By the time evening came, the house had settled into a familiar rhythm.<\/p>\n
Maddie played on the rug.<\/p>\n
Bentley sat at the table with his backpack beside the old chair.<\/p>\n
The blue jar remained near the middle of the table.<\/p>\n
The telephone sat on the kitchen counter, close enough for me to hear.<\/p>\n
We had kept asking questions.<\/p>\n
We had written down the information we received.<\/p>\n
We had explained what Bentley knew and what he did not know.<\/p>\n
But we still did not have the answer we needed.<\/p>\n
I couldn't tell the children when Amber would return.<\/p>\n
I couldn't tell them what had happened during the days when she hadn't called.<\/p>\n
I couldn't tell them whether the next telephone call would finally explain everything.<\/p>\n
I could only keep doing what I had promised.<\/p>\n
That evening, I made soup and warmed some bread.<\/p>\n
Bentley helped put the bowls on the table.<\/p>\n
Maddie insisted on carrying her own spoon.<\/p>\n
She dropped it once, then laughed when I picked it up.<\/p>\n
Bentley started to get out of his chair.<\/p>\n
I looked at him.<\/p>\n
He stopped.<\/p>\n
I handed Maddie a clean spoon.<\/p>\n
She accepted it and returned to her seat.<\/p>\n
Bentley watched her for a moment.<\/p>\n
Then he sat down again.<\/p>\n
We ate together.<\/p>\n
Maddie talked about her toys.<\/p>\n
Bentley asked whether there would be pancakes for breakfast.<\/p>\n
I told him there probably would be.<\/p>\n
He smiled.<\/p>\n
The smile was small, but it didn't disappear immediately.<\/p>\n
After dinner, Maddie wanted to play with the toy telephone.<\/p>\n
She carried it around the living room, pretending to call different people.<\/p>\n
She called me.<\/p>\n
She called Bentley.<\/p>\n
She called a stuffed animal.<\/p>\n
Then she pressed it to her ear and said, \u201cHello, Mommy.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bentley went still.<\/p>\n
Maddie listened to the toy for a moment.<\/p>\n
Then she said, \u201cI'm eating dinner.\u201d<\/p>\n
She paused.<\/p>\n
\u201cArlene made soup.\u201d<\/p>\n
She listened again.<\/p>\n
Then she smiled and ran back toward her toys.<\/p>\n
Bentley looked down at his hands.<\/p>\n
I sat beside him.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you thinking about?\u201d<\/p>\n
He shrugged.<\/p>\n
\u201cI wish it was real.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI wish Mom could hear her.\u201d<\/p>\n
I put my hand on the table.<\/p>\n
\u201cMe, too.\u201d<\/p>\n
He took a breath.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't know what I'll say when she calls.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don't have to decide that now.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat if I forget everything?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou can start by telling her you miss her.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd then?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen you can tell her whatever you want her to know.\u201d<\/p>\n
He considered that.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat if I cry?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen you cry.\u201d<\/p>\n
He seemed surprised by the answer.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat's okay?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked toward the hallway.<\/p>\n
\u201cI haven't cried in front of Maddie.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don't have to hide every feeling from her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut she'll be scared.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe might have questions. You can answer them honestly, and I can help you.\u201d<\/p>\n
He rubbed his palms against his knees.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't want her to think something bad happened.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe don't know what happened,\u201d I reminded him. \u201cWe can be honest about that without deciding the worst.\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
Then he leaned back in the chair.<\/p>\n
\u201cI miss Mom.\u201d<\/p>\n
The words came out simply.<\/p>\n
No explanation followed them.<\/p>\n
No apology.<\/p>\n
No promise that he would be fine.<\/p>\n
I felt something in me soften.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know you do.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at the blue jar.<\/p>\n
\u201cI miss her singing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI remember you telling me about that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI miss when she makes pancakes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe'll keep making them.\u201d<\/p>\n
He gave a faint smile.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey aren't the same.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d I said. \u201cThey aren't.\u201d<\/p>\n
He seemed relieved that I didn't argue.<\/p>\n
We sat quietly until Maddie came over and climbed into his lap.<\/p>\n
He wrapped his arms around her.<\/p>\n
She rested her head against his chest.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere's Mommy?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n
Bentley looked at me.<\/p>\n
I let him decide whether he wanted to answer.<\/p>\n
He took a slow breath.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe don't know yet, Maddie.\u201d<\/p>\n
She looked up at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut we're trying to find her?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes,\u201d he said. \u201cArlene is helping us.\u201d<\/p>\n
Maddie considered that.<\/p>\n
Then she settled against him again.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bentley held her for a moment longer.<\/p>\n
When she got down, he didn't follow her immediately.<\/p>\n
He remained at the table, looking at the blue jar.<\/p>\n
\u201cArlene?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you for helping us.\u201d<\/p>\n
I reached across the table and rested my hand over his.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don't have to thank me for helping you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI want to.\u201d<\/p>\n
I let him have that.<\/p>\n
After a moment, he asked, \u201cCan I keep coming to your house?\u201d<\/p>\n
The question surprised me, though it shouldn't have.<\/p>\n
He had been coming every morning for the bathroom, water, and something small to eat.<\/p>\n
He had turned that ordinary routine into the place where he could find help when he didn't know what else to do.<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course you can come to me when you need help,\u201d I said. \u201cYou don't have to wait until something is wrong, either.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked down.<\/p>\n
\u201cEven if I'm just hungry?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEven if you're just hungry.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEven if Maddie wants crackers?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEven then.\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
I could see that he was trying to believe me.<\/p>\n
I couldn't expect him to trust everything immediately.<\/p>\n
He had spent days believing that he needed to keep the situation hidden to protect his sister.<\/p>\n
He had learned to be cautious because he was afraid of what might happen if he asked the wrong person for help.<\/p>\n
I would have to show him, through ordinary days and repeated actions, that asking for help did not make him a burden.<\/p>\n
I would have to keep my promises in the small ways that were possible.<\/p>\n
I could make breakfast.<\/p>\n
I could answer the telephone.<\/p>\n
I could keep asking questions.<\/p>\n
I could tell the truth, even when the truth was that I didn't know.<\/p>\n
And I could make sure the children were not left to manage everything alone while the adults worked to find answers.<\/p>\n
Later, I helped Maddie get ready for bed.<\/p>\n
Bentley chose a story and read it to her.<\/p>\n
He stumbled over a few words, and she corrected him even when she was wrong.<\/p>\n
He laughed.<\/p>\n
For a little while, their room sounded like a room where children lived rather than a place where two frightened children were waiting for their mother.<\/p>\n
When Maddie was asleep, Bentley came into the kitchen.<\/p>\n
The telephone remained on the counter.<\/p>\n
The blue jar remained on the table.<\/p>\n
He looked at both.<\/p>\n
Then he sat down in the old chair.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid it ring?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
He didn't look pleased.<\/p>\n
He didn't look surprised.<\/p>\n
He simply accepted the answer.<\/p>\n
I sat across from him.<\/p>\n
\u201cI'm going to keep the telephone close tonight,\u201d I told him. \u201cIf your mother calls, I'll answer. If we learn anything else, I'll tell you.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd if we don't?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen we'll keep taking the next step.\u201d<\/p>\n
He was quiet for a long time.<\/p>\n
Finally, he nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cAll right.\u201d<\/p>\n
I watched him sit there, his hands resting on the arms of the chair.<\/p>\n
He was still ten years old.<\/p>\n
He still missed his mother.<\/p>\n
He still wanted an answer that I could not give him.<\/p>\n
But he no longer had to pretend that he could carry the whole situation by himself.<\/p>\n
I stood and put the remaining bread away.<\/p>\n
Then I checked the kitchen one last time.<\/p>\n
The blue jar was safe.<\/p>\n
The telephone was within reach.<\/p>\n
The children's blankets were ready.<\/p>\n
There was food for breakfast.<\/p>\n
None of those things could tell me when Amber would come home.<\/p>\n
None of them could explain why the calls had stopped.<\/p>\n
But they were things I could do while I continued seeking the answer.<\/p>\n
Bentley rose from the chair and walked toward the hallway.<\/p>\n
At the doorway, he turned back.<\/p>\n
\u201cGood night, Arlene.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGood night, Bentley.\u201d<\/p>\n
He went to bed without asking whether everything would be fine tomorrow.<\/p>\n
I watched him disappear down the hall.<\/p>\n
Then I turned off the kitchen light, leaving the small light in the hallway on.<\/p>\n
I had no neat ending to give the children.<\/p>\n
I had no date to circle on a calendar.<\/p>\n
I had no message from Amber explaining the silence.<\/p>\n
What I had was a ten-year-old boy who had finally admitted he was tired, a three-year-old girl who still expected her mother to sing to her, and a promise I could keep one day at a time.<\/p>\n
I would keep asking questions.<\/p>\n
I would keep answering when the telephone rang.<\/p>\n
And until we knew what had happened to Amber, I would make sure Bentley and Maddie had someone beside them while they waited.<\/p>\n
PART 20 END<\/p>\n