Later, Detective Alvarez returned to speak with me.<\/p>\n
Ethan was quiet beside me, his eyes half closed.<\/p>\n
She asked whether he was ready to rest.<\/p>\n
I told her he was tired.<\/p>\n
She acknowledged that and explained the next steps as clearly as she could.<\/p>\n
I listened without interrupting.<\/p>\n
I asked about the practical arrangements, then repeated the important details to make sure I had understood them.<\/p>\n
She confirmed what she could.<\/p>\n
There were still questions that had not been answered.<\/p>\n
I was disappointed, but I didn't ask her to pretend otherwise.<\/p>\n
When she finished, I thanked her.<\/p>\n
She moved away, leaving us with the same uncertainty we had been living with all evening.<\/p>\n
Ethan looked up.<\/p>\n
"Did she tell you what it was?"<\/p>\n
"No," I said gently. "We still don't have that answer."<\/p>\n
He looked worried.<\/p>\n
I reached for his hand.<\/p>\n
"I know it's hard to wait."<\/p>\n
"Do you think you'll find out?"<\/p>\n
"I hope so. And when we have information, we'll listen carefully."<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
I could see that he wanted more than that.<\/p>\n
So did I.<\/p>\n
But I couldn't give him a certainty I didn't possess.<\/p>\n
I had spent much of the day believing that a good mother should be able to make the fear disappear.<\/p>\n
I had thought that if I asked the right question or remembered the right detail, I might be able to move us past the uncertainty.<\/p>\n
Now I understood that I couldn't control the pace at which the truth became clear.<\/p>\n
I could control whether I added guesses to the facts.<\/p>\n
I could control whether I listened when someone gave us reliable information.<\/p>\n
And I could control whether Ethan felt he had to keep talking simply because I was anxious.<\/p>\n
I wanted to do those things well.<\/p>\n
"Can we just sit here?" Ethan asked.<\/p>\n
"Yes."<\/p>\n
He leaned against me.<\/p>\n
I let the silence remain.<\/p>\n
The clock continued its steady movement above the television.<\/p>\n
The hallway was quieter now, though I could still hear occasional footsteps.<\/p>\n
I no longer tried to identify every sound.<\/p>\n
I stayed aware of what was happening without treating every noise as a message.<\/p>\n
After a while, Ethan asked for the blanket to be pulled higher.<\/p>\n
I adjusted it.<\/p>\n
He thanked me and closed his eyes again.<\/p>\n
I watched him for a moment, then looked toward the table where I had placed my notes.<\/p>\n
The paper contained only the details I had been able to record accurately and the practical information I needed to remember.<\/p>\n
It did not contain an explanation.<\/p>\n
It did not prove that I had missed something.<\/p>\n
It was simply a record of what I knew.<\/p>\n
I left it where it was.<\/p>\n
I didn't pick it up to read it again.<\/p>\n
Instead, I sat beside Ethan and allowed myself to be tired.<\/p>\n
I was still frightened.<\/p>\n
I was still waiting.<\/p>\n
But I no longer believed I had to fill every minute with another attempt to solve the problem.<\/p>\n
The officers had work to do.<\/p>\n
I had a child who needed rest.<\/p>\n
Both things could be true at once.<\/p>\n
I stayed until Ethan's breathing became slower and his body relaxed against the cushion.<\/p>\n
Then I adjusted the blanket one last time.<\/p>\n
I didn't know what the next conversation would bring.<\/p>\n
I only knew that when it came, I wanted to meet it with a clear mind and an honest answer.<\/p>\n
Later, Detective Alvarez returned to speak with me. Ethan was quiet beside me, his eyes half closed. She asked whether he was ready to rest. I told her he was … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":36878,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-36897","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-insightdrama"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36897","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=36897"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36897\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":36917,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36897\/revisions\/36917"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/36878"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=36897"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=36897"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=36897"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}