I woke before the alarm.<\/p>\n
For a few seconds, I didn't remember why I had gone to bed with the telephone on the bedside table.<\/p>\n
Then I saw it.<\/p>\n
The room was dim, and the house was still.<\/p>\n
I listened.<\/p>\n
No footsteps.<\/p>\n
No voices.<\/p>\n
No telephone ringing.<\/p>\n
I got up and went to the kitchen.<\/p>\n
The floor felt cold beneath my feet.<\/p>\n
I filled the kettle and set it on the stove, then took two plates from the cupboard.<\/p>\n
I had already decided what breakfast would be.<\/p>\n
Pancakes again.<\/p>\n
Not because pancakes could fix anything, but because they were familiar and easy to share.<\/p>\n
I measured the flour into a bowl.<\/p>\n
I cracked the eggs one at a time.<\/p>\n
The small sounds made the kitchen feel less empty.<\/p>\n
While the batter rested, I checked the telephone.<\/p>\n
There was no message from Amber.<\/p>\n
I stood holding it longer than necessary.<\/p>\n
Then I set it down and continued cooking.<\/p>\n
The first pancake came out uneven.<\/p>\n
The second was better.<\/p>\n
I stacked them on a plate and covered them with a clean towel to keep them warm.<\/p>\n
When I heard footsteps in the hallway, I turned.<\/p>\n
Bentley appeared in the doorway.<\/p>\n
His hair stuck up on one side.<\/p>\n
He had changed his shirt but was still wearing the same pajama bottoms.<\/p>\n
\u201cMorning,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
He looked at the stove.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou made pancakes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI did.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLike yesterday?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPretty much.\u201d<\/p>\n
He stepped into the kitchen and glanced toward the counter.<\/p>\n
His eyes found the telephone before they found the plates.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid Mom call?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, sweetheart.\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded, then looked down.<\/p>\n
I could see him trying to hide his disappointment.<\/p>\n
I wanted to tell him that a quiet telephone didn't mean his mother had forgotten him.<\/p>\n
But I couldn't prove that.<\/p>\n
So I turned back to the stove.<\/p>\n
\u201cWould you like some breakfast?\u201d<\/p>\n
He hesitated.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan I take some for Maddie?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course. But first, you can have yours.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can wait.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don't need to wait.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at me, uncertain.<\/p>\n
I put two pancakes on his plate and set it at the table.<\/p>\n
Then I put two more on a smaller plate for Maddie.<\/p>\n
Bentley watched me pour a little syrup over his food.<\/p>\n
He picked up his fork but didn't begin eating.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat's wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNothing.\u201d<\/p>\n
I sat across from him.<\/p>\n
\u201cBentley.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked up.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou're allowed to eat your breakfast without checking whether everybody else has enough.\u201d<\/p>\n
His fingers tightened around the fork.<\/p>\n
\u201cI just want to make sure.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
I slid the smaller plate toward the counter.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaddie's breakfast is ready. I'll take it to her when she wakes up.\u201d<\/p>\n
He glanced toward the bedroom.<\/p>\n
\u201cWill you wake her?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. Let her sleep a little longer.\u201d<\/p>\n
He studied the pancakes.<\/p>\n
Then he cut off a small piece and ate it.<\/p>\n
He chewed slowly.<\/p>\n
After a moment, he took another bite.<\/p>\n
I tried not to watch him too closely.<\/p>\n
There was something painful about seeing a child hesitate over food that had been put in front of him freely.<\/p>\n
He had spent too long measuring every piece against the possibility that there might not be another.<\/p>\n
When he finished one pancake, he looked at the plate.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan I have another?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
The answer came so quickly that he looked surprised.<\/p>\n
I placed another pancake on his plate.<\/p>\n
He ate it while it was still warm.<\/p>\n
I poured myself some tea and sat down again.<\/p>\n
For a little while, we spoke about ordinary things.<\/p>\n
He told me that Maddie liked her pancakes cut into little squares.<\/p>\n
He told me she didn't like the syrup touching the edges because it made them sticky.<\/p>\n
He told me she sometimes insisted that the smallest piece was the biggest one.<\/p>\n
I smiled at that.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat sounds like a three-year-old.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe says she's not little anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThey all say that.\u201d<\/p>\n
He smiled briefly.<\/p>\n
It was the first real smile I had seen from him since the previous morning.<\/p>\n
Then he seemed to remember something and looked toward the telephone again.<\/p>\n
I didn't tell him not to.<\/p>\n
I was watching it too.<\/p>\n
After breakfast, he carried his plate to the sink.<\/p>\n
I told him he could leave it on the table.<\/p>\n
He shook his head.<\/p>\n
\u201cI can wash it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou can, but you don't have to.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't mind.\u201d<\/p>\n
I recognized the words.<\/p>\n
This time, I didn't let them pass without answering.<\/p>\n
\u201cBentley, you don't have to earn your place here by doing chores.\u201d<\/p>\n
He stopped with the plate in his hands.<\/p>\n
\u201cI wasn't.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know you may not mean it that way. But you can let me take care of things, too.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked down at the plate.<\/p>\n
Then he placed it beside the sink.<\/p>\n
\u201cAll right.\u201d<\/p>\n
I washed it while he dried his hands.<\/p>\n
He stood nearby, waiting for the next instruction.<\/p>\n
I gave him none.<\/p>\n
After a while, he wandered to the window.<\/p>\n
He looked out at the street, then back at the kitchen.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you think we should go home?\u201d<\/p>\n
I dried my hands.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you want to go home?\u201d<\/p>\n
He considered it.<\/p>\n
\u201cI want Mom to be there.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI understand.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut she's not.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d I said gently. \u201cWe don't know when she'll be back.\u201d<\/p>\n
He pressed his fingertips against the windowsill.<\/p>\n
\u201cI keep thinking maybe she'll be in the kitchen.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked toward the telephone.<\/p>\n
I imagined him opening his own front door each morning and hoping to see Amber standing there.<\/p>\n
I imagined him checking the rooms, the kitchen, and the place where the blue jar sat.<\/p>\n
Then I imagined him having to return to the same empty house and begin another day.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat's a hard thing to keep hoping for,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't want to stop hoping.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don't have to.\u201d<\/p>\n
He turned toward me.<\/p>\n
\u201cEven if you don't know?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEven if I don't know.\u201d<\/p>\n
For a moment, he seemed to accept that.<\/p>\n
Then he asked whether I could make sure the telephone was loud enough to hear.<\/p>\n
I told him I would.<\/p>\n
He walked to the old chair and sat down.<\/p>\n
His backpack remained on the floor beside it.<\/p>\n
He pulled the straps into his lap and began smoothing them between his fingers.<\/p>\n
I wondered what he had packed.<\/p>\n
I knew there were school things inside, but I hadn't looked.<\/p>\n
I wasn't going to search through his belongings just because I was worried.<\/p>\n
If he wanted to tell me what was in there, he could.<\/p>\n
For now, I let him sit with it.<\/p>\n
I returned to the kitchen and checked the telephone once more.<\/p>\n
Still nothing.<\/p>\n
The morning light had begun to spread across the table.<\/p>\n
I made another cup of tea, though I barely drank it.<\/p>\n
I knew I couldn't keep waiting for the telephone to solve everything.<\/p>\n
I also knew I couldn't force an answer to come simply because the children needed one.<\/p>\n
There was a difference between waiting passively and continuing to seek help.<\/p>\n
I had to remember that.<\/p>\n
Bentley lifted his head from the backpack.<\/p>\n
\u201cArlene?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf Mom calls, can I talk to her first?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked down again.<\/p>\n
\u201cEven if she's upset?\u201d<\/p>\n
I walked over and sat in the chair beside him.<\/p>\n
\u201cEven then.\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
I didn't tell him there was nothing to worry about.<\/p>\n
I couldn't know that.<\/p>\n
I only told him that he would not have to face the call alone.<\/p>\n
PART 11 END<\/p>\n
I woke before the alarm. For a few seconds, I didn't remember why I had gone to bed with the telephone on the bedside table. Then I saw it. The … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":36383,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-36394","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-insightdrama"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36394","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=36394"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36394\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":36414,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36394\/revisions\/36414"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/36383"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=36394"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=36394"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=36394"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}