Margaret deleted her reply to Henry six times.<\/p>\n
The first sounded too eager.<\/p>\n
The second sounded like a bank refusing a loan.<\/p>\n
The third was three paragraphs long and somehow included Charleston weather.<\/p>\n
She stared at the screen.<\/p>\n
"This is ridiculous."<\/p>\n
Robert's photograph offered no assistance.<\/p>\n
Margaret finally typed:<\/p>\n
Hello, Henry. I remember you. Maine in September sounds lovely. I don't know my plans yet, but coffee would be nice if our paths cross.<\/p>\n
She read it.<\/p>\n
Simple.<\/p>\n
Reasonable.<\/p>\n
Then she noticed the phrase if our paths cross.<\/p>\n
It sounded as though she expected fate to organize transportation.<\/p>\n
Margaret deleted it.<\/p>\n
She tried again.<\/p>\n
Hello, Henry. It's good to hear from you. I am considering Maine in September. If I go, I would enjoy having coffee with you.<\/p>\n
She stared.<\/p>\n
Then sent it before she could reconsider.<\/p>\n
Immediately she regretted everything.<\/p>\n
She closed the laptop.<\/p>\n
Opened it.<\/p>\n
No response.<\/p>\n
"Of course there's no response. It's been eleven seconds."<\/p>\n
Margaret went outside.<\/p>\n
She weeded the garden aggressively.<\/p>\n
Forty minutes later her phone chimed.<\/p>\n
Henry.<\/p>\n
Glad to hear it. And for the record, I also rewrote my message several times. Apparently being widowed does not improve one's ability to sound normal.<\/p>\n
Margaret laughed aloud.<\/p>\n
The relief embarrassed her.<\/p>\n
They began exchanging emails.<\/p>\n
Not every day.<\/p>\n
At first.<\/p>\n
Henry told her about Ohio.<\/p>\n
His two daughters.<\/p>\n
Four grandchildren.<\/p>\n
His late wife, Judith, who had taught elementary school and hated mushrooms.<\/p>\n
Margaret told him about Robert.<\/p>\n
Daniel.<\/p>\n
Emily.<\/p>\n
Her work.<\/p>\n
Her Charleston trip.<\/p>\n
She did not tell him about the house immediately.<\/p>\n
That story felt too intimate.<\/p>\n
More intimate, strangely, than widowhood.<\/p>\n
A week later Henry called.<\/p>\n
Margaret almost did not answer.<\/p>\n
Then she remembered she had given him the number.<\/p>\n
"Hello?"<\/p>\n
"Margaret?"<\/p>\n
"Yes."<\/p>\n
"It's Henry."<\/p>\n
"I gathered."<\/p>\n
"Good. I was afraid I'd accidentally called someone else and begun an elderly romance scandal."<\/p>\n
Margaret laughed.<\/p>\n
They spoke for nearly an hour.<\/p>\n
Afterward she felt happy.<\/p>\n
Then guilty.<\/p>\n
The guilt arrived so quickly that she almost admired its efficiency.<\/p>\n
She looked at Robert's photograph.<\/p>\n
The house seemed too quiet.<\/p>\n
Margaret walked to the mantel.<\/p>\n
"I'm not replacing you."<\/p>\n
Saying it aloud made her cry.<\/p>\n
She sat.<\/p>\n
Eight years.<\/p>\n
Robert had been dead eight years.<\/p>\n
Why did one pleasant conversation with another man feel more disloyal than spending half a million dollars trying to hold their family together?<\/p>\n
Perhaps because money had belonged to the practical world.<\/p>\n
This touched the private room inside her where Robert still lived.<\/p>\n
Margaret called Emily.<\/p>\n
Her daughter answered.<\/p>\n
"Everything okay?"<\/p>\n
"No."<\/p>\n
Emily's voice changed immediately.<\/p>\n
"What happened?"<\/p>\n
"I spoke to Henry."<\/p>\n
A pause.<\/p>\n
Then Emily screamed.<\/p>\n
Margaret moved the phone away.<\/p>\n
"Stop."<\/p>\n
"Sorry."<\/p>\n
"You are not sorry."<\/p>\n
"How was it?"<\/p>\n
"Nice."<\/p>\n
"Then why do you sound like someone died?"<\/p>\n
Margaret closed her eyes.<\/p>\n
The phrase landed badly.<\/p>\n
Emily heard it too.<\/p>\n
"Mom. I'm sorry."<\/p>\n
"No."<\/p>\n
Margaret breathed.<\/p>\n
"It's fine."<\/p>\n
"What's wrong?"<\/p>\n
"I feel guilty."<\/p>\n
Emily became quiet.<\/p>\n
"Because of Dad."<\/p>\n
"Yes."<\/p>\n
"Mom."<\/p>\n
"I know it's irrational."<\/p>\n
"I wasn't going to say that."<\/p>\n
"You were thinking it."<\/p>\n
"Maybe."<\/p>\n
Margaret wiped her face.<\/p>\n
"What if enjoying someone else means something about what I had with your father?"<\/p>\n
"It means you're alive."<\/p>\n
"That's a slogan."<\/p>\n
"Fine."<\/p>\n
Emily's voice became more serious.<\/p>\n
"Do you remember Dad's hospital scare?"<\/p>\n
Margaret frowned.<\/p>\n
"What hospital scare?"<\/p>\n
"About a year before he died. He had chest pain."<\/p>\n
Margaret remembered.<\/p>\n
Robert had insisted it was indigestion.<\/p>\n
The emergency room found nothing acute.<\/p>\n
They sent him home.<\/p>\n
"What about it?"<\/p>\n
"Dad called me afterward."<\/p>\n
Margaret sat straighter.<\/p>\n
"Why?"<\/p>\n
"He wanted me to make him a promise."<\/p>\n
Something in Emily's voice changed the room.<\/p>\n
"What promise?"<\/p>\n
Emily hesitated.<\/p>\n
"He said if something happened to him, I wasn't allowed to let you become one of those widows who stopped living."<\/p>\n
Margaret stopped breathing.<\/p>\n
"He said that?"<\/p>\n
"Yes."<\/p>\n
"Why didn't you tell me?"<\/p>\n
"You were grieving."<\/p>\n
"For eight years?"<\/p>\n
Emily sighed.<\/p>\n
"Then you were busy rescuing Daniel."<\/p>\n
Margaret winced.<\/p>\n
"Fair."<\/p>\n
"He specifically said you'd turn grief into chores."<\/p>\n
Margaret began laughing through tears.<\/p>\n
"That sounds like him."<\/p>\n
"He said you'd convince yourself being useful was the same as being alive."<\/p>\n
Margaret covered her mouth.<\/p>\n
Robert had known her too well.<\/p>\n
Emily continued.<\/p>\n
"And then he said something horrible."<\/p>\n
"What?"<\/p>\n
"That if you met another man, I had to be nice unless he wore sandals with socks."<\/p>\n
Margaret laughed so hard she bent forward.<\/p>\n
"He wore sandals with socks."<\/p>\n
"I reminded him."<\/p>\n
"What did he say?"<\/p>\n
"Exactly. I know how bad it looks."<\/p>\n
Margaret wiped her eyes.<\/p>\n
The laughter faded.<\/p>\n
"Did he really say I should meet someone else?"<\/p>\n
"He said you should do whatever made you want tomorrow to arrive."<\/p>\n
Margaret closed her eyes.<\/p>\n
That sentence stayed.<\/p>\n
After the call, she took Robert's photograph from the mantel.<\/p>\n
She carried it to the kitchen table.<\/p>\n
For years she had treated his memory like a room she was obligated to preserve exactly as he left it.<\/p>\n
Perhaps Robert himself would have hated that.<\/p>\n
"I loved you," she whispered.<\/p>\n
Past tense sounded wrong.<\/p>\n
"I love you."<\/p>\n
That was true.<\/p>\n
She touched the frame.<\/p>\n
"And apparently I'm having coffee with Henry in September."<\/p>\n
Robert remained silent.<\/p>\n
Margaret smiled.<\/p>\n
"Emily says you approved."<\/p>\n
The following weekend Daniel visited.<\/p>\n
He had heard about Henry.<\/p>\n
Of course.<\/p>\n
Margaret blamed Emily.<\/p>\n
Daniel inspected the situation with mock seriousness.<\/p>\n
"What does he do?"<\/p>\n
"Retired teacher."<\/p>\n
"Financial situation?"<\/p>\n
"None of your business."<\/p>\n
"Criminal history?"<\/p>\n
"Daniel."<\/p>\n
"Political views?"<\/p>\n
Margaret pointed toward the door.<\/p>\n
He laughed.<\/p>\n
Then his teasing softened.<\/p>\n
"Are you okay?"<\/p>\n
"Yes."<\/p>\n
"Really?"<\/p>\n
Margaret nodded.<\/p>\n
"I'm trying to be."<\/p>\n
Daniel sat across from her.<\/p>\n
"Dad would want this."<\/p>\n
"Emily told me what he said."<\/p>\n
Daniel smiled.<\/p>\n
"He told me something too."<\/p>\n
Margaret frowned.<\/p>\n
"When?"<\/p>\n
"Years ago."<\/p>\n
"What?"<\/p>\n
Daniel hesitated.<\/p>\n
"After that hospital visit."<\/p>\n
Margaret stared.<\/p>\n
"Did he call everyone?"<\/p>\n
"Apparently."<\/p>\n
"What did he tell you?"<\/p>\n
Daniel looked ashamed.<\/p>\n
"He told me if he died first, I wasn't allowed to turn you into my retirement plan."<\/p>\n
Margaret laughed once.<\/p>\n
Then stopped.<\/p>\n
Daniel continued.<\/p>\n
"I thought he was joking."<\/p>\n
"He wasn't."<\/p>\n
"I know."<\/p>\n
"What exactly did he say?"<\/p>\n
Daniel looked toward the garden.<\/p>\n
"He said, 'Your mother will give you everything if you let her. Loving her means refusing some of it.'"<\/p>\n
Margaret's throat tightened.<\/p>\n
Daniel looked at her.<\/p>\n
"I failed that pretty badly."<\/p>\n
"For a while."<\/p>\n
He smiled sadly.<\/p>\n
"Thanks for softening it."<\/p>\n
"I wasn't."<\/p>\n
They sat quietly.<\/p>\n
Then Margaret said, "You weren't the only one who failed."<\/p>\n
"Mom."<\/p>\n
"I needed you to need me."<\/p>\n
Daniel looked down.<\/p>\n
"We were a terrible team."<\/p>\n
"Highly efficient."<\/p>\n
He laughed.<\/p>\n
Then Margaret asked, "Are you happy at Northbridge?"<\/p>\n
"Mostly."<\/p>\n
"Do you miss the money?"<\/p>\n
"Yes."<\/p>\n
"Good."<\/p>\n
He looked surprised.<\/p>\n
"Good?"<\/p>\n
"Honesty."<\/p>\n
Daniel smiled.<\/p>\n
"I miss the office too."<\/p>\n
"The marble?"<\/p>\n
"That lobby was beautiful."<\/p>\n
Margaret laughed.<\/p>\n
He continued.<\/p>\n
"I miss feeling important."<\/p>\n
That answer cost him something.<\/p>\n
Margaret respected it.<\/p>\n
"Do you feel unimportant now?"<\/p>\n
"Sometimes."<\/p>\n
"Are you?"<\/p>\n
Daniel considered.<\/p>\n
"No."<\/p>\n
"Then perhaps you're learning the difference."<\/p>\n
"Between importance and status?"<\/p>\n
"Exactly."<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
Rachel had recently offered him additional responsibilities.<\/p>\n
No title change.<\/p>\n
No large raise.<\/p>\n
Actual responsibility.<\/p>\n
Months earlier he would have found that insulting.<\/p>\n
Now he accepted.<\/p>\n
"I think I like being useful," Daniel said.<\/p>\n
Margaret raised an eyebrow.<\/p>\n
"Careful."<\/p>\n
"Different kind."<\/p>\n
"I hope so."<\/p>\n
He smiled.<\/p>\n
At the end of May, Sarah called Margaret.<\/p>\n
Not for advice.<\/p>\n
"Would you like lunch?"<\/p>\n
Margaret was surprised.<\/p>\n
"Just us?"<\/p>\n
"That was the idea."<\/p>\n
They returned to the restaurant where they had eaten Thanksgiving dinner.<\/p>\n
This time neither was nervous enough to rehearse.<\/p>\n
Sarah looked healthier.<\/p>\n
Still guarded.<\/p>\n
But lighter.<\/p>\n
"How's Richard?" Margaret asked.<\/p>\n
Sarah looked surprised.<\/p>\n
"You can say Dad."<\/p>\n
"I know."<\/p>\n
Sarah stirred her tea.<\/p>\n
"We've had three meetings."<\/p>\n
"And?"<\/p>\n
"One good. One terrible. One okay."<\/p>\n
"Sounds human."<\/p>\n
Sarah smiled.<\/p>\n
"He started therapy."<\/p>\n
Margaret nearly dropped her fork.<\/p>\n
"Richard?"<\/p>\n
"Apparently therapists accept difficult clients."<\/p>\n
Margaret laughed.<\/p>\n
"Voluntarily?"<\/p>\n
Sarah shrugged.<\/p>\n
"He says yes."<\/p>\n
"You don't believe him?"<\/p>\n
"I don't know."<\/p>\n
Margaret nodded.<\/p>\n
Sarah continued.<\/p>\n
"He asked whether he could apologize to you."<\/p>\n
Margaret's expression changed.<\/p>\n
"Why?"<\/p>\n
"Because he thinks he owes you one."<\/p>\n
"He does."<\/p>\n
Sarah laughed.<\/p>\n
"That's what I told him."<\/p>\n
Margaret looked out the window.<\/p>\n
"Do you want me to meet him?"<\/p>\n
Sarah thought carefully.<\/p>\n
"No."<\/p>\n
That answer surprised Margaret.<\/p>\n
"Why not?"<\/p>\n
"Because I'm trying to stop managing everybody."<\/p>\n
Margaret smiled.<\/p>\n
"Good answer."<\/p>\n
"If he wants to apologize, he can contact you himself."<\/p>\n
"And if I refuse?"<\/p>\n
"That's between you and him."<\/p>\n
Margaret lifted her glass.<\/p>\n
"Look at us."<\/p>\n
Sarah laughed.<\/p>\n
They ate.<\/p>\n
Near the end, Sarah became serious.<\/p>\n
"Margaret."<\/p>\n
"Yes?"<\/p>\n
"I need to tell you something."<\/p>\n
Margaret waited.<\/p>\n
"I was jealous of you."<\/p>\n
"Of me?"<\/p>\n
Sarah nodded.<\/p>\n
"Before Thanksgiving."<\/p>\n
"Why?"<\/p>\n
"Daniel trusted you in a way he didn't trust anyone else."<\/p>\n
Margaret almost objected.<\/p>\n
Sarah continued.<\/p>\n
"Whenever something went wrong, he called you."<\/p>\n
"Because I solved it."<\/p>\n
"I know that now."<\/p>\n
Sarah looked embarrassed.<\/p>\n
"But at the time, I thought it meant I would always be second."<\/p>\n
Margaret absorbed that.<\/p>\n
"So Richard excluding me felt convenient."<\/p>\n
Sarah nodded.<\/p>\n
"Yes."<\/p>\n
Margaret appreciated the honesty even when it hurt.<\/p>\n
"Did Daniel know?"<\/p>\n
"No."<\/p>\n
"Have you told him?"<\/p>\n
"Not yet."<\/p>\n
"Why tell me first?"<\/p>\n
Sarah looked directly at her.<\/p>\n
"Because I wanted to apologize without making Daniel explain me."<\/p>\n
Margaret sat back.<\/p>\n
That was new.<\/p>\n
No intermediary.<\/p>\n
No triangulation.<\/p>\n
No son translating wife to mother.<\/p>\n
"Thank you."<\/p>\n
Sarah nodded.<\/p>\n
Margaret continued.<\/p>\n
"I was jealous too."<\/p>\n
Sarah blinked.<\/p>\n
"Of me?"<\/p>\n
"Yes."<\/p>\n
"Why?"<\/p>\n
"You became the person Daniel built his daily life around."<\/p>\n
"You're his mother."<\/p>\n
"Emotions aren't always logical."<\/p>\n
Sarah smiled faintly.<\/p>\n
Margaret continued.<\/p>\n
"When he married you, part of me knew I was supposed to move sideways."<\/p>\n
"Sideways?"<\/p>\n
"From being central to being important."<\/p>\n
Sarah considered the phrase.<\/p>\n
"I didn't do it gracefully."<\/p>\n
"You gave us a house."<\/p>\n
Margaret laughed.<\/p>\n
"Exactly."<\/p>\n
They both understood.<\/p>\n
Generosity had been tangled with fear.<\/p>\n
Sarah's exclusion had been tangled with jealousy.<\/p>\n
Daniel's passivity had been tangled with dependency.<\/p>\n
Richard's control had been tangled with love distorted by certainty.<\/p>\n
Nothing was simple.<\/p>\n
That did not make everything excusable.<\/p>\n
It made change possible.<\/p>\n
When lunch ended, Sarah paid.<\/p>\n
Margaret did not argue.<\/p>\n
Outside, Sarah hugged her.<\/p>\n
This time Margaret hugged back immediately.<\/p>\n
Driving home, Margaret thought about the strange architecture of family.<\/p>\n
People could love one another and still construct cages.<\/p>\n
They could hurt one another without planning cruelty.<\/p>\n
They could call control protection.<\/p>\n
Dependence generosity.<\/p>\n
Fear loyalty.<\/p>\n
Sometimes the hardest part was not escaping the cage.<\/p>\n
It was admitting you had helped build it.<\/p>\n
That evening Henry called.<\/p>\n
They talked about Maine.<\/p>\n
For the first time Margaret told him the entire story of the house.<\/p>\n
He listened.<\/p>\n
When she finished, he said, "That's a hell of a Thanksgiving."<\/p>\n
Margaret laughed.<\/p>\n
"That's your analysis?"<\/p>\n
"I'm retired."<\/p>\n
"From teaching, not thinking."<\/p>\n
Henry chuckled.<\/p>\n
Then he asked, "Do you regret taking the house back?"<\/p>\n
Margaret looked toward Robert's framed letter.<\/p>\n
"No."<\/p>\n
"Do you regret buying it?"<\/p>\n
She paused.<\/p>\n
That answer was harder.<\/p>\n
"Yes and no."<\/p>\n
"Helpful."<\/p>\n
Margaret smiled.<\/p>\n
"I regret what I thought it could purchase."<\/p>\n
"Which was?"<\/p>\n
"Security. Gratitude. closeness. Maybe proof that my son still needed me."<\/p>\n
Henry remained quiet.<\/p>\n
Margaret continued.<\/p>\n
"But if I hadn't done it, I might never have seen what we had become."<\/p>\n
"So expensive tuition."<\/p>\n
"Very."<\/p>\n
Henry laughed.<\/p>\n
Before hanging up, he said, "I booked Maine."<\/p>\n
Margaret's heartbeat changed.<\/p>\n
"When?"<\/p>\n
"September twelfth through nineteenth."<\/p>\n
She looked at her calendar.<\/p>\n
"I see."<\/p>\n
"No pressure."<\/p>\n
"I know."<\/p>\n
"If you decide not to come, I'll still look up at buildings."<\/p>\n
Margaret smiled.<\/p>\n
"Good night, Henry."<\/p>\n
"Good night."<\/p>\n
She ended the call.<\/p>\n
Then she opened her laptop.<\/p>\n
The Maine trip she had bookmarked was still available.<\/p>\n
For a long time she stared at the dates.<\/p>\n
September twelfth through nineteenth.<\/p>\n
Exactly the same week.<\/p>\n
Margaret's finger rested on the trackpad.<\/p>\n
This time, guilt did not arrive first.<\/p>\n
Curiosity did.<\/p>\n
She booked the trip.<\/p>\n
Margaret deleted her reply to Henry six times. The first sounded too eager. The second sounded like a bank refusing a loan. The third was three paragraphs long and somehow … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":23363,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-23378","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-insightdrama"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23378","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=23378"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23378\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":23413,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23378\/revisions\/23413"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/23363"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=23378"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=23378"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=23378"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}