Harold\u2019s discharge date was set for a Thursday.<\/p>\n
Greg learned on Monday.<\/p>\n
He read the message twice.<\/p>\n
Then handed me the phone.<\/p>\n
I smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s wonderful.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
He sounded miserable.<\/p>\n
I looked at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou are allowed to hate wonderful news.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat seems morally questionable.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s human.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg sat at the kitchen table.<\/p>\n
Walter slept nearby.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s going to an assisted-living apartment.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWith Walter?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
I smiled wider.<\/p>\n
Greg nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cPet-friendly.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s excellent.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA ground-floor unit.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHarold\u2019s daughter arranged dog walking twice a day.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou sound like you\u2019re reading your own indictment.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg rubbed his face.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey did everything right.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo there\u2019s no reason\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at Walter.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo reason to keep him.\u201d<\/p>\n
There it was.<\/p>\n
Not a tragedy.<\/p>\n
Not a medical crisis.<\/p>\n
No uncertainty left to hide behind.<\/p>\n
The best outcome had happened.<\/p>\n
Harold had recovered enough.<\/p>\n
A suitable home had been found.<\/p>\n
Walter could return to his person.<\/p>\n
Greg should have been delighted.<\/p>\n
Instead, he spent Monday evening reorganizing the dog\u2019s supplies.<\/p>\n
He washed the food bowls.<\/p>\n
Then washed them again.<\/p>\n
He labeled medication.<\/p>\n
I watched for twenty minutes.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou realize Harold already owned Walter for eleven years.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe probably knows which bowl is for food.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThis one has a crack.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGreg.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m replacing it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re stress-shopping for a beagle.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe needs a safe bowl.\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed.<\/p>\n
Greg did not.<\/p>\n
Then he sighed.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
He put the old bowl back.<\/p>\n
Tuesday, Walter followed Greg everywhere.<\/p>\n
That did not help.<\/p>\n
Bathroom door.<\/p>\n
Garage.<\/p>\n
Mailbox.<\/p>\n
If Greg sat, Walter leaned against his leg.<\/p>\n
If he stood, Walter stood.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou understand he may do this because you have cheese.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe loves me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBoth can be true.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg glared.<\/p>\n
I smiled.<\/p>\n
Wednesday night, Greg slept badly.<\/p>\n
At three, I found him awake beside me.<\/p>\n
At least he had not left.<\/p>\n
\u201cThinking?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRegret agreeing?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWant to steal Walter and move to Canada?\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg turned.<\/p>\n
\u201cBriefly.\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed.<\/p>\n
Then he became serious.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat if Walter thinks I abandoned him?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe won\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s been here over a month.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe sleeps beside my chair.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe waits for me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe trusts me.\u201d<\/p>\n
I touched Greg\u2019s arm.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s why he was safe here.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cNot because you were supposed to become permanent.\u201d<\/p>\n
He closed his eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
In the morning, he packed Walter\u2019s things into two bags.<\/p>\n
He included the new bowl.<\/p>\n
I did not mention it.<\/p>\n
Harold\u2019s daughter met us at the assisted-living community.<\/p>\n
The apartment was small but bright.<\/p>\n
A bed near the window.<\/p>\n
A television.<\/p>\n
A kitchenette.<\/p>\n
A basket already filled with dog toys.<\/p>\n
Greg inspected everything without appearing to.<\/p>\n
I caught him checking the balcony railing.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou are not subtle.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGap width matters.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWalter is not a ferret.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou never know.\u201d<\/p>\n
I walked away.<\/p>\n
Then Harold arrived.<\/p>\n
He moved slowly with a cane.<\/p>\n
Walter saw him before Harold reached the doorway.<\/p>\n
The dog erupted.<\/p>\n
Barking.<\/p>\n
Whining.<\/p>\n
Pulling so hard Greg almost dropped the leash.<\/p>\n
Harold laughed.<\/p>\n
\u201cLet him go.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg released the clip.<\/p>\n
Walter ran.<\/p>\n
Not elegantly.<\/p>\n
He was old and overweight.<\/p>\n
But he ran.<\/p>\n
Straight to Harold.<\/p>\n
The dog pressed against his legs.<\/p>\n
Harold lowered himself carefully into a chair.<\/p>\n
Walter climbed as far into his lap as his body allowed.<\/p>\n
Everyone laughed and cried at the same time.<\/p>\n
Greg stood near the door.<\/p>\n
His hands were empty.<\/p>\n
I watched him.<\/p>\n
He watched Walter.<\/p>\n
Harold looked up.<\/p>\n
\u201cCome here.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg hesitated.<\/p>\n
Then crossed the room.<\/p>\n
Harold held out his hand.<\/p>\n
Greg shook it.<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou already said that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot enough.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg swallowed.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe hates peanut butter.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI told you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI wasted a month.\u201d<\/p>\n
Harold smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe forgives easy.\u201d<\/p>\n
Walter looked at Greg.<\/p>\n
His tail thumped.<\/p>\n
Greg crouched.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey.\u201d<\/p>\n
Walter came over.<\/p>\n
For one second I thought Greg might lose control.<\/p>\n
He put both hands around the dog\u2019s face.<\/p>\n
Walter licked his chin.<\/p>\n
Greg laughed.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re disgusting.\u201d<\/p>\n
Walter wagged harder.<\/p>\n
Greg leaned his forehead against the dog\u2019s head.<\/p>\n
\u201cBe good.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then he stood.<\/p>\n
Walter remained beside him.<\/p>\n
Greg looked at Harold.<\/p>\n
\u201cCall if you need anything.\u201d<\/p>\n
I nearly smiled.<\/p>\n
There he was.<\/p>\n
Then Greg added, \u201cIf you want.\u201d<\/p>\n
That mattered.<\/p>\n
Harold nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cI will.\u201d<\/p>\n
We stayed another half hour.<\/p>\n
Long enough for Walter to settle.<\/p>\n
Long enough for Greg to explain the medication once.<\/p>\n
Only once.<\/p>\n
Then we left.<\/p>\n
Walter followed us to the door.<\/p>\n
Greg froze.<\/p>\n
The dog looked confused.<\/p>\n
My heart broke.<\/p>\n
Harold called him.<\/p>\n
\u201cWalter.\u201d<\/p>\n
The dog looked back.<\/p>\n
Then at Greg.<\/p>\n
Greg crouched.<\/p>\n
\u201cGo.\u201d<\/p>\n
Walter did not move.<\/p>\n
Greg pointed toward Harold.<\/p>\n
\u201cGo home.\u201d<\/p>\n
The words cracked.<\/p>\n
Walter turned.<\/p>\n
Slowly.<\/p>\n
Then walked back to Harold.<\/p>\n
Greg stepped into the hallway before the door closed.<\/p>\n
He leaned against the wall.<\/p>\n
I stood beside him.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou okay?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWant to go back?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWill you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
We walked to the elevator.<\/p>\n
Inside, Greg stared at the numbers.<\/p>\n
Ground floor.<\/p>\n
Lobby.<\/p>\n
The doors opened.<\/p>\n
He did not move.<\/p>\n
I touched his arm.<\/p>\n
He stepped out.<\/p>\n
In the parking lot, he cried.<\/p>\n
Not discreetly.<\/p>\n
Not the way he had after Michael left for university, pretending wind caused his eyes to water.<\/p>\n
He stood beside the car and cried because Walter had gone home.<\/p>\n
I waited.<\/p>\n
Eventually he wiped his face.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is stupid.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s alive.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s with Harold.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is exactly what we wanted.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI hate it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg laughed through tears.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat makes no sense.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt makes perfect sense.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLove is not graded on how happy you are about the goodbye.\u201d<\/p>\n
That silenced him.<\/p>\n
We drove home.<\/p>\n
The house felt empty again.<\/p>\n
No kittens.<\/p>\n
No dog.<\/p>\n
Nothing waiting for Greg at the door.<\/p>\n
He put his keys down.<\/p>\n
Then stood in the kitchen.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat now?\u201d<\/p>\n
I smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou keep asking that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause everything leaves.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cEverything changes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat is less depressing?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSometimes.\u201d<\/p>\n
He sat.<\/p>\n
For a while, neither of us spoke.<\/p>\n
Then his phone rang.<\/p>\n
Michael.<\/p>\n
Greg answered.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey.\u201d<\/p>\n
Our son sounded cheerful.<\/p>\n
\u201cI have a question.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat sentence is dangerous in this family.\u201d<\/p>\n
Michael laughed.<\/p>\n
\u201cClaire and I are coming for Thanksgiving.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg\u2019s face lit.<\/p>\n
\u201cBoth of you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf that\u2019s okay.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then he stopped.<\/p>\n
Looked at me.<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes,\u201d he continued. \u201cWe\u2019d love that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGood.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAny food allergies?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDad.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat is normal hosting information.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cClaire doesn\u2019t eat shellfish.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNoted.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo not build an itinerary.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg looked offended.<\/p>\n
\u201cI wasn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou were thinking about it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI was considering activities.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFine.\u201d<\/p>\n
Michael laughed.<\/p>\n
Then his tone changed.<\/p>\n
\u201cAlso, Claire wants to meet you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg frowned.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
I covered my mouth.<\/p>\n
Michael burst out laughing.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause you\u2019re my father.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTry not to interview her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t interview people.\u201d<\/p>\n
I mouthed Nina and Robert.<\/p>\n
Greg ignored me.<\/p>\n
Michael said, \u201cMom, are you there?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cControl him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo promises.\u201d<\/p>\n
After the call, Greg seemed lighter.<\/p>\n
Then his phone buzzed.<\/p>\n
A photo from Harold\u2019s daughter.<\/p>\n
Walter was asleep beside Harold\u2019s recliner.<\/p>\n
Greg looked at it.<\/p>\n
His face softened.<\/p>\n
He typed a response.<\/p>\n
This time he did not ask about food.<\/p>\n
Medication.<\/p>\n
Sleep.<\/p>\n
He wrote only:<\/p>\n
He looks home.<\/p>\n
Then sent it.<\/p>\n
I looked at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s all?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s enough.\u201d<\/p>\n
Two days later, something even stranger happened.<\/p>\n
Greg came home from the rescue early.<\/p>\n
He looked unsettled.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat happened?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDenise offered me a position.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared.<\/p>\n
\u201cA job?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cVolunteer coordinator.\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat sounds like a job nobody pays you for.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cExactly.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat would you do?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTrain new volunteers. Help with transports. Match fosters. Handle some scheduling.\u201d<\/p>\n
I smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat sounds perfect.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg did not.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
He sat.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not sure.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause people would need me.\u201d<\/p>\n
I understood immediately.<\/p>\n
He was afraid of the old pattern.<\/p>\n
Not animals now.<\/p>\n
A role.<\/p>\n
A title.<\/p>\n
Something that might allow usefulness to become identity again.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re allowed to be needed,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
Greg looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe problem was never that people needed you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat was it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou thought being needed was the only evidence you mattered.\u201d<\/p>\n
He was quiet.<\/p>\n
I continued.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou can coordinate volunteers and still come home.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd if I say no?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen say no.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t care?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI care whether you want it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg looked toward the empty guest room.<\/p>\n
Then back at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cI think I do.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen maybe say yes.\u201d<\/p>\n
He smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s that word.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe.\u201d<\/p>\n
He laughed.<\/p>\n
That evening, he called Denise.<\/p>\n
He accepted.<\/p>\n
Not because there was a hole in him demanding to be filled.<\/p>\n
Because he had discovered work he cared about.<\/p>\n
The distinction was invisible from the outside.<\/p>\n
Inside our marriage, it was enormous.<\/p>\n
Then, exactly one week later, Emma called.<\/p>\n
Not worried.<\/p>\n
Not crying.<\/p>\n
Breathless.<\/p>\n
\u201cMom?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPut Dad on.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg was across the room.<\/p>\n
I handed him the phone.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat happened?\u201d<\/p>\n
Emma laughed.<\/p>\n
\u201cNothing bad.\u201d<\/p>\n
He relaxed.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe had the scan today.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg sat.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe baby\u2019s healthy.\u201d<\/p>\n
He closed his eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cGood.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd we found out something else.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg looked at me.<\/p>\n
I smiled.<\/p>\n
He understood before she said it.<\/p>\n
\u201cA boy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg\u2019s mouth opened.<\/p>\n
\u201cA girl?\u201d<\/p>\n
Emma laughed.<\/p>\n
\u201cA girl.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg put one hand over his face.<\/p>\n
I watched his shoulders shake.<\/p>\n
\u201cDad?\u201d<\/p>\n
He lowered his hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m here.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou okay?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then Emma said, \u201cWe were thinking about names.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg went perfectly still.<\/p>\n
I knew what he was afraid of.<\/p>\n
Susan.<\/p>\n
His mother.<\/p>\n
Memory.<\/p>\n
Meaning.<\/p>\n
Emma continued.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe haven\u2019t decided.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut there\u2019s one we like.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg waited.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnna.\u201d<\/p>\n
He smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s beautiful.\u201d<\/p>\n
A pause.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnna Susan.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg stopped breathing.<\/p>\n
Emma\u2019s voice softened.<\/p>\n
\u201cFor Grandma.\u201d<\/p>\n
His eyes filled instantly.<\/p>\n
Not the kitten.<\/p>\n
The woman.<\/p>\n
His mother.<\/p>\n
The person he had been unable to save.<\/p>\n
The person whose blanket had kept another small life warm.<\/p>\n
Greg looked at me.<\/p>\n
Then he whispered, \u201cShe would have hated that you\u2019re naming a baby after a cat.\u201d<\/p>\n
Emma burst out laughing.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo would Grandma.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg laughed too.<\/p>\n
And for once, memory did not trap him in what had ended.<\/p>\n
It opened toward something still coming.<\/p>\n
Harold\u2019s discharge date was set for a Thursday. Greg learned on Monday. He read the message twice. Then handed me the phone. I smiled. \u201cThat\u2019s wonderful.\u201d \u201cYes.\u201d He sounded miserable. … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":13464,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13483","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-insightdrama"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13483","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=13483"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13483\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13507,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13483\/revisions\/13507"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/13464"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=13483"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=13483"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=13483"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}