I stared at the embryo identification number until the characters blurred.<\/p>\n
The airplane cabin was dim except for reading lights scattered above the rows.<\/p>\n
Emma slept against me with her mouth slightly open.<\/p>\n
Chloe had abandoned her movie and was watching the clouds through the window.<\/p>\n
Neither girl knew that a string of letters and numbers printed on a financial document had just reopened a part of their history I had spent years trying to close.<\/p>\n
Carter and I had not expected difficulty having children.<\/p>\n
For the first two years of our marriage, we treated pregnancy as something that would happen when life settled down.<\/p>\n
Life never settled down.<\/p>\n
When we finally tried, nothing happened.<\/p>\n
Tests became appointments.<\/p>\n
Appointments became procedures.<\/p>\n
Procedures became a vocabulary I had never wanted to learn.<\/p>\n
Follicles.<\/p>\n
Retrieval.<\/p>\n
Blastocysts.<\/p>\n
Implantation.<\/p>\n
Genetic screening.<\/p>\n
Carter had initially been patient.<\/p>\n
He attended every appointment.<\/p>\n
He learned the medication schedule.<\/p>\n
He injected hormones into my abdomen when my hands shook too badly to do it myself.<\/p>\n
Back then, I had believed hardship was revealing the best part of him.<\/p>\n
I did not yet understand that Carter could be devoted to an objective without being devoted to the person beside him.<\/p>\n
Our first successful IVF cycle produced four viable embryos.<\/p>\n
The doctor had placed the report between us.<\/p>\n
Two female.<\/p>\n
One male.<\/p>\n
One female.<\/p>\n
Carter had squeezed my hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe have a family waiting for us.\u201d<\/p>\n
I had cried.<\/p>\n
The first transfer gave us Chloe.<\/p>\n
The second gave us Emma.<\/p>\n
Emma\u2019s pregnancy nearly killed me.<\/p>\n
I developed severe complications late in the third trimester, and her delivery became an emergency.<\/p>\n
I remembered operating-room lights.<\/p>\n
A nurse pressing something cold against my arm.<\/p>\n
Carter\u2019s face disappearing behind surgical masks.<\/p>\n
Then waking hours later and asking whether my baby was alive.<\/p>\n
She was.<\/p>\n
Tiny.<\/p>\n
Angry.<\/p>\n
Perfect.<\/p>\n
My doctor visited the next morning.<\/p>\n
Another pregnancy, she warned, could carry significant risk.<\/p>\n
Carter and I discussed it for months.<\/p>\n
Eventually we agreed.<\/p>\n
Two children were enough.<\/p>\n
Two healthy daughters were more than enough.<\/p>\n
We decided the remaining embryos would not be used.<\/p>\n
That decision had hurt, but it had been ours.<\/p>\n
Or so I believed.<\/p>\n
A year later, Carter told me there had been a storage problem.<\/p>\n
He came home holding an envelope.<\/p>\n
I was making pasta while Chloe colored at the kitchen table and Emma sat in her high chair dropping peas onto the floor.<\/p>\n
\u201cOakfield called,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
I remembered turning off the stove.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat happened?\u201d<\/p>\n
He handed me the letter.<\/p>\n
The remaining embryos, it said, had deteriorated and were no longer viable.<\/p>\n
They had been disposed of according to laboratory procedure.<\/p>\n
I cried in the pantry where the girls could not see me.<\/p>\n
It was irrational in some ways.<\/p>\n
We had already chosen not to use them.<\/p>\n
Yet knowing they were gone felt different from choosing to let them go.<\/p>\n
Carter found me there.<\/p>\n
He held me.<\/p>\n
\u201cAt least we have our girls,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
For years, I remembered that as one of his kindest moments.<\/p>\n
Now I wondered whether he had already known it was a lie.<\/p>\n
I turned to another document in Rebecca\u2019s folder.<\/p>\n
STERLING CORPORATION \u2014 SPECIAL ADMINISTRATIVE EXPENSE.<\/p>\n
The payment had been routed through a subsidiary.<\/p>\n
Oakfield\u2019s name did not appear directly.<\/p>\n
The forensic accountant found the connection only because the payment reference contained the storage account number.<\/p>\n
The payments continued annually.<\/p>\n
Seven years.<\/p>\n
Seven payments.<\/p>\n
Someone had preserved something Carter told me was destroyed.<\/p>\n
I pulled out my phone.<\/p>\n
No signal at altitude, but Wi-Fi was available.<\/p>\n
I connected.<\/p>\n
Notifications appeared immediately.<\/p>\n
Nine missed calls.<\/p>\n
All Carter.<\/p>\n
A tenth arrived while I watched.<\/p>\n
I let it ring.<\/p>\n
Chloe looked over.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs that Dad?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you going to answer?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot right now.\u201d<\/p>\n
She studied me.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you mad at him?\u201d<\/p>\n
Children always ask simple questions about complicated things.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid he do something bad?\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at her.<\/p>\n
Her headphones rested around her neck.<\/p>\n
A faint purple mark covered one knee from falling during soccer practice.<\/p>\n
Carter had promised to attend that game.<\/p>\n
He had not.<\/p>\n
\u201cI think your dad made some choices I don\u2019t understand yet.\u201d<\/p>\n
Chloe considered this.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs that why we\u2019re going to Aunt Natalie?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPartly.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDoes he know we\u2019re going?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot yet.\u201d<\/p>\n
Her eyes dropped.<\/p>\n
\u201cWill he care?\u201d<\/p>\n
That question hurt far more than Carter\u2019s courthouse cruelty.<\/p>\n
I closed the folder.<\/p>\n
\u201cChloe, whatever happens between your father and me has nothing to do with your worth.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
But she said it too quickly.<\/p>\n
I reached across Emma and took her hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou and your sister are the best things that ever happened to me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cParents have to say that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. Parents are supposed to mean it.\u201d<\/p>\n
That earned the smallest smile.<\/p>\n
She returned to the window.<\/p>\n
I reopened the folder.<\/p>\n
The destruction letter was there.<\/p>\n
Rebecca had obtained the copy from our old household records.<\/p>\n
At first glance, it looked legitimate.<\/p>\n
Oakfield logo.<\/p>\n
Date.<\/p>\n
Account information.<\/p>\n
A signature from a laboratory administrator.<\/p>\n
Rebecca had circled the administrator\u2019s name.<\/p>\n
MARTIN KEENE.<\/p>\n
Beside it she had written:<\/p>\n
Oakfield says no employee by this name appears in HR records for relevant period. Verification pending.<\/p>\n
My skin prickled.<\/p>\n
I read the letter again.<\/p>\n
If the administrator did not exist, then Carter had handed me a forged document.<\/p>\n
Why?<\/p>\n
The obvious answer was the male embryo.<\/p>\n
But that created another question.<\/p>\n
Why preserve only one?<\/p>\n
The storage payments referenced the male embryo\u2019s identification code.<\/p>\n
Not the female embryo.<\/p>\n
I searched through the documents until I found another invoice.<\/p>\n
Same code.<\/p>\n
Male.<\/p>\n
My stomach turned.<\/p>\n
Carter\u2019s father had spent years complaining about the absence of a grandson.<\/p>\n
Had Richard known?<\/p>\n
Had Carter secretly preserved the embryo because he hoped someday to have the son his father demanded?<\/p>\n
But an embryo Carter and I created genetically belonged to us.<\/p>\n
Keeping it frozen without my knowledge was one betrayal.<\/p>\n
Using it would be another matter entirely.<\/p>\n
I stopped.<\/p>\n
Using it.<\/p>\n
Jessica was pregnant.<\/p>\n
Carter said she was carrying a boy.<\/p>\n
I stared at the page.<\/p>\n
No.<\/p>\n
The thought was so grotesque that my mind rejected it immediately.<\/p>\n
There were thousands of fertility patients.<\/p>\n
Thousands of embryos.<\/p>\n
Jessica\u2019s pregnancy could have nothing to do with mine.<\/p>\n
I told myself that twice.<\/p>\n
Then I remembered Rebecca\u2019s expression outside the courthouse.<\/p>\n
She had not looked merely concerned when I mentioned Jessica\u2019s pregnancy.<\/p>\n
She had looked as if two pieces of information had suddenly moved closer together.<\/p>\n
My phone vibrated.<\/p>\n
Carter again.<\/p>\n
Missed call eleven.<\/p>\n
Then a text.<\/p>\n
CALL ME.<\/p>\n
Another appeared.<\/p>\n
IT\u2019S IMPORTANT.<\/p>\n
I stared at the messages.<\/p>\n
Carter rarely used capital letters.<\/p>\n
A third came.<\/p>\n
WHERE ARE YOU?<\/p>\n
I did not answer.<\/p>\n
Instead I messaged Rebecca.<\/p>\n
Are you awake?<\/p>\n
Her reply arrived less than a minute later.<\/p>\n
Yes. What happened?<\/p>\n
I typed:<\/p>\n
Carter has called eleven times since takeoff. Something is wrong.<\/p>\n
Three dots appeared.<\/p>\n
Then vanished.<\/p>\n
Then appeared again.<\/p>\n
Finally:<\/p>\n
Lauren, do not speak to him yet.<\/p>\n
My pulse accelerated.<\/p>\n
Why?<\/p>\n
Rebecca responded:<\/p>\n
Oakfield contacted my office.<\/p>\n
I sat upright.<\/p>\n
Emma stirred against me.<\/p>\n
I lowered the brightness on my phone.<\/p>\n
What did they say?<\/p>\n
Rebecca did not answer immediately.<\/p>\n
I watched the message indicator.<\/p>\n
The plane seemed suddenly too quiet.<\/p>\n
At last her response appeared.<\/p>\n
Their compliance director found irregularities connected to your embryo storage account.<\/p>\n
My fingers went cold.<\/p>\n
What kind of irregularities?<\/p>\n
Another delay.<\/p>\n
Then:<\/p>\n
They are reviewing release documents.<\/p>\n
Release.<\/p>\n
Not storage.<\/p>\n
Release.<\/p>\n
I read the word repeatedly.<\/p>\n
An embryo could remain stored.<\/p>\n
An embryo could be destroyed.<\/p>\n
Or an embryo could be released from storage for transfer.<\/p>\n
My hands began shaking.<\/p>\n
I typed:<\/p>\n
Which embryo?<\/p>\n
Rebecca answered:<\/p>\n
The male embryo.<\/p>\n
I looked at Emma.<\/p>\n
Then at Chloe.<\/p>\n
Then at the identification number on the invoice.<\/p>\n
My phone rang again.<\/p>\n
Carter.<\/p>\n
This time I understood why he was calling.<\/p>\n
I declined the call.<\/p>\n
A message from Rebecca arrived immediately afterward.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s more. Oakfield says the release authorization contains a signature purporting to be yours.<\/p>\n
I stopped breathing.<\/p>\n
I had never signed any release authorization.<\/p>\n
Not for the male embryo.<\/p>\n
Not for either remaining embryo.<\/p>\n
Never.<\/p>\n
I typed the words slowly.<\/p>\n
That signature is not mine.<\/p>\n
Rebecca\u2019s reply came almost instantly.<\/p>\n
I know.<\/p>\n
The plane began descending through a layer of cloud.<\/p>\n
Seattle appeared below us in fragments\u2014water, buildings, gray sky, wet streets.<\/p>\n
I looked at my daughters.<\/p>\n
We were minutes from landing.<\/p>\n
Behind us, across the country, Carter kept calling.<\/p>\n
And somewhere inside Oakfield Fertility Institute was a document bearing a forged version of my name, authorizing the release of a male embryo I had been told was destroyed.<\/p>\n
I stared at the embryo identification number until the characters blurred. The airplane cabin was dim except for reading lights scattered above the rows. Emma slept against me with her … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":24435,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-24438","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-insightdrama"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24438","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=24438"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24438\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":24473,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24438\/revisions\/24473"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/24435"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=24438"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=24438"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=24438"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}