p>\n
The nurse spoke to Clara, checked the equipment, and made a few notes.<\/p>\n
Clara answered her questions in a low voice.<\/p>\n
Everything appeared ordinary.<\/p>\n
When the nurse finished, she reminded Clara to call if she needed help.<\/p>\n
Then she left.<\/p>\n
The door closed softly.<\/p>\n
I returned to my chair.<\/p>\n
Clara had turned her head toward the table again.<\/p>\n
Her phone was still there.<\/p>\n
I could see the edge of the screen from where I sat, but not the details of the notification.<\/p>\n
I made no effort to read them.<\/p>\n
I want to be clear about that.<\/p>\n
I wasn't searching her belongings.<\/p>\n
I wasn't trying to catch her in a lie.<\/p>\n
At least, that wasn't what I thought I was doing.<\/p>\n
I was sitting beside someone I loved, trying to understand why we seemed unable to speak honestly to each other.<\/p>\n
I wanted her to tell me what was wrong.<\/p>\n
I wanted her to trust me enough to say it without being asked.<\/p>\n
And I was frightened that asking the question myself would change the answer.<\/p>\n
Clara shifted beneath the blanket.<\/p>\n
"Are you going to stay?"<\/p>\n
The question startled me.<\/p>\n
"Yes."<\/p>\n
"For a while?"<\/p>\n
"As long as you need."<\/p>\n
She watched me for a moment.<\/p>\n
Then she nodded and closed her eyes.<\/p>\n
I felt ashamed of how much that brief exchange affected me.<\/p>\n
She had asked me to stay.<\/p>\n
I had promised that I would.<\/p>\n
That should have been enough.<\/p>\n
I moved my chair closer to the bed and took her hand again.<\/p>\n
Her fingers rested loosely against mine.<\/p>\n
I could feel her pulse when she shifted her wrist.<\/p>\n
I concentrated on that small, real thing.<\/p>\n
She was here.<\/p>\n
I was here.<\/p>\n
The doctors were watching her.<\/p>\n
For now, I tried to let those facts be enough.<\/p>\n
A little later, Clara fell asleep.<\/p>\n
I remained beside her.<\/p>\n
The room dimmed as the light outside changed.<\/p>\n
I didn't know how much time passed.<\/p>\n
I only knew that I had become tired enough to stop checking the clock.<\/p>\n
Then I heard the phone vibrate against the table.<\/p>\n
It was a small sound.<\/p>\n
Nothing more than a brief buzz.<\/p>\n
But Clara moved in her sleep.<\/p>\n
Her hand tightened around mine.<\/p>\n
I looked at her.<\/p>\n
She didn't wake.<\/p>\n
The phone's screen remained illuminated for a few seconds before fading.<\/p>\n
I could have ignored it.<\/p>\n
I should have ignored it.<\/p>\n
Instead, I glanced toward the table.<\/p>\n
I still couldn't make out the message.<\/p>\n
I wasn't close enough to read it, and I didn't lean forward.<\/p>\n
I turned away.<\/p>\n
The decision should have settled the matter.<\/p>\n
But the thought stayed with me.<\/p>\n
Why had Clara reacted so strongly when I offered to hand her the phone?<\/p>\n
Why had she asked whether Dr. Bennett had said anything about her?<\/p>\n
Why did she keep watching the door as if she were waiting for someone to enter?<\/p>\n
I had no answers.<\/p>\n
I also had no proof that those moments meant anything beyond fear and exhaustion.<\/p>\n
I knew that.<\/p>\n
I reminded myself of it.<\/p>\n
Then Clara stirred and opened her eyes.<\/p>\n
She looked at me, then at the table.<\/p>\n
This time, she reached for the phone herself.<\/p>\n
Her movements were slow.<\/p>\n
She picked it up and held it close to her chest.<\/p>\n
The screen cast a faint light across her face.<\/p>\n
I looked away to give her privacy.<\/p>\n
I heard no sound from her.<\/p>\n
No message being played.<\/p>\n
No call being answered.<\/p>\n
Only the soft movement of the blanket as she adjusted her position.<\/p>\n
When I looked back, she had placed the phone face down beside the cup.<\/p>\n
Her expression had changed.<\/p>\n
Not dramatically.<\/p>\n
She didn't cry or raise her voice.<\/p>\n
She simply looked more awake than she had a moment earlier.<\/p>\n
I wanted to ask what she had seen.<\/p>\n
I didn't.<\/p>\n
Clara looked at me.<\/p>\n
For a second, I thought she was going to speak.<\/p>\n
Her lips parted slightly.<\/p>\n
Then she closed them again.<\/p>\n
I waited.<\/p>\n
She looked down at our hands.<\/p>\n
"I'm tired."<\/p>\n
"I know."<\/p>\n
"Can we talk later?"<\/p>\n
I felt something sink inside me.<\/p>\n
Not anger.<\/p>\n
Not yet.<\/p>\n
Just the realization that I had been waiting for a conversation she wasn't ready to have.<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
"Of course."<\/p>\n
She closed her eyes again.<\/p>\n
I remained beside her, but I no longer felt as though I understood what was happening in the room.<\/p>\n
The monitor continued its steady rhythm.<\/p>\n
The phone lay face down on the table.<\/p>\n
The plastic cup stood beside it.<\/p>\n
Nothing had changed in any way another person could have noticed.<\/p>\n
But I could no longer make myself believe that the silence between us was only about the difficult delivery.<\/p>\n
I had no idea what the message said.<\/p>\n
I had no idea who had sent it.<\/p>\n
I didn't know whether it was important or whether I had allowed fear to turn an ordinary notification into something suspicious.<\/p>\n
All I knew was that Clara had asked me not to touch her phone, and I had respected that request.<\/p>\n
I also knew that she had looked at me as though she were afraid of what I might discover.<\/p>\n
Those were two different things.<\/p>\n
I tried to hold on to the first.<\/p>\n
I couldn't forget the second.<\/p>\n
For the rest of that visit, I stayed close to her and kept my questions to myself.<\/p>\n
I told myself that she would speak when she was ready.<\/p>\n
I told myself that I could wait until she felt stronger.<\/p>\n
I told myself that love required patience, especially after a night like this one.<\/p>\n
Perhaps it did.<\/p>\n
But as I watched Clara sleep, I understood something I had been avoiding since Dr. Bennett first stopped me outside the room.<\/p>\n
The delivery had brought us into the hospital.<\/p>\n
It had not necessarily brought us to the truth.<\/p>\n
And the message on that phone had become a question I could no longer pretend I hadn't seen.<\/p>\n
By the time the room grew quiet again, I had almost convinced myself that I was being foolish. Clara needed rest. The doctors needed time to watch her condition. The … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":37479,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-37483","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-insightdrama"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37483","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=37483"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37483\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":37503,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37483\/revisions\/37503"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/37479"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=37483"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=37483"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=37483"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}