By lunchtime, Bentley had stopped watching the telephone every few minutes.<\/p>\n
He still looked toward the counter now and then, but he no longer turned his whole body whenever a sound came from the kitchen.<\/p>\n
I took that as a small sign of relief.<\/p>\n
I didn't mistake it for happiness.<\/p>\n
There was still no answer about Amber.<\/p>\n
There was still no way to tell the children when their mother might come home.<\/p>\n
I made sandwiches and cut an apple into slices for Maddie.<\/p>\n
Bentley sat at the table while I worked.<\/p>\n
When I put his plate in front of him, he thanked me.<\/p>\n
Then he asked if he could have another slice of apple.<\/p>\n
I handed him one without asking why.<\/p>\n
He ate it slowly.<\/p>\n
I was rinsing the knife when he spoke.<\/p>\n
\u201cArlene, can I tell you something without you getting upset?\u201d<\/p>\n
I turned off the water.<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course.\u201d<\/p>\n
He stared at his plate.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn't always tell Maddie the truth.\u201d<\/p>\n
I dried my hands and sat across from him.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen she asked where Mom was, sometimes I said she was sleeping.\u201d<\/p>\n
He rubbed his thumb against the edge of the plate.<\/p>\n
\u201cSometimes I said she was working.\u201d<\/p>\n
I let him continue.<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought it would be easier for her if she didn't know Mom was gone.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow did she respond?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe believed me.\u201d<\/p>\n
His voice grew quieter.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe'd say okay and go play.\u201d<\/p>\n
He swallowed.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen she'd ask again later.\u201d<\/p>\n
I could hear how much that repeated question had worn him down.<\/p>\n
Every time Maddie asked, he had been forced to choose between telling her something frightening and giving her an answer he hoped would keep her calm.<\/p>\n
He had been doing that while trying to understand the situation himself.<\/p>\n
\u201cBentley, you were trying to protect her,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know, but I lied.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou were scared, and you were trying to find words for something you didn't understand.\u201d<\/p>\n
He shook his head.<\/p>\n
\u201cMom says lying is wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYour mother is right that telling the truth matters. But you can make a mistake because you're frightened without being a bad person.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat if Maddie remembers?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe might remember some of it. She might not. Either way, you can tell her the truth now.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat truth?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat we don't know when Mom is coming home, and that the adults are trying to find out what happened.\u201d<\/p>\n
He stared at his plate for a long time.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe might cry.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI hate when she cries.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
He pressed his lips together.<\/p>\n
Then he looked toward the living room, where Maddie was arranging her toys in a line.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe cries when she can't find her favorite blanket.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMost children cry when something they love is missing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat if Mom is missing?\u201d<\/p>\n
The question came out so quietly that I felt it before I fully understood it.<\/p>\n
I reached for my glass of water.<\/p>\n
I needed a moment to choose my words.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe don't know enough to say what has happened to her,\u201d I told him. \u201cThat's why I'm continuing to ask for help.\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut I can't tell you something I don't know.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked away.<\/p>\n
I wished I could give him the kind of certainty he wanted.<\/p>\n
I wished I could tell him his mother was recovering somewhere, that she had a good reason for not calling, and that she would walk through the front door before the children had to ask another question.<\/p>\n
But wishing wasn't knowing.<\/p>\n
And I had already seen what happened when a child built his days around a promise nobody could confirm.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan I ask you something now?\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
He looked back at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cSure.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen you came to my house every morning, did you ever think about telling me what was happening?\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cSometimes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat stopped you?\u201d<\/p>\n
He thought about it.<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought you'd ask questions.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI probably would have.\u201d<\/p>\n
He gave a faint smile.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn't know what I'd say.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat makes sense.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd I thought you might call somebody.\u201d<\/p>\n
I didn't pretend not to understand.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou were afraid that calling somebody would mean losing Maddie.\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cMom said she never wanted us to be separated.\u201d<\/p>\n
I remembered what he had told me about Amber's childhood.<\/p>\n
Three homes in four years.<\/p>\n
A young mother who had grown up uncertain about where she would live next.<\/p>\n
A promise made to her children because she wanted their lives to be different.<\/p>\n
I couldn't know exactly what Amber had intended when she told Bentley to stay home.<\/p>\n
I couldn't know what she had believed would happen if she couldn't return.<\/p>\n
But I could see the burden her words had placed on him.<\/p>\n
\u201cYour mother wanted you both to be safe,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
He looked down.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was trying to do that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought if I could keep Maddie at home, nobody would separate us.\u201d<\/p>\n
I leaned forward.<\/p>\n
\u201cBentley, you were never supposed to have to make that decision by yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n
He rubbed his eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut I did.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes,\u201d I said gently. \u201cYou did, because you were frightened and didn't know who else to ask.\u201d<\/p>\n
He was quiet.<\/p>\n
I didn't tell him he should have known better.<\/p>\n
I didn't tell him that I would have helped if only he had spoken sooner.<\/p>\n
Those things might have been true in another sense, but they would not have helped him now.<\/p>\n
He had finally told me what he was carrying.<\/p>\n
The least I could do was listen.<\/p>\n
After a while, he asked whether I was going to make another call.<\/p>\n
\u201cI will.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cToday?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
Then he pushed his plate away.<\/p>\n
\u201cI'm full.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat's fine.\u201d<\/p>\n
He stood and took his plate to the sink.<\/p>\n
I let him place it there.<\/p>\n
When he returned, he sat beside Maddie on the rug.<\/p>\n
She handed him a toy and told him it was a telephone.<\/p>\n
He held it to his ear.<\/p>\n
\u201cHello?\u201d<\/p>\n
Maddie giggled.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt's Mommy!\u201d<\/p>\n
Bentley froze.<\/p>\n
For one terrible second, I saw the hope return to his face so quickly that he seemed unable to control it.<\/p>\n
Then Maddie laughed again and took the toy from him.<\/p>\n
\u201cMommy says hello!\u201d<\/p>\n
Bentley forced a smile.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat's nice, Maddie.\u201d<\/p>\n
He handed the toy back.<\/p>\n
I watched him sit quietly while she continued playing.<\/p>\n
He didn't scold her.<\/p>\n
He didn't tell her not to say their mother's name.<\/p>\n
He simply let her enjoy her game.<\/p>\n
That afternoon, I made another call and explained the situation again.<\/p>\n
I kept my notes beside me.<\/p>\n
I made sure I didn't confuse what Bentley had told me with what I knew for myself.<\/p>\n
When the call ended, I wrote down the information I had received.<\/p>\n
It wasn't the answer we needed.<\/p>\n
But it gave me another step to follow.<\/p>\n
I put the notes in the drawer beside the telephone.<\/p>\n
Then I returned to the living room.<\/p>\n
Bentley was lying on the rug with one arm beneath his head.<\/p>\n
Maddie had arranged her toys around him.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you playing?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
He looked at the ceiling.<\/p>\n
\u201cI'm resting.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat's allowed.\u201d<\/p>\n
He turned his head toward me.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
This time, he said it without sounding as though he was trying to convince himself.<\/p>\n
I sat on the couch and let him rest.<\/p>\n
For a while, the only sound in the house was Maddie talking to her toys.<\/p>\n
The telephone stayed quiet.<\/p>\n
But Bentley was no longer the only person carrying the unanswered questions.<\/p>\n
I had heard what he had been afraid to say.<\/p>\n
I wasn't going to make him carry it alone again.<\/p>\n
PART 17 END<\/p>\n
By lunchtime, Bentley had stopped watching the telephone every few minutes. He still looked toward the counter now and then, but he no longer turned his whole body whenever a … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":36383,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-36400","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-insightdrama"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36400","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=36400"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36400\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":36420,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36400\/revisions\/36420"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/36383"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=36400"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=36400"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=36400"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}