Greg placed Steve on the digital scale.<\/p>\n
The kitten protested weakly.<\/p>\n
Denise crouched beside him.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat was his last weight?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTwo hundred thirty-one grams.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFour this morning.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg looked at the display.<\/p>\n
Two hundred twenty-eight.<\/p>\n
His face went still.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe lost three grams.\u201d<\/p>\n
Denise nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat can happen between feeds.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut you said he should be gaining.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOverall, yes.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg lifted Steve immediately.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe don\u2019t know that anything is wrong yet.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s eating less than Susan.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA little.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe slept through the last feeding.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cKittens sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot when I touch the bottle to his mouth.\u201d<\/p>\n
Denise looked at me.<\/p>\n
I could see her recalibrating.<\/p>\n
She had probably worked with dozens of foster volunteers.<\/p>\n
She had perhaps not worked with Greg.<\/p>\n
\u201cLet\u2019s not jump ahead,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
That phrase had never been effective with my husband.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat do we do?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cKeep him warm. Offer smaller feeds more frequently. Track everything.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow frequently?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEvery two hours for now.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg nodded before she finished.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe can do that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe can,\u201d I repeated, deliberately emphasizing the plural.<\/p>\n
He glanced at me.<\/p>\n
Denise showed us how to check hydration and gum color.<\/p>\n
She explained signs that would require immediate veterinary attention: extreme lethargy, difficulty breathing, inability to swallow, falling temperature.<\/p>\n
Greg memorized every word.<\/p>\n
I wrote them down because I knew what fear did to memory.<\/p>\n
Before leaving, Denise touched his arm.<\/p>\n
\u201cGreg.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t turn one bad weigh-in into a catastrophe.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI won\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
She looked at me.<\/p>\n
I gave her the expression wives develop after decades of marriage.<\/p>\n
Denise understood immediately.<\/p>\n
\u201cCall me if anything changes.\u201d<\/p>\n
After she left, Greg sat beside the box.<\/p>\n
Steve was tucked against Susan beneath the edge of Michael\u2019s blanket.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou heard her,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOne weigh-in.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSay it.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cOne weigh-in.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGood.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg set an alarm for two hours later.<\/p>\n
Then another.<\/p>\n
And another.<\/p>\n
By midnight, the kitchen counter looked like a field hospital.<\/p>\n
Bottles.<\/p>\n
Formula.<\/p>\n
A notebook.<\/p>\n
Thermometer.<\/p>\n
Scale.<\/p>\n
Greg recorded every ounce Steve consumed.<\/p>\n
At 12:15, Steve drank poorly.<\/p>\n
At 2:20, a little better.<\/p>\n
At 4:10, worse.<\/p>\n
Greg stopped pretending not to be frightened.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s fading.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe don\u2019t know that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLook at him.\u201d<\/p>\n
Steve lay curled against my palm, impossibly small.<\/p>\n
His breathing remained steady.<\/p>\n
But there was less fight in him.<\/p>\n
I felt it too.<\/p>\n
\u201cCall Denise.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg already had the phone.<\/p>\n
She answered on the third ring.<\/p>\n
After listening, she told us to meet the rescue\u2019s veterinarian at the clinic.<\/p>\n
Ten minutes later we were in the car.<\/p>\n
Greg drove.<\/p>\n
Too fast.<\/p>\n
\u201cSlow down.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m going five over.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re going fourteen over.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at the speedometer and eased off.<\/p>\n
The carrier rested on my lap.<\/p>\n
Susan cried intermittently.<\/p>\n
Steve made no sound.<\/p>\n
I slipped my hand beneath the blanket and touched him.<\/p>\n
Warm.<\/p>\n
Still breathing.<\/p>\n
\u201cCome on, Steve.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg glanced toward me.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs he moving?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re sure?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
At the clinic, a young veterinarian named Dr. Patel met us in scrubs beneath a winter coat.<\/p>\n
She took Steve immediately.<\/p>\n
Greg tried to follow through the treatment-room door.<\/p>\n
A technician stopped him gently.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou can wait right here.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m his foster.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know his feeding schedule.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe doctor will come speak with you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg opened his mouth.<\/p>\n
I touched his arm.<\/p>\n
\u201cStay.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at me as if I had asked him to abandon the kitten.<\/p>\n
\u201cGreg.\u201d<\/p>\n
He stopped.<\/p>\n
We sat in the waiting room.<\/p>\n
The fluorescent lights buzzed.<\/p>\n
A television mounted in the corner played a muted cooking program no one watched.<\/p>\n
Greg bounced his knee.<\/p>\n
After twelve minutes he stood.<\/p>\n
\u201cSit.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThey should know\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThey have the chart.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI should tell them he aspirated a tiny amount at the midnight feed.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou already told the technician.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid I say which nostril?\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at him.<\/p>\n
He rubbed his face.<\/p>\n
\u201cRight.\u201d<\/p>\n
He sat.<\/p>\n
Five minutes later he stood again.<\/p>\n
This time I let him pace.<\/p>\n
Watching him, I began to understand something uncomfortable.<\/p>\n
This was the kind of moment Greg had been unconsciously seeking.<\/p>\n
A crisis.<\/p>\n
Something fragile.<\/p>\n
A clear need.<\/p>\n
But now that it was here, there was no satisfaction in him.<\/p>\n
Only terror.<\/p>\n
The fantasy of being indispensable disappeared the moment usefulness met helplessness.<\/p>\n
Dr. Patel finally came out.<\/p>\n
Greg crossed the room before she reached us.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow is he?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cStable.\u201d<\/p>\n
His shoulders dropped.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut he is weaker than I\u2019d like.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s causing it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019re checking a few possibilities. He may simply have been more compromised than his sister when you found them.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg stared through the treatment-room window.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan you fix it?\u201d<\/p>\n
The question was so naked that Dr. Patel softened.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe can support him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s not what I asked.\u201d<\/p>\n
I touched Greg\u2019s elbow.<\/p>\n
The veterinarian did not take offense.<\/p>\n
\u201cWith neonatal kittens,\u201d she said, \u201csometimes we can do everything correctly and still lose them.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg\u2019s face emptied.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
Dr. Patel paused.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not saying that will happen.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe was fine yesterday.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe looked stronger yesterday.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI got him out.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI got him warm.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe ate.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen why is he worse?\u201d<\/p>\n
Dr. Patel waited until Greg looked at her.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause saving something once doesn\u2019t give us control over what happens next.\u201d<\/p>\n
I felt the sentence reach him.<\/p>\n
He looked away.<\/p>\n
The veterinarian explained that Steve needed fluids and monitoring for several hours.<\/p>\n
We could leave him there.<\/p>\n
Greg immediately refused.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m staying.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe clinic won\u2019t be staffed in the waiting area all night.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen I\u2019ll sit in the car.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGreg.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at me.<\/p>\n
I could see the old reflex.<\/p>\n
If he remained nearby, perhaps nothing terrible could happen.<\/p>\n
If he watched closely enough, perhaps loss could be negotiated away.<\/p>\n
I lowered my voice.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey know what they\u2019re doing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe knows us.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe has known us for two days.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe knows our voices.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe settles when I hold him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg\u2019s eyes filled.<\/p>\n
\u201cI left my mother alone the night she died.\u201d<\/p>\n
The words came from nowhere.<\/p>\n
Dr. Patel quietly stepped away.<\/p>\n
I stared at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI went home.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGreg\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe told me to.\u201d<\/p>\n
His voice dropped.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe said I was hovering. She told me to go home and sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n
I remembered that night.<\/p>\n
Greg had arrived home after eleven.<\/p>\n
He had been exhausted.<\/p>\n
His mother\u2019s caregiver was there.<\/p>\n
Everything had seemed stable.<\/p>\n
At six the next morning, the call came.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou didn\u2019t leave her alone.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI left.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause she asked you to.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI should have stayed.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou weren\u2019t there.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI was there when you came home.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou weren\u2019t in that apartment.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. But I know she had someone with her.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg\u2019s jaw trembled.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe died before I got back.\u201d<\/p>\n
I finally understood why a kitten\u2019s declining weight had ripped open something so old.<\/p>\n
This was not Steve.<\/p>\n
Not entirely.<\/p>\n
This was Susan.<\/p>\n
The woman, not the kitten.<\/p>\n
The apartment.<\/p>\n
The unanswered phone call.<\/p>\n
Every goodbye Greg believed he might have prevented by staying useful a little longer.<\/p>\n
I took his hands.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou could not have kept your mother alive by sitting beside her bed.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t know that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, I do.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGreg.\u201d<\/p>\n
He pulled away.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
I let the silence stand.<\/p>\n
There are arguments you cannot win by force because the other person has been rehearsing the opposing case for twelve years.<\/p>\n
Dr. Patel returned.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019ve started fluids. His temperature is improving.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg turned immediately.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan I see him?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFor a minute.\u201d<\/p>\n
She led us into the treatment room.<\/p>\n
Steve lay wrapped in a towel inside a warmed enclosure.<\/p>\n
He looked impossibly fragile.<\/p>\n
Greg placed two fingers against his side.<\/p>\n
Steve moved.<\/p>\n
Barely.<\/p>\n
But he moved.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey, buddy.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg\u2019s voice broke.<\/p>\n
\u201cDaddy\u2019s here.\u201d<\/p>\n
This time the words did not frighten me.<\/p>\n
They broke my heart.<\/p>\n
We stayed for exactly one minute.<\/p>\n
Then Dr. Patel asked us to go home.<\/p>\n
Greg resisted.<\/p>\n
I did not argue.<\/p>\n
I simply picked up the carrier containing Susan and walked toward the door.<\/p>\n
After several seconds, Greg followed.<\/p>\n
In the parking lot he stopped beside the car.<\/p>\n
\u201cI feel like I\u2019m abandoning him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re leaving him with the person most able to help him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat doesn\u2019t feel different.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt is.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked back toward the clinic.<\/p>\n
\u201cI hate this.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat am I supposed to do?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGo home.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFeed Susan.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSleep if you can.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWait.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg laughed bitterly.<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe one thing I\u2019m terrible at.\u201d<\/p>\n
We drove home in silence.<\/p>\n
At sunrise, Susan drank nearly an entire feeding.<\/p>\n
Greg wrote it down.<\/p>\n
Then he sat beside the carrier without moving.<\/p>\n
At eight twenty-three, his phone rang.<\/p>\n
He answered before the first ring finished.<\/p>\n
\u201cHello?\u201d<\/p>\n
I watched his face.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
A pause.<\/p>\n
Then his shoulders collapsed.<\/p>\n
He closed his eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh.\u201d<\/p>\n
My stomach turned.<\/p>\n
I stepped closer.<\/p>\n
Greg listened for several more seconds.<\/p>\n
Then he opened his eyes and looked directly at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe gained four grams.\u201d<\/p>\n
I exhaled so sharply it became laughter.<\/p>\n
Greg laughed too, though tears were already running down his face.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s more alert.\u201d<\/p>\n
I covered my mouth.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen can we get him?\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg listened.<\/p>\n
His smile faltered.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat do you mean, transfer?\u201d<\/p>\n
I stopped.<\/p>\n
The voice on the other end continued.<\/p>\n
Greg\u2019s expression changed from relief to confusion.<\/p>\n
Then concern.<\/p>\n
\u201cAll right,\u201d he said slowly. \u201cBut why would he need a specialist?\u201d<\/p>\n
He listened again.<\/p>\n
When the call ended, he lowered the phone.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
Greg looked toward Susan sleeping beneath the blue blanket.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey found something on Steve\u2019s exam.\u201d<\/p>\n
My relief disappeared.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe has a heart murmur.\u201d<\/p>\n
Greg placed Steve on the digital scale. The kitten protested weakly. Denise crouched beside him. \u201cWhat was his last weight?\u201d \u201cTwo hundred thirty-one grams.\u201d \u201cWhen?\u201d \u201cFour this morning.\u201d Greg looked … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":13464,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13472","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-insightdrama"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13472","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=13472"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13472\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13496,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13472\/revisions\/13496"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/13464"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=13472"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=13472"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insightdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=13472"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}