I did not move.<\/p>\n
Neither did Kate.<\/p>\n
Paige lay between us in the hospital crib, one leg immobilized, her tiny fingers still wrapped around Kate\u2019s index finger.<\/p>\n
The room seemed too bright.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat will he do?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
Kate flinched.<\/p>\n
\u201cLower your voice.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI am.\u201d<\/p>\n
She looked toward the door.<\/p>\n
The officer outside had moved farther down the corridor with Ryan. Dana was speaking to a nurse near the station.<\/p>\n
For the first time all day, nobody stood within immediate hearing distance.<\/p>\n
\u201cKate.\u201d<\/p>\n
She shook her head.<\/p>\n
\u201cI shouldn\u2019t have said that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut you did.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m tired.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat wasn\u2019t exhaustion.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDrop it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
Her eyes snapped toward mine.<\/p>\n
I had seen Kate angry before.<\/p>\n
This was not anger.<\/p>\n
This was panic dressed as anger because panic felt too dangerous to show.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou asked me to babysit Paige this morning.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou said I was the one person you trusted.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI needed help.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen trust me now.\u201d<\/p>\n
Her chin trembled.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t understand.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen explain it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Kate looked at Paige.<\/p>\n
For a long moment, she said nothing.<\/p>\n
Then, quietly, \u201cRyan loses his temper.\u201d<\/p>\n
My stomach tightened.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe yells.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAt you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAt Paige?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s a baby.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s not an answer.\u201d<\/p>\n
Kate rubbed her thumb gently across Paige\u2019s knuckles.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe gets frustrated when she cries.\u201d<\/p>\n
Every sentence had to be pulled from her.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat does frustrated mean?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe walks away sometimes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s normal.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo what aren\u2019t you saying?\u201d<\/p>\n
Kate exhaled sharply.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe grabs things. Slams doors. Threw his phone once.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAt you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNear you?\u201d<\/p>\n
She hesitated.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMonths ago.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBefore Paige was born?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHas he ever hit you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
Too fast.<\/p>\n
I waited.<\/p>\n
Kate\u2019s gaze dropped.<\/p>\n
\u201cNot exactly.\u201d<\/p>\n
My throat tightened.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat does not exactly mean?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s grabbed my arms.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow hard?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAlly.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow hard?\u201d<\/p>\n
Her voice broke.<\/p>\n
\u201cHard enough.\u201d<\/p>\n
For a moment, I saw my sister differently.<\/p>\n
Not because she seemed weak.<\/p>\n
Because suddenly I understood all the ordinary scenes I might have misread.<\/p>\n
Kate canceling dinners at the last minute.<\/p>\n
Kate wearing long sleeves in warm weather.<\/p>\n
Ryan answering questions directed at her.<\/p>\n
Kate laughing too quickly whenever he made cutting jokes.<\/p>\n
I had noticed pieces.<\/p>\n
I had never arranged them into a picture.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy didn\u2019t you tell me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t think you know everything about everyone?\u201d<\/p>\n
The accusation landed.<\/p>\n
\u201cI would have helped you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou would have tried.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s the difference?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou would have confronted him.\u201d<\/p>\n
I wanted to deny it.<\/p>\n
I could not.<\/p>\n
Kate knew me.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou would\u2019ve marched into our house and told him exactly what you thought,\u201d she continued. \u201cThen what? You go home with Ben. I stay there.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot if I knew you were unsafe.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t understand how complicated it gets.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen come home with us now.\u201d<\/p>\n
She laughed once.<\/p>\n
There was no humor in it.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd Paige?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWith you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf they let me keep her.\u201d<\/p>\n
Her eyes filled.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s the point, Ally. I didn\u2019t say anything because every time I thought about leaving, I thought about custody.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at her.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe told you he\u2019d take Paige?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe said if I ever tried to keep her from him, he\u2019d prove I was unstable.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBased on what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMy postpartum anxiety.\u201d<\/p>\n
The phrase hit me.<\/p>\n
Kate had struggled after Paige\u2019s birth.<\/p>\n
I knew that much.<\/p>\n
Sleep deprivation.<\/p>\n
Panic.<\/p>\n
Calling Mom at two in the morning because she thought Paige had stopped breathing.<\/p>\n
But I had thought it improved.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you see a therapist?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThree times.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s not instability.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you take medication?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFor a few weeks.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat doesn\u2019t make you an unfit mother.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTell Ryan that.\u201d<\/p>\n
Her bitterness startled me.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe said he had screenshots of messages I sent when I hadn\u2019t slept for three days. He said he\u2019d tell a judge I was dangerous.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cKate, that\u2019s not how custody works.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know that now.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNow?\u201d<\/p>\n
She nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cI talked to someone.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWho?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA lawyer.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTwo weeks ago.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou were planning to leave.\u201d<\/p>\n
She looked away.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
A dozen questions collided.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid Ryan know?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t think so.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you tell the lawyer he scared you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you tell them about Paige?\u201d<\/p>\n
Kate went silent.<\/p>\n
\u201cKate.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI told her Ryan got too rough sometimes.\u201d<\/p>\n
My skin turned cold.<\/p>\n
\u201cWith Paige?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe would pick her up fast when she cried.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow fast?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cToo fast.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you ever see him hurt her?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you ever hear something?\u201d<\/p>\n
She shut her eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe night before that Sunday dinner.\u201d<\/p>\n
My pulse quickened.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat happened?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPaige wouldn\u2019t settle. It was around two in the morning. I\u2019d already been up with her for hours. Ryan said he\u2019d take over.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI fell asleep.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFor how long?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe forty minutes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat woke you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPaige screaming.\u201d<\/p>\n
The hospital room seemed to narrow.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat kind of screaming?\u201d<\/p>\n
Kate looked at me.<\/p>\n
She knew why I was asking.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe kind she made today.\u201d<\/p>\n
I felt sick.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou went to her?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did you see?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRyan holding her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAgainst his chest.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWas he angry?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe said she had startled herself awake.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you believe him?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI wanted to.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s not what I asked.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat happened after?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI took her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe kept crying.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you take her to a doctor?\u201d<\/p>\n
Kate\u2019s face collapsed.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
I closed my eyes.<\/p>\n
I loved my sister.<\/p>\n
In that moment, I was furious with her.<\/p>\n
Not abstractly.<\/p>\n
Not gently.<\/p>\n
Furious enough that my hands shook.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe settled after a while.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe had a broken rib.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t know that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou knew something was wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI knew she was crying.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou knew Ryan scared you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou knew he\u2019d been rough.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cKate, she couldn\u2019t tell you what happened.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
The words came louder.<\/p>\n
Paige stirred.<\/p>\n
We both stopped.<\/p>\n
Kate bent over the crib.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know,\u201d she whispered again, this time to the baby.<\/p>\n
The anger inside me did not disappear.<\/p>\n
It changed shape.<\/p>\n
I could see my sister\u2019s guilt consuming her.<\/p>\n
That did not erase what she failed to do.<\/p>\n
But it did explain why she had been acting like someone standing on a trapdoor.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat about this morning?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
Kate\u2019s entire body stiffened.<\/p>\n
There it was.<\/p>\n
The second truth.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat happened before you came to my house?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNothing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t do that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAlly\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou just told me Ryan has grabbed you, threatened custody, handled Paige roughly, and was alone with her before the night she screamed. Don\u2019t lie now.\u201d<\/p>\n
Kate looked at the door.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe was with her this morning.\u201d<\/p>\n
I felt my stomach drop.<\/p>\n
\u201cFor how long?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe twenty minutes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere were you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIn the shower.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did you hear?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCrying.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRight before I got out.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNormal crying?\u201d<\/p>\n
She said nothing.<\/p>\n
\u201cKate.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
The answer barely existed.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat happened when you came out?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRyan was dressing her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIn the green sleeper?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy was he dressing her?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019d spit up.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere were the clothes she\u2019d been wearing before?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIn the laundry.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you see her legs?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. He\u2019d already put the sleeper on.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did he say?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat she was being impossible.\u201d<\/p>\n
I gripped the side rail of the crib.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you notice she wasn\u2019t moving her left leg?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe was crying. I thought she was tired.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you hold her?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid she scream?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOnce.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen I moved her into the car seat.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at my sister.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo before you ever reached my house, she screamed when her leg moved.\u201d<\/p>\n
Kate started crying.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
Everything inside me went cold.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou knew something was wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI suspected.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou still brought her to me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI panicked.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy not the hospital?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, you do.\u201d<\/p>\n
She pressed her palms over her face.<\/p>\n
\u201cI needed time to think.\u201d<\/p>\n
My voice dropped.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou left an injured baby with me so you could think?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. I thought maybe I was imagining it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cKate.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought if you noticed something too\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
I stepped back.<\/p>\n
The meaning was worse than I expected.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou wanted me to confirm it.\u201d<\/p>\n
She sobbed.<\/p>\n
\u201cI wanted someone else to see her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen why did you go shopping?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe didn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
I froze.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe never went shopping.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere did you go?\u201d<\/p>\n
Kate lowered her hands.<\/p>\n
\u201cTo talk.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou and Ryan?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAbout what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLeaving.\u201d<\/p>\n
The answer stunned me.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou told him you were leaving?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot exactly.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat exactly?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI told him things couldn\u2019t keep going like this.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAfter we dropped Paige off.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did he say?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe knew.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cKnew what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat I\u2019d talked to a lawyer.\u201d<\/p>\n
The pieces shifted violently.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid he threaten you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot directly.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did he say?\u201d<\/p>\n
Kate looked toward the door again.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe said if I destroyed his life, he\u2019d make sure everyone knew what kind of mother I really was.\u201d<\/p>\n
A sick chill moved through me.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd then he suggested I hurt Paige?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe didn\u2019t have to.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at her.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou thought he might frame you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo you said nothing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t know what to do.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou could have called me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI did.\u201d<\/p>\n
The words stopped me.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou called me to babysit.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd you told me I was the one person you trusted to make the call if she got too fussy.\u201d<\/p>\n
Kate began crying harder.<\/p>\n
I remembered the sentence on my doorstep.<\/p>\n
At the time it had sounded loving.<\/p>\n
Now I understood.<\/p>\n
She had been asking me to notice.<\/p>\n
Maybe even asking me to do what she was too frightened to do.<\/p>\n
I was still angry.<\/p>\n
But now the anger had somewhere else to go.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid Ryan know Paige was injured when you left her with me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou need to tell Dana all of this.\u201d<\/p>\n
Kate\u2019s head snapped up.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019ll say I\u2019m lying.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLet him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019ll say I did it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen investigators can decide.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t understand.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, Kate. You don\u2019t understand.\u201d<\/p>\n
I pointed toward Paige.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis already stopped being about protecting yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n
Her face went still.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou were scared before. I understand that. But she has two fractures.\u201d<\/p>\n
Kate covered her mouth.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t get to protect Ryan from consequences because you\u2019re afraid of what he\u2019ll say.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not protecting him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re protecting the silence he depends on.\u201d<\/p>\n
She stared at me.<\/p>\n
For several seconds, neither of us spoke.<\/p>\n
Then a shadow appeared in the window beside the door.<\/p>\n
Ryan.<\/p>\n
He had returned.<\/p>\n
I did not know how long he had been standing there.<\/p>\n
But the expression on his face told me he had heard enough.<\/p>\n
I did not move. Neither did Kate. Paige lay between us in the hospital crib, one leg immobilized, her tiny fingers still wrapped around Kate\u2019s index finger. The room seemed … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":21751,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-21757","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-insightdrama"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21757","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=21757"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21757\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":21792,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21757\/revisions\/21792"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/21751"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=21757"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=21757"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=21757"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}