The next morning began quietly.<\/p>\n
I woke, checked the telephone, and found no message.<\/p>\n
I made tea.<\/p>\n
Then I prepared breakfast.<\/p>\n
The blue jar sat on the table, its lid still closed.<\/p>\n
I had grown used to seeing it there.<\/p>\n
At first, it had seemed like a small object that might help me understand Amber's plan.<\/p>\n
Now I understood that it meant something different to Bentley.<\/p>\n
It was one of the few things he could still point to and say his mother had left it for them.<\/p>\n
I wasn't going to move it unless there was a reason.<\/p>\n
Bentley came into the kitchen after I had set out the plates.<\/p>\n
He looked toward the counter.<\/p>\n
Then he looked at the jar.<\/p>\n
\u201cMorning,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cMorning.\u201d<\/p>\n
He sat down.<\/p>\n
I put breakfast in front of him.<\/p>\n
He ate without waiting for Maddie to take the first bite.<\/p>\n
That small change made me feel hopeful, though I tried not to show it too much.<\/p>\n
When Maddie joined us, she asked for more food.<\/p>\n
Bentley looked at her plate.<\/p>\n
I waited.<\/p>\n
He didn't reach for it.<\/p>\n
He simply asked, \u201cDo you want another pancake?\u201d<\/p>\n
Maddie nodded.<\/p>\n
I gave her one.<\/p>\n
Bentley returned to his own breakfast.<\/p>\n
After we finished eating, I washed the dishes and checked my notes again.<\/p>\n
I knew what I had already asked.<\/p>\n
I knew what information I had been given.<\/p>\n
I didn't want to repeat the same questions without making it clear that the children were still waiting and still needed help.<\/p>\n
I called again.<\/p>\n
I explained the situation calmly.<\/p>\n
I gave Amber's name and described what Bentley had told me about the accident and surgery.<\/p>\n
I said the last call the children remembered had been six days earlier.<\/p>\n
I explained that I had been caring for them and that I needed guidance on how to get their concern to the appropriate person.<\/p>\n
I listened.<\/p>\n
I wrote down the response.<\/p>\n
I asked for clarification when I didn't understand something.<\/p>\n
I did not claim to be a relative.<\/p>\n
I did not pretend to know more than I did.<\/p>\n
I explained what I could verify and what remained uncertain.<\/p>\n
When the call ended, I set down the telephone.<\/p>\n
The answer was still incomplete.<\/p>\n
I had not spoken directly to Amber.<\/p>\n
I had not learned when she might return.<\/p>\n
I had not been able to tell the children that their mother was all right.<\/p>\n
I sat for a moment with my hands folded on the table.<\/p>\n
I was beginning to understand that helping someone did not always mean producing an immediate result.<\/p>\n
Sometimes it meant continuing to ask the questions that had not yet been answered.<\/p>\n
Sometimes it meant admitting what you didn't know.<\/p>\n
And sometimes it meant making sure a child did not have to carry the uncertainty alone.<\/p>\n
Bentley appeared in the doorway.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you talk to her?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, sweetheart.\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
I could see the disappointment, but he didn't look as though he expected me to change the answer.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid they tell you anything?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI got more guidance about how to continue asking for help, but I still don't have confirmation about your mother.\u201d<\/p>\n
He pulled out a chair.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay.\u201d<\/p>\n
I sat beside him.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know you wanted a different answer.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at the jar.<\/p>\n
\u201cI wanted to know if she was coming home.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
He traced the edge of the table with one finger.<\/p>\n
\u201cI keep thinking that if I had said more when she called, she might have done something.\u201d<\/p>\n
I turned toward him.<\/p>\n
\u201cBentley, you didn't cause this by leaving things out of a telephone conversation.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut she didn't know we needed food.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou told her what you could while you were frightened and trying to take care of Maddie.\u201d<\/p>\n
He shook his head.<\/p>\n
\u201cI should've told her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou wish you had.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked up.<\/p>\n
I continued carefully.<\/p>\n
\u201cWishing you had said something different is not the same as being responsible for what happened.\u201d<\/p>\n
He was quiet.<\/p>\n
I let him think.<\/p>\n
Then he asked, \u201cDo you think she was scared?\u201d<\/p>\n
I considered the question.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't know what she was feeling when she called you.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked away.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut she might have been,\u201d I added. \u201cPeople can be frightened when they are hurt or when they don't know what will happen next.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bentley nodded slowly.<\/p>\n
\u201cI wish I could tell her we were okay.\u201d<\/p>\n
I glanced at the blue jar.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou can tell her what happened when you speak to her again.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd you can tell her that you tried to take care of Maddie,\u201d I said. \u201cYou don't have to pretend it was easy.\u201d<\/p>\n
He rubbed his eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't want her to worry.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut I want her to know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat makes sense.\u201d<\/p>\n
He sat quietly for a while.<\/p>\n
Then he reached for the jar and moved it a little closer.<\/p>\n
I didn't stop him.<\/p>\n
He rested his hands beside it.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan we keep it here until Mom comes back?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at me carefully.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don't mind?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, Bentley. I don't mind.\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
For a moment, we sat without speaking.<\/p>\n
Then Maddie came running into the kitchen, carrying the toy telephone.<\/p>\n
\u201cBentley! It rings!\u201d<\/p>\n
She pressed the toy against her ear and made a little ringing sound.<\/p>\n
Bentley looked at her.<\/p>\n
She held the toy out to him.<\/p>\n
\u201cYour turn.\u201d<\/p>\n
He accepted it.<\/p>\n
He held it to his ear, then smiled at her.<\/p>\n
\u201cHello?\u201d<\/p>\n
Maddie burst into laughter.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt's Mommy!\u201d<\/p>\n
Bentley's smile faltered, but he didn't look away.<\/p>\n
He handed the toy back gently.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe you can tell her about your game when we talk to her.\u201d<\/p>\n
Maddie seemed pleased with that answer.<\/p>\n
She ran back to the living room.<\/p>\n
Bentley watched her go.<\/p>\n
Then he looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn't tell her we were okay this time.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d I said. \u201cYou told her you didn't know.\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cI think that's better.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI think so, too.\u201d<\/p>\n
I put the telephone back on the counter.<\/p>\n
The blue jar remained on the table.<\/p>\n
Nothing about Amber's situation had become clear that morning.<\/p>\n
But Bentley had begun to understand that he could tell the truth without betraying his mother.<\/p>\n
He could admit that he was scared without failing his sister.<\/p>\n
He could ask for help without making himself responsible for what adults did next.<\/p>\n
Those were important things.<\/p>\n
They did not answer the questions we still had.<\/p>\n
They did not replace the mother who was missing from the children's lives.<\/p>\n
But they mattered.<\/p>\n
I made another cup of tea and sat beside Bentley while Maddie played.<\/p>\n
We waited together.<\/p>\n
PART 19 END<\/p>\n
The next morning began quietly. I woke, checked the telephone, and found no message. I made tea. Then I prepared breakfast. The blue jar sat on the table, its lid … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":36383,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-36402","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-insightdrama"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36402","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=36402"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36402\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":36422,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36402\/revisions\/36422"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/36383"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=36402"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=36402"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=36402"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}