The first anniversary of Dad\u2019s death approached quietly.<\/p>\n
I knew the date.<\/p>\n
I pretended I did not.<\/p>\n
Work helped.<\/p>\n
Deadlines.<\/p>\n
Meetings.<\/p>\n
An author who changed an entire manuscript five days before production.<\/p>\n
By Wednesday, I had almost convinced myself September was just a month.<\/p>\n
Then Alyssa called.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know Friday is\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay.\u201d<\/p>\n
Silence.<\/p>\n
I waited.<\/p>\n
\u201cGrandma wants dinner.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat was fast.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t want an anniversary dinner.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNeither do I.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen tell her no.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI did.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe changed it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTo what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLunch.\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat woman.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not flying to Ohio for a grief meal.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay.\u201d<\/p>\n
Another silence.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNothing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAlyssa.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI was going to ask if you wanted to come anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot for Dad.\u201d<\/p>\n
That made me pause.<\/p>\n
\u201cFor what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe tree.\u201d<\/p>\n
I smiled despite myself.<\/p>\n
The maple sapling.<\/p>\n
It had survived summer.<\/p>\n
Grandma sent photographs every few weeks, usually badly framed.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat about it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought we could put Mom\u2019s sisters ornament on it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cElaine\u2019s?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
The old childhood ornament.<\/p>\n
SISTERS.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGrandma saved it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe wants to hang it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIn September?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSeasonal rules are apparently flexible after seventy.\u201d<\/p>\n
I considered.<\/p>\n
Alyssa said, \u201cYou don\u2019t have to.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m going.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThomas might stop by.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMom won\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
That interested me.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe said the day should belong to Dad\u2019s children and mother.\u201d<\/p>\n
That was thoughtful.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you ask her not to come?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
Another sign of change.<\/p>\n
Still, I hesitated.<\/p>\n
Anniversary rituals made me uncomfortable.<\/p>\n
They could become obligations.<\/p>\n
Proof of grief.<\/p>\n
Proof of love.<\/p>\n
Dad\u2019s video had warned us against that.<\/p>\n
Then I asked myself the question Mom wanted me to learn.<\/p>\n
What do I want?<\/p>\n
I wanted to see Grandma.<\/p>\n
I wanted to see Alyssa.<\/p>\n
I wanted to see the stupid tree.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
Alyssa sounded surprised.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll tell Grandma.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTell her I\u2019m not attending a memorial.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAbsolutely.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd no speeches.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAgreed.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo slideshow.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll confiscate her laptop.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGood.\u201d<\/p>\n
Friday morning, I drove instead of flying.<\/p>\n
Five hours.<\/p>\n
Too long.<\/p>\n
Useful.<\/p>\n
Road travel gave memory somewhere to move.<\/p>\n
I passed exits I remembered from childhood trips.<\/p>\n
Restaurants closed decades ago.<\/p>\n
A gas station Dad always chose because he believed their coffee was somehow superior.<\/p>\n
It was not.<\/p>\n
I stopped anyway.<\/p>\n
Bought one.<\/p>\n
Terrible.<\/p>\n
I laughed alone in the car.<\/p>\n
That was grief now.<\/p>\n
Not always tears.<\/p>\n
Sometimes bad coffee and sudden affection.<\/p>\n
Grandma\u2019s driveway was full when I arrived.<\/p>\n
Alyssa\u2019s car.<\/p>\n
Marianne\u2019s.<\/p>\n
One I did not recognize.<\/p>\n
I narrowed my eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo memorial.\u201d<\/p>\n
Grandma opened the door before I knocked.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt isn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy are there people?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou have become suspicious.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWith cause.\u201d<\/p>\n
She hugged me.<\/p>\n
Inside, Alyssa waved.<\/p>\n
Marianne sat at the kitchen table.<\/p>\n
The unknown car belonged to Rachel.<\/p>\n
I stared.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you doing here?\u201d<\/p>\n
She smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cRoad trip.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at Alyssa.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou invited my friend?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe invited herself when I mentioned you were driving.\u201d<\/p>\n
Rachel hugged me.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re welcome.\u201d<\/p>\n
I almost cried.<\/p>\n
Instead, I said, \u201cI hate all of you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHealthy expression.\u201d<\/p>\n
Lunch was sandwiches.<\/p>\n
Nothing ceremonial.<\/p>\n
No black clothes.<\/p>\n
No photograph of Dad in the center.<\/p>\n
Grandma did not make a toast.<\/p>\n
I relaxed.<\/p>\n
Thomas arrived later.<\/p>\n
He brought pie.<\/p>\n
Grandma inspected it.<\/p>\n
\u201cStore-bought.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, ma\u2019am.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGood.\u201d<\/p>\n
Thomas looked confused.<\/p>\n
Alyssa explained.<\/p>\n
\u201cGrandma hates people who bring homemade food she has to compliment.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCorrect.\u201d<\/p>\n
Grandma took the pie.<\/p>\n
Thomas sat.<\/p>\n
His presence felt less strange than I expected.<\/p>\n
Not family exactly.<\/p>\n
Not outsider exactly.<\/p>\n
A person connected.<\/p>\n
That was enough.<\/p>\n
Vivian sent no message until afternoon.<\/p>\n
Then Alyssa showed me privately.<\/p>\n
Thinking of you both today. No need to reply.<\/p>\n
Good.<\/p>\n
No emotional demand.<\/p>\n
Alyssa did not reply immediately.<\/p>\n
Neither did I.<\/p>\n
That was also okay.<\/p>\n
After lunch, Grandma led us outside.<\/p>\n
The maple had doubled in height.<\/p>\n
Still small.<\/p>\n
Still ridiculous compared with the original.<\/p>\n
But unmistakably growing.<\/p>\n
She had tied the SISTERS ornament to a branch with weather-resistant ribbon.<\/p>\n
I laughed.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou already did it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou took too long.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy invite us?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTo admire my work.\u201d<\/p>\n
Alyssa touched the ornament.<\/p>\n
The crayon girls were faded.<\/p>\n
One had brown hair.<\/p>\n
One yellow.<\/p>\n
Neither resembled us.<\/p>\n
Above them, SISTERS remained visible.<\/p>\n
Rachel stood farther away.<\/p>\n
Giving space.<\/p>\n
Thomas too.<\/p>\n
Marianne watched with wet eyes.<\/p>\n
Grandma said, \u201cYour father kept this ornament every year.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at her.<\/p>\n
\u201cReally?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEven after I left?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid he hang it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot always.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cVivian stopped using some older ornaments.\u201d<\/p>\n
I felt anger flicker.<\/p>\n
Then settle.<\/p>\n
Vivian had packed it eventually.<\/p>\n
It survived.<\/p>\n
The object did not need another trial.<\/p>\n
Alyssa took my hand.<\/p>\n
We stood beneath the tree.<\/p>\n
No speech.<\/p>\n
Exactly what I wanted.<\/p>\n
Then Grandma ruined it.<\/p>\n
\u201cWilliam would have liked this.\u201d<\/p>\n
I groaned.<\/p>\n
\u201cGrandma.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo Dad narration.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m eighty-one.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re seventy-eight.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cClose enough.\u201d<\/p>\n
We laughed.<\/p>\n
Later, I walked alone toward the back fence.<\/p>\n
Marianne followed.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan I talk to you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
She held out an envelope.<\/p>\n
I stared.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
She laughed.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s a receipt.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cStill suspicious.\u201d<\/p>\n
She handed it over.<\/p>\n
Final repayment schedule confirmation.<\/p>\n
She had accelerated payments after selling an investment.<\/p>\n
Her debt to me would be fully repaid within another year.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou didn\u2019t have to show me this.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI wanted to.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo you know I\u2019m doing it.\u201d<\/p>\n
I understood.<\/p>\n
Not asking praise.<\/p>\n
Providing accountability.<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n
She nodded.<\/p>\n
Then said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry about Chicago.\u201d<\/p>\n
We had discussed it before.<\/p>\n
Still, something about the anniversary made it heavier.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI think about that day constantly.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat sounds unhealthy.\u201d<\/p>\n
She smiled sadly.<\/p>\n
\u201cProbably.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTherapy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAlready there.\u201d<\/p>\n
I raised an eyebrow.<\/p>\n
\u201cFamily discount?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cApparently.\u201d<\/p>\n
We laughed.<\/p>\n
Then Marianne became serious.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf I had told William the truth\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
I stopped her.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
She blinked.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019re not doing alternate timelines.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
I had spent enough years imagining the forty yards Dad did not cross.<\/p>\n
Imagining Marianne making another choice.<\/p>\n
Dad driving back.<\/p>\n
Me opening a door.<\/p>\n
Maybe reconciliation.<\/p>\n
Maybe divorce.<\/p>\n
Maybe new conflict.<\/p>\n
Imaginary lives could consume real ones.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou did what you did.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDad did what he did.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI did what I did.\u201d<\/p>\n
She looked surprised.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI left.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou had to.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI also ignored some cards.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat was your right.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
The point was not blame.<\/p>\n
The point was reality.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe live from here.\u201d<\/p>\n
Marianne nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay.\u201d<\/p>\n
That evening, after everyone left, I stayed at Grandma\u2019s.<\/p>\n
Alyssa too.<\/p>\n
We sat on the porch.<\/p>\n
No wine.<\/p>\n
Tea.<\/p>\n
Grandma slept.<\/p>\n
The yard was dark except for a small light near the maple.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou okay?\u201d Alyssa asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cActually?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMe too.\u201d<\/p>\n
That surprised us both.<\/p>\n
A year earlier, Dad was alive.<\/p>\n
Barely.<\/p>\n
We did not know he would die that night.<\/p>\n
Alyssa had spoken to him.<\/p>\n
I had not.<\/p>\n
That difference still existed.<\/p>\n
It no longer defined our relationship.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat was your last conversation?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
Alyssa stared into her tea.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019ve never asked.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSure?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
She thought.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe complained about hospital oatmeal.\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMostly.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNothing profound?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe told me to go home.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe said I looked awful.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAccurate?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cProbably.\u201d<\/p>\n
She smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen he said he loved me.\u201d<\/p>\n
My throat tightened.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI said I loved him too.\u201d<\/p>\n
Simple.<\/p>\n
Ordinary.<\/p>\n
The goodbye I did not get.<\/p>\n
I let myself feel jealousy.<\/p>\n
Then let it pass.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m glad.\u201d<\/p>\n
Alyssa looked at me carefully.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
That was true.<\/p>\n
I did not need her last conversation to be worse so mine would hurt less.<\/p>\n
She leaned back.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat was your last conversation?\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed softly.<\/p>\n
\u201cBirthday voicemail.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEight months before.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did he say?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHappy birthday. Hope Chicago is treating you well. Call if you want.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
She nodded.<\/p>\n
No judgment.<\/p>\n
I had not wanted to.<\/p>\n
Or had been afraid.<\/p>\n
Or angry.<\/p>\n
Or accustomed to silence.<\/p>\n
Probably all.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you regret it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWould you change it?\u201d<\/p>\n
I thought.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n
That answer was honest.<\/p>\n
Calling might have reopened everything before I was ready.<\/p>\n
Or maybe it would have saved time.<\/p>\n
No one could know.<\/p>\n
Alternate timeline closed.<\/p>\n
We sat quietly.<\/p>\n
Then Alyssa said, \u201cI\u2019ve been thinking about changing my name.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at her.<\/p>\n
\u201cTo Thomas\u2019s?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat then?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJust Alyssa Harper.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s already your name.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cExactly.\u201d<\/p>\n
I frowned.<\/p>\n
She laughed.<\/p>\n
\u201cI mean emotionally.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat is not a legal process.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
She explained.<\/p>\n
For months, she had wondered whether keeping Harper was dishonest because Dad was not biological.<\/p>\n
Then wondered whether changing it to Thomas\u2019s would be more honest.<\/p>\n
Eventually, she realized both thoughts assumed biology decided legitimacy.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m Harper because Dad raised me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd because I want to be.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot because DNA says so.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCorrect.\u201d<\/p>\n
She smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat took a while.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEverything does.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then she asked, \u201cDo you ever wish you had Mom\u2019s last name instead?\u201d<\/p>\n
Elaine had kept Harper after divorce for professional reasons.<\/p>\n
So technically it was the same.<\/p>\n
We laughed when we realized.<\/p>\n
\u201cTerrible example.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cVery.\u201d<\/p>\n
Alyssa leaned her head against the chair.<\/p>\n
\u201cI think Dad would have liked that we\u2019re still sisters.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at her.<\/p>\n
Then toward the maple.<\/p>\n
\u201cProbably.\u201d<\/p>\n
I allowed it.<\/p>\n
Not because Dad\u2019s imagined approval mattered.<\/p>\n
Because sometimes remembering what a dead person might have enjoyed was simply affection.<\/p>\n
No control attached.<\/p>\n
Later, before sleeping, I checked my email.<\/p>\n
Open Door\u2019s second-year application pool had increased dramatically.<\/p>\n
The foundation asked whether we wanted to expand funding.<\/p>\n
I forwarded it to Alyssa.<\/p>\n
She replied from the guest room across the hall.<\/p>\n
Yes.<\/p>\n
I texted:<\/p>\n
We should review finances first.<\/p>\n
She responded:<\/p>\n
Look at you being responsible.<\/p>\n
I typed:<\/p>\n
Dad would be\u2014<\/p>\n
Deleted it.<\/p>\n
Then laughed.<\/p>\n
Alyssa called through the wall.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNothing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLiar.\u201d<\/p>\n
We were still learning.<\/p>\n
That was fine.<\/p>\n
The first anniversary of Dad\u2019s death approached quietly. I knew the date. I pretended I did not. Work helped. Deadlines. Meetings. An author who changed an entire manuscript five days … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":23271,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-23323","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-insightdrama"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23323","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=23323"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23323\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":23358,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23323\/revisions\/23358"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/23271"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=23323"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=23323"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=23323"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}